follow your bliss

Dear Caterpillar,
Your name makes me smile. After reading this post it strikes me that your choice in email is no accident. You've gotten a lot of wonderful advice so I won't be long winded.

I just want to say that it's never too late to be happy. And waiting to be happy is never a good idea. Your kids are going to learn what a marriage should be by observing yours. Is the life you're tolerating the life you want your kids to think they're supposed to have?

You're no longer a caterpillar my friend. You've obviously grown into a butterfly. Sometimes people just grow in different directions. It can't be helped and no one is to blame.

Please choose your happiness. Teach your children that they should also choose happiness. I'm not saying get divorced. I'm just saying, you need to do what you need to do. Think it out, write it out, figure out what it is that YOU want. Yes, it's selfish! IT'S YOUR LIFE! If YOU don't look out for YOUR happiness honey, no one will.

And one last point... I grew up watching my mother be miserable. She thought it was hidden too and it wasn't. It hurt my soul to watch the woman I love more than any other suffer silently. I think her unhappiness was so well ingrained in her over all those years that she stayed that even since she's left him, she's still unhappy and miserable because she doesn't even know HOW to choose happiness.

Don't EVER let anyone make you feel bad for choosing to be happy.

The only reason ANYONE would EVER fault you for making a choice that will bring you happiness is because they haven't chosen THEIR happiness yet because they're afraid that other people will think of THEM what THEY think of you.

It's their problem. Their thought pattern. Their co-created reality. Yours is what you choose. Don't let their chosen misery be YOUR standard of living. They're already living their life. You don't have to live it also.

~ EL

The Smiling Spirit
Memoirs of a Domestic Goddess
Finding Joy in Life!

From: "caterpillar1@"
To: LawofAttraction@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Thursday, August 6, 2009 12:46:15 AM
Subject: [LawofAttraction] Divorcing to Follow Your Bliss - In terms of LOA, is it really such a bad thing?

I'm thinking I might get lambasted for this post, so I'll hit "send" and then duck for cover.. :-)

I read the following post from by Sheh, in response to the post "Why do we Struggle" by El (http://groups. group/LawofAttra ction/message/ 38349).

Sheh wrote in response to a fellow client's beauty shop gossip about a 50 year old man who ended his marriage to pursue a 23 year old girl:

"I thought instead, like maybe, this 50something year old realized that his happiness was elsewhere and not in his old way and marriage, and he was following his bliss, and maybe despite the age difference he'd found the love of his life, or even if he hadn't maybe these two involved souls were each others bridge into a better future with greater enlightenment, and they had met each other at this time, becuase they had established a contract prior to coming into the world to help each other out in this manner! Why did it have to be made into a negative situation, except because someone, several someones, were making it out to be so, because of their STRUGLLE and RESISTANCE to change??"

I've been struggling with this myself. I'm almost 40 and have two kids (9 and 12 1/2) with my husband, who is a good husband. But as we've grown and matured, we've slowly been taking different paths. It's as if we've been holding hands as we walked, and our paths have forked off at such an unnoticable rate. As we continued to walk, our arms had to stretch little by little in order to stay grasped. We are at the point where perhaps our pinkies are linked, but there is no grasping for each other - just barely touching and perhaps even briefly coming unhooked when someone's path takes a jagged little bump in another direction.

Now, I can definitely pinpoint where our paths forked - he lost a job several years ago after attempting to initiatiate a relationship with a female coworker. As a stay-at-home Mom, I had no income and any job I took would be entry level/low paying. I felt stuck. I had no resources to leave so I stayed and focused on getting him a job elsewhere (we moved out of state) and on the kids. And somewhere along the way I became jaded and cynical.

But as I slowly started to become my own woman - not "just" a wife and mother whose sole purpose was to serve everyone else, but a woman with different thoughts and opinions from her spouse, a woman who sometimes questions the beliefs she was raised with - I discovered that when I married at age 23, I had NO idea who I was. Because I felt so bad about myself, I changed MYSELF and MY desires and needs in order to conform to the men that I dated, hoping to earn a coveted Engagement Ring from whoever would deem me worthy of such honor.

Now that I've been married for over 15 years, it is painfully obvious that my husband and I are not on the same track spiritually, financially, personality- wise, with our thoughts about the kids' futures (such as college), and certainly about our own futures.

For the longest time I've almost felt unfaithful because I've questioned marriage in general. Who decided "Til Death Do Us Part?" How can a stupid and naive 23 year old who doesn't know what she wants out of life to make a decision to be forever united in matrimony to an equally stupid and naive 22 year old man that she's only known for a year, and only dated for 8 months?

For the longest time I've almost felt faithless because I've secretly questioned *some* of the religious teachings I've grown up with. How are we - mere "sheep" - to be expected to live up to the standards that those who lead the flock and purport to serve as God's spokespersons can't even live up to? And who decided what those standards are, anyways? After all, the guidelines of the church aren't ALL found in the Ten Commandments.

Like the 50 year old man in Sheh's post (the one that, truthfully, I'd probably villify as well), I wonder how I will know when it's time to follow my bliss. I don't necessarily want/need another spouse. In fact, I'd prefer to be independent of any man right now - no strings, no conflicting opinions, no caving in to suggestions that we buy an ugly $500 dining room table from the discount store when what I truly want is the $2000 table from the furniture store, and no fights about me not wanting to go to church anymore.

I feel selfish for not wanting to compromise anymore - for no longer wanting to consider my husband's opinions or tastes when I don't like them. But I also feel selfish for even thinking about divorce, uprooting the security my kids have in having parents that love them and are married and in the same house (we get along alright - no fighting, but not a lot of passion either).

I'll keep threshing this out in my mind. I need to get back to my books, visualizations and meditations. It's hard to find time now that swimming lessons are over (they afforded me the half hour daily to read as I waited for the kids at the pool). In the end, I guess what I've been looking for for the past few years is permission to leave just because it's time to take a different path, even when there is no cheating, abuse or abandonment involved. But for now, I've decided to just stay put and work on my own spiritual self. I'll work on manifesting the life and love that I want and deserve. If it turns out that my husband is a part of that, that is fine. If he isn't, I think I can wait another 9 years until my youngest is out of the house.