i'm feeling down. What's the perspective here? That it's going nowhere. That i do not have control over this. It's beyond me. And that's why i write. This big toe joint is showing symptoms. I took my meds so it doesnt go beyond what it is now. But where's it coming from.
What am i to write about? Like it's so evident that i'm not the person i thought i was. That the definition is off. Then that's good isnt it? How can it be good. That you have shifted. You are no longer that person. What can i do about this then? Just be open. No need to label anything be open to what is.
Then you can always write about it. Let it ride itself out. Let the energy course through you. This is what the path is about. This is your exploration. You can be afraid of it. Or you can be open to it and explore see where this energy takes you to. You dont have to back out of it. At least you are writing about it.
I used to enjoy nights like this. You really did. Or is it the same old grey feeling. How can i use this energy. Just sit through it. Just write about it. There's going to be enough connections to this that you get flow. Or not. You dont have to get anything out of it. You just write about it. And this is my therapy. Nothing has to come out of it. You just write.
I can go back over this one day and see where i've been through. This is nt mid life crisis. This is zero point redefinition. I'm back at zero and it's like being born but you have all this experience and perspective inside of you. Its's like a second change at life. How do you go about it then. You simply choose which path is more aligned, more interesting. You take that path.
You take it as far as it will go. When the energy has shifted, you take stock and see which path is again more aligned more interesting and you take that path. If you discover that it wasnt really that, then change course and start over. It's what you do for the rest of your life. It's going to be filled with surprising synchronicity. You are in for a treat.
You'll get contrast here and there. That's just feedback. Use it to your benefit. Redefine everything to be at least neutral. This is the path that's in front of you. Is this real. Can i really do this? Why not. At least be neutral. That's easy and you do that all thet time. When you are aware of your energy, just go neutral. You don't have to make it positive.
You can talk your way through the easy feeling words. That too is part of your process. But you see where this is all going. It's all here for you. Even if it were a crap job, you can redefine it and be neutral. At least you get something out of it. Tomorrow is friday. I'm done with all that and i'm on keto now.
I don't have to finish that spaghetti sauce. It was good but there is tomato sauce in it. I can wash it tomorrow. There is brisket for tomorrow. I'll have it then. I can get something else on saturday. What will it be then? I'm not sure yet. Maybe some ribs. That sounds interesting. Let's have a crrack at it.
Why not bacon and eggs. You can easily cook some strips of bacon. How much are they? I cant remember but you can have a look at it. Then it becomes easy for you. Try it. Go saturday when the wife is at home and bring the kids if you want. If it rains, you have the umbrella anyway. It's all connected.
Why not choose it? Why not. Why be in their game. It's not my energy. I cant live that way. They are good at that. My path is different. I feel trapped in all this. Why did i take this then. I was sick and tired of it. I wanted something different. At least now it's different. I had gout. This is connected because it's here.
Then you use up the energy. Sit right through it. You will know what to do next. At least you have all this. You can figure it out again tomorrow. You have much in this place. See where it's going and then you can make it happen. Where did that go? I'm not sure where. I can find something from in there and see how it goes.
I can ask for another and then you can see where it's going. Or not. At least you connect this way. I can finish writing. And i think that way. You are making changes anyway. At least you see where it's headed. And then you will see how it goes. I can take as much. And then this too is part of my process. No need for that. I see what's happening here.
I want to just sit and do this. But what do you do the rest of the day? That is the big question. Is there something else here that i can do. Apply for another job. Where. How. I don't even dare look. It's too much effort for me that way. I can stay here. The hard part is over anyway. Is it the walk you don't like.
I've had so much better jobs before. It's just that i dont enjoy doing this. I would rather work on my own business and work all day and it's going to be fun that way. Why not do it? I already am. But this one enntails turning on the bot then letting it run. That doesnt take all day. I do it in one hour when london session opens.
Then just do this for now. No expectations and insistence. This is what you do for now. Then you let it ride. Finish writing then see where this is headed. I can post then write again another one later. Just do this all the time. I don't have to know how this will turn out. I don't like them movies. I would rather write.
What to write about? Just go around in circles. No need for that. You dont have to be anyone. You can be a failure at this. How will a failure write? He goes around in circles and never publishing. But that too is a story in there. How is it a story. It doesnt have to be good. It's just this man who thinks life has passed him by. So he lives on the synchronicity. And that's where the magic is.