i like the 11.04natty narwhale. i can configure it and there was support for a lot of the things that i need. now this ocelot came out and it shook everything out. i am shaken and i had to spend a lot of time configuring it. at least this moved me into this direction. i am also considering marketing in the real world. no more odesk for me. to get paid i will go with the credit card or use bank transfers. that be an easy way to do this.
to market, i will spam emails. will that get attention? i don't know. do i need to network? i can only if it feels good. i am so anxious right now. how to let go of this? i write. i write so it comes out in the open. no need for me to fix this. i just write what comes to my head. i don't have to un anxious myself. i use this energy up. this is why the energy is here. there is so much contrast happening in my life right now.
i am also thinking of chnaging the os for my kids pc. it is slow with the ubuntu natty but i need that still. or i change mine to win7. but then that will open up a can of worms. first, virus. i will have to deal with that too. then i will have to download and install a lot of stuff. this is the path of least resistance. do nothing. i will resume web2py. there is a lot of contrast. i am finding web2py easier to understand than django.
i am going to stick with this. it feels lighter to learn web2py. i am going to stick with that. when things get too technical, i lose attention and start doing a lot of other things. that's ok. this is part of the equation. i can remove the bookmarks that serve no purpose or reclassify them someplace else. i can always look them up somewhere later.
and who is that website that awarded web2py? i think web2py is a serious contender for django. the mailing list is so active. yesterday there was double the number of messages in web2py than in django. is that a sign that one is better? no only that there was a lot more messages yesterday. what about python3? that's not a problem for me now. what i want is to finish that tutorial. like i did with that django tutorial. there are not a lot of books out there for web2py. that's ok. there's a lot of resources on the internet to help me learn.
there is the mailing list. that is the main. then there is stackoverflow. there is also the documentation. i remember running web2py and getting into admin on fluxflex. i just hope they are reliable. it worked for a week, then the wordpress site stopped showing up. i will play with it some more. dotcloud, it is running ok. it gets slow at times. i am not seriously going to move my marketing blog over there. it is going to stay with blogger for now.
after i finish this blog, i will surf until it is time for my breakfast. i am wondering if the lawn mower is coming today. i can walk to the bank and get money if they are coming. i am waiting for their text to get money. otherwise, they will come next week. no problem with that. i can reply that i'd get money. if i am not home, i will leave that in the mailbox.
anyway. i don't want to have to be anxious with that. i will do yoga then run later tonight. i will run everyday until i am not able to run. then that will be my rest day. i will pay attention to that. being in the light, going for the excitement, or being in the light and practice integrity. there is not much else. if things get too anxious, i will stop doing that which causes it and point downstream.
the reason is that the brain doesn't grasp where things are headed now. i am learning all this. this is uncovering. it is already there. no need to learn anything or get from the outside. just allow things to happen. things will go as a reflection. today is day two. it was a pretty easy day one yesterday. not a lot of issues. i can make it a week.
i am not sure i want to go in the direction of that other one. i can post comments now and then. i can write something, an article or so about running startups. i think it will be good that it is there. there is plenty to learn from the folks around here. how to share from that thread? i don't know yet. there's a lot of things for me to do. no need to rush. just deal with comes up in front. choose the light. point downstream. choose the path of least resistance. the one that feels better for me. there is where the practice is each day.
weird dream last night.
The best Linux distro of 2011! | TuxRadar Linux
I had a spat with my wife last night.
I am not going to work today, choosing instead to take care of myself, give myself a hug whenever I need one --or hug my kids. I'd rather choose things that point downstream: play, bum around the house, take walks, yoga.
I'll keep doing this until I get the urge to go back to work.
I don't really mind paying so, and am actually relieved that the decision came out. This way, I do not have to get anxious about it. I just feel down because I was hoping I did not have to do the installments. The payment is spread out over a period of two years. It's not going to be a burden after all.
It's not what I wanted, not what I prefer, but this is here. synchronicity then is telling me that this is something I need to go through. What am I getting out of it?
This circumstance gives me a reason to spend more time with the online business I started a while ago. It's a consultancy business that helps startups with their social media communications. I enjoy the creative part of the work, which is writing.
The local mind is running around in circles trying to figure out how am I going to pay for it. When I catch myself doing so, I observe it. This circumstance has given me the opportunity to work through anxiety. If I stay in this light, in this awareness, then I will attract the abundance. If I choose to be anxious about it, then life becomes difficult. I am given a choice. This is what the contrast is about. Black and white. Which do you prefer?
I am going to allow this in my life right now. I know someday I am going to look back and see why this happened and how it fits in with the overall picture.
Give one reason how God is more plausible than the universe spontaneously creating itself out of nothing? - Yahoo! Answers
Give one reason how God is more plausible than the universe spontaneously creating itself out of nothing?
As unlikely as an entire universe spontaneously creating itself out of nothing, it seems more unlikely that a conscious being who has always existed was so powerful that he created an entire universe. Why would there be this being instead of nothing? Explain your thought process for how God is the most likely solution to reality outside our universe (and the beginning of it).
When 'God' is aware that he is God, where did this awareness come from?
my reply -- Give one reason how God is more plausible than the universe spontaneously creating itself out of nothing? - Yahoo! Answers
I don't know how it is going to unfold. All I know is that there are a lot of questions out there, and I have answers from my perspective. Let the fun begin.
I am not enjoying writing copy. there is conflict where the client wants this and i don't want to do it that way and want to do it my way. i think i am going to do something else for now. like what? look for easier work where i don't have to conflict with them. i can do basic html work now and then or those i can handle. the django is there and it is ready and i can do that. what needs working here is the practice.
so, do i just cancel the other one? i think i can do that. i can cancel then send refund. or do i get back to working on that again? i will leave it at that for now. then i will do something else altogether. i don't want to write copy. there is subjective work. i want to do things this way and they want to do it that way. with coding, i am more the expert. or is it? i can look into that. i can look for clients that i can work with. i will go for easier work where i don't have to conflict with them. this is what it is like to work for someone else. i am opinionated and know what it is i want done.
so how am i going to go from here? just be in the moment and do what i think is right. what else. i dont know. get breakfast. i am getting hungry already. the kids are home and i am going to make them breakfast. i made good with the grocery yesterday and was able to get the needs and still had a few dollars left over from budget. we are going grocery in albany mall from hereon. it is closer to where jona now lives. so be it. it's a change in circumstance reflecting what is happening on the inside. i have decided to stop playing poker. i am now concentrating on odesk. but with that i am also shifting. i am not offering copywriting anymore. too much conflict in there where i want to do things my way.
so how am i going to do this? just do what makes me happy, do what i think is right. there is going to be an audience for that. no need to force myself into what i do not want. forcing a square peg in a round hole will not fit and will only break one or the other. i am getting hungry now. what else is there for me to do? wife is not going to ask to be driven to work. i can spend more time here. i can do yoga later. i am running later this afternoon. and then what? i will do something else instead. i am watching my daughter's stumble. some of it is funny, while some aren't.
i stopped timing my writing. i write and when it reaches the bottom of this page, i stop. that is where practice is right now. i appreciate my own work and don't have to force it on anyone else. i am showing my kids that i can make something out of this, but i do not have to prove anything. only that i follow my joy with no expectations. i had a gift last night. that i was showed something magical. when i woke up, i realized i should pick projects that interest me and not be concerned about pay. i like that. i build up the joy list that way. work with what i want. no need to work for money. that will follow as a reflection of who i am. it is not the other way around.
so do i need a new profile then? i think so.i think i will cancel the contract, refund the client, then take things from there. if they give negative feedback, so be it. this is a learning experience for me. i will take it from there. i can work with that other profile and go from there. i think the nowopen account has my original paypal account connected. i can do that and make things happen. from here on, that is how things are going to happen.
i am also learning gimp. i like that interview about this guy doing great photo manipulation work. i was inspired by his work that i am doing the same. i am learning one new thing with gimp. i am also learning one new thing with python and programming. i am also learning one new thing with html. all this is going to come together and i can make something great in the garden. so now, where do we go?
only that i get to the other side. i wonder if wife is going to take the kids to church. i can stay home with whomever is going to stay at home. do i need a new girlfriend/ i miss that. getting after a girlfriend, getting that new energy experience. why can't it be that way? i don't know. i am setting m own limitations here. i can do something else instead. like what? follow on that light. follow the light. is this what the three kings did? there is significance there. followed the light and they found what?
their own godliness. not that they found jesus. that doesn't make sense there. i think it is in there but the local mind can't grasp it at this time. so i am going to allow it like that and see what happens from here. i can do that series of photos message. it gets attention. i can use that. it is like gimmick? publicity. i am done with that. how am i going to go from here? i don't know yet. just get to the other side and see what happens. i am going to finish these pages then i am going to get on with the day. the kids are almost all awake. it has been a rainy weekend. this is spring.
vian is going to school tomorrow. all of them are. i am going to the doctor tomorrow. i think i can arrange something there to get things running there. what else is there to do around here. just finish writing, post these and get to the other side. there are a lot of things that can be done. the kids get bored and they go online and see what is interesting. they are like more after finding what is funny. at least this daughter here is doing that.
what am i going to do today? i think we can have spaghetti for dinner. or maybe lunch. or something in between. wife gets home late. i think we can have that spaghetti for dinner. i like that too. i can have day one tomorrow if i wanted to. i am waiting for that schedule. i am always in waiting. that is reacting to the reflection. be in that state of being. being. allowing. that is where practice is all the time. this is the last line. thank you for coming. i am going to see you again tomorrow. if i write. i think i will. this is part of the daily practice. i am going to take a break now. bye!
right now, there is anxiety. then i use that. i sit on it. what do i do from here? just be in the moment. i can play poker if that will make me happy. not jumping up and down happy, but quiet and still that i am doing something. that be nice. my kids are in the living room. i saw this anne hathaway video. she is hot. i like her. but that is just me. i don't write as often anymore. where is this headed? i don't know. i feel like i don't know a lot anymore.
the python learning feels like it is going nowhere so i am letting that be for now. no need to force it. i will know what i need to know when i need to know it. i can go fasting tomorrow. it's just me and the cat tomorrow at home. they get home in the afternoon. i can go out and run then. or i can do my run in the noon time then do yoga in the afternoon. that'd be nice.
so does that mean that i am not running this time? Too steep at 5nl to pay tuition to see with top pair. and it all just happened right then and there. then it was all part of the process. then i don't know what to make off all this. just let it be. i already took a nap. i am not sleepy and will probably take a nap later. can't run now as we just had lunch. i can wash the dishes. that quiet things up with me.
like i am not happy here. i thought i'd be. it is because i am only keeping to myself. how can i change things? i need to get out and do something. i was doing things back in manila. this is boring here. what can i do around here? I need to get out more often and do something. i feel like i am not interacting with anyone. just me and the family. and the cat. occasionally, i interact with this or that person. and it feels weird. i miss the old familiar stuff. what can i do differently this time? no need to set limits with writing. if i get tired of it then i stop. i don't want to make this into one more chore that i have to do. i just want to write whenever i feel like it and not worry if someone else is going to read it. let it be anonymous then.
i can play poker and do so at the lower levels. it was a good run last night. i can still play there. there was so much anxiety early on. i see that now. what else can i do around here? it is the money issue? yes. there is a lot of anxiety with that. this is why this is here. i want, am changing my response to the lack of money. how do i change that? by being aware that it is there is one good thing. that breaks the pattern right there. seeing it, that cloud above my head. it brings out the sunshine. or at least i am made aware by myself that it is there and that i can use that energy.
so what else can i do with it? just be aware of it. wife is coming home later and will want to have sex tonight. what is the movie showing? i don't know. do something else? like what? interact with people. it has been difficult for me. i am not enjoying it here. do i need to go to a dojo? i can do that. i can offer services. i am no longer part of a dojo. is there one near around here? it is a long bike ride from here. and i think the ones i saw before are closed now.
i can start my own dojo around here. like what? i can do some learning. no need to advertise. i can do a lot of things from where i am. if there is too much conflict and negativity, then i do not want to go there. i only go where the light shines through. like where? i don't know yet. just be in the moment and see what happens.
Anne Hathaway's Lil' Wayne Style Paparazzi Rap - Conan on TBS - YouTube
It's because I don't know how things will turn out. Then it is a control issue. The ego, mine, wants to know what is going to happen. And I am putting conditions, how I feel on that expectation. I don't know how to deal with that. At least I am aware of that. I don't know how to go from here. I will just take it one moment at a time. I will act on my excitement each moment and when that thread is through, I will look at whatever is next and pick on the one that is next exciting.
I am going to be aware, conscious of my thoughts. It all starts from there. I have this belief that unless a person makes money, he is not worth shit. I am not making any money. My wife is the breadwinner. I don't make decisions in this family unless it had something to do with myself. I define that as not good. And I feel bad about it.
Again, I am ok that I am aware of that idea inside my head. This helps show why the emotion is there. Depression is ok with me. It is the down cycle. It is all part of the whole. I don't have to know what is next. I hit the ball when it is on my side of the court. When the ball is on the other side, I stay in the center of my being and be open to what is happening now.
I don't think there is anything else I can do about the computer at this time. I am going to let go of it. I tried fixing it yesterday. I did everything I knew that I can do to make it work. It did not. Now just be open to doing nothing. No need to judge this as good or bad. It is just so. It has no meaning other than the meaning I put into it. Right now, that meaning is negative. I don't want this. How can I define this in a positive way?
I am taking a break from the poker business.
I am learning how to assemble a computer. I am learning how to work a computer from the outside this time. I am learning how to work a computer from the inside.
I am learning how to run the poker business inside linux. I have the time. I have the resources to make it work for me. It doesn't have to work for everyone else. There is only me in my universe. I got da joint working for me. It was perfect. It did what it was supposed to do--open tables at random.
I can do that inside linux. I can do anything that I put my mind to.
I can move on now.
I have clementine and it works just fine for me. I like vlc better. When i think of a song, it would be easy to add it to the list of songs I have running. I can run that right now and listen to it. It tends to get buggy some times. I made an update of that software this morning. Something was buggy with this pc this morning. It did not start, boot right away. I had to turn it on and off several times. Little boy went to bed early today. I wonder why. Maybe he got tired and sleepy early.
Back to vlc, it has a lot of tools in it that I have yet to learn. When the need arises, when the question is there, then I will learn it. No need to learn it and I won't find it. I don't want to force myself to look it up and learn it if it is not in my vibration. As for my brothers, I don't know how things will turn out for them. Maybe they are going to learn something from that. Maybe not. They know that I do not have work at the moment. I have a business. It is making money. It is working as expected. I am leaning how to automate it right now. That is the next step. Not that I have expectations for it. It is just what I see immediately ahead, or what the next step is for me. I am interested in learning or how to automate it. That is where I also want to go. It excites me to be that person who can tweak this tool to suit be better.
Now that I am going there, I only need to be in that state of being. I am looking for a second pc. Something that will act as back up as well as a promise I made to a daughter. I can make something work here. The second one will be exclusively linux. It will have smaller memory and capacity than this one as it is a second hand pc. I am going to learn about hardware with these two. Next step for that is to get a monitor and maybe a router.
I am listening to this music file. It feels like it is not quality. Should I switch to clementine? That is another app that I like using. I adjusted the volume settings so it is louder. I like this song from heart. It is powerful and full of emotion. I liked, enjoyed listening to it in the car. Those were great times. I had good friends and things were great.
It is about this lady who had an affair with a stranger she met. That is exciting. I would like to be in that situation if possible. I like the rhythm. It is about sex. I wonder how things are in there. I don't know. I am paying attention to it, listening as I write. The kids are going to sleep now. Wife is still watching tv.
I wonder where that band is right now? They are not writing anymore? Probably they are. Or some of the other members have moved on and are doing something. But when you are young and in a band, you know you are going to make something out of it. No expectations, just enjoy the ride. That is where I am right now.
I finished the medical requirement this morning. That is one step closer to getting the permanent residency thing. Then the kids go and get theirs, then we submit everything. Things will fall into place. No need for me to force anything here to happen. My job is to feel good now. Nothing is more important than I feel good now. The transitions to this music player are not as clean. Why is that? But I like that it can be loud. I am listening to jesus jones right now.
I think I can make something happen here. This is the morning pages and this is part of the practice here. I go to bed later when wife is ready to go to bed.I am not sleepy right now. There is no discomfort in me. I am going to learn python after I finish these. Only when the kids use the internet that I open tor. Otherwise, if it is just me, I don't use proxy. Unless I need some privacy when browsing. Then I turn it on.
It works for me. I get the privacy I want. More so when the browsing or the sites I visit reflect the personal side of me. Is blogging part of that? Not really. This is somewhat anonymous. No names. I try to avoid that. There is ten minutes remaining to my writing. I made breakout this morning. I made some good plays--I meant early afternoon. Not morning as I was away all morning. The switch to the next song is not clean. Try clementine now. Or can I do something with the switch? switching now.
It is on now, clementine. I like the name. Amarok must have been a great app back then. This clementine is a fork from that version, 1.4. I like this clementine. The transition is smooth between songs. It is easy to listen to it. I adjusted the system volume so I can get louder music and drown out everything else. I have seven minutes to this writing. I will learn python after I finish posting this.
It has been sometime that I used scribefire. I have already taken it out of firefox. I like addthis better. It has all my blogs without me having to enter them one by one with username and password. This is so much easier and has eliminated steps to automate things. I wonder how you make an app like this.
I think things like this, not just python but add something to it like django so it works in the web. I am going to learn that. I have some good basics already in place. I know where to look for answers. I know how to look for answers. That is important. This hardware issue is also the next step for me. I am considering getting work part time in a tech shop where I get hands on learning from them. I can even work for free. I think I can offer my services for them. How else am I going to learn this? I don't know yet. I can ask around. I can even offer my services full time to that. I will look into that some more.
What else are there to consider here? I can send them an application letter stating that it is what I want to do. I just go there to help build pc's. They do not have to pay me. They can pay me an allowance or something. No cleaning. That is not going to be part of the job description. I have this vision for a company I want to start. Everyone shares in the profits of the company equally no matter the seniority or know how. Everyone depends on each other any way.
The music is transitioning. This is great. I think it is great how they do that. How do they do that anyway? There is also a notification that comes out. It tells me what the next music is. It doesn't get garbled when the switch happens. I have less than two minutes to go in my writing. I can write with my eyes closed and get less error as I am more careful here. This music is not sharp. I wonder how I got this music? I changed it.
Now it is playing pearl jam. Do I want to work? Only if it interests me and excites me. That is important a criteria for me. If it don't work for me, then I am not going to go there. Do I want to go to birkenhead? We will see. I will send over an application. If it works out, then good. If it doesn't, then I can do something else. I am done here.
Seize the Day
I have been reading a lot about bitcoin and the p2p economy. I think it has potential, the only problem is that it is difficult to get in on that. You can't just participate and buy or sell bitcoins. But once you are in and have everything set up, it has great potential.
In what way? For one, it is an economy supported by the peer network and not some institution. Bashar mentioned something about this, now synchronicity is knocking at my door, saying, 'hey! take a look at this!' There is a lot of opportunity for growth in this direction. I think this is the reason for me taking a break in poker, so I can pay more attention to this, plus the fact that I am learning how to code. Everything fits together.
I am going to play with the codes after I am done posting this. I had a whole day yesterday tweaking the allconvert program. I made some breakthroughs yesterday, finally able to make the code work the way I envisioned it. Now I am going to add more factors to it so that it converts more. After that, I am going to post the code for peer review. I think there is a way to cut the code in half, making it more efficient. I will do that when it is ready.
Wife went to work today. I woke up half past two this morning because of my hives. They were in my fingers and foot. That tells me it is in its final phase. That is a welcome occurence. I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so I fired up the pc and surfed the net. I surfed about bitcoin. It was interesting and I was curious about it.
I learned about anonymous and how committed and dedicated its members were. I Wonder how they got started. Institutions are afraid of what they can do. They are very adept at what they do. They know their job well. I wonder what happened with their war with the govt of nz? They declared war with that govt after that copyright law was passed. I am not hearing much about it. Either they have effectively disabled the internet facilities of the govt, or not much happened after the publicity went down. We will see in the coming days.
I did not get to write yesterday. I think. Or maybe I did, but couldn't remember. I saw this channel on youtube and it is for startups. The host has a lot of ego in there. He has this sidekick who only interjects every now and then, then the host cuts him off after a few sentences. He gets paid to do that? I think he is one of the seniors in that project. Too much ego in there. I might have to unsub from that later when it doesn't suit me anymore.
It has been raining again. It is going to be a wet weekend. It is winter. We get more of these these days. I want to run later, but it is going to be super cold. I can do yoga later, and after my daughter gets back from the mall, I can run. Right now, the schedule is too tight for that. I will do what I can with what I got. Right now, I write. I can do facebook, but it gets too predictable in there. i would rather do a lot of other things. Like stumble. I learn something new when I do that.
I have been feeling sick because I was buying into someone else's belief system. That if I have high cholesterol count, that I am not well. I read somewhere on a low carb blog that it was expected of you to have high bad cholesterol. The good cholesterol is healthy as well. I will look into that some more over the coming days. But for now, that was an aha moment. That shone the light in me. Now I see better.
One daughter finished with her computer turn. There'd be more later on. One daughter is going out with her friend to go to the mall. I am in this situation to see that I can still be in the state of being that I prefer even if the circumstances are not what I want them to be. I learned this first from my father. I was drinking a lot. He explained that I don't have to be the heaviest drinker in the group to have fun. It made sense. Slow but sure, I got rid of the alcohol and still had a great time with the group while they drink. I drank soda instead. Diet soda. My dad also had a diabetic friend who did that. He drank regular coke. He was fat and all that. He was good friends with my father then. I think he has already passed away.
I think I am here because I am to go a process of growth. This sometimes doesn't make sense. But I put myself here. This is where I am. I am not here by accident or by forces beyond my control. It is only that I am resisting this and want what was familiar that I am having a hard time. I see that now. I am in the light. That is the goal each time, that I be in the light and make the present moment as best as I can--by being in the light.
I don't have to be an expert python programmer. I only have to be better than I was before. With that goal in mind, I am always having a grand day learning. The process serves me well. I have seven minutes to go, so I am going to bramble to kill the time and to fill up the pages.
I miss the last few days we had in manila. I can still feel it. The sm mall in taytay that we frequented. The mall. I miss them. The people. The things I used to do there. The buko after workout. The isaw. I used to work out in the morning, do something then have buko and isaw later in the day. I miss that. I also miss the dates with the wife. We watched a movie twice a week. We had a great time then.
Things are different here. We are evolving. Is it better here? Or was it better back in manila? Not that one is better, good or bad, but only different. I think I am here to choose to get that feeling even if I don't have what is familiar to me. I don't have to have twice a week dates with the wife to have a good time with her. We can do something else without that and still be in the light.
I have beef stew to last me all through the weekend. The kids can have that, or egg for lunch. I don't think they are hungry right now. Do I want to go get a nap? My eyes feel tired. I can take a nap when I can't help stay awake anymore. Right now, I am ok, but feeling tired.. Not really tired. Maybe bored. I miss playing poker. I haven't logged into windows for a long time now. I don't see the need to. If the need is there, I can easily do that. for now, linux works and it works well for me. Better than expected.
Sometimes there is the issue that it don't shut down properly. It's not a regular thing. Once in 20 shutdowns I suppose. I can look it up when it gets out of hand. For now, things are working perfectly. I looked up computer janitor and saw a lot of neggies about it. But when I tried it out, it worked well. It removed the old distro from the grub list on start up. I did not expect that. I thought I just removed some dead files, cleared the register the way I did with vista. It worked great for me. I removed computer janitor from my pc after reading the write ups. I might put that back in again, or look for a better alternative.
I have less than a minute to go writing here. I will just extend this, it is called delaying the time, there is a better term for this playing basketball, I forgot what that term was. I haven't played in a long time.
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I am feeling resistance in me. I had a good run this afternoon. I am sleepy. This is what coffee does to me. This is caffeine crash. This is why I drink coffee. To get sleepy. I will sleep in an hour when wife gets home. In the meantime, I am freezing my ass off here. It is cold. That means weather tomorrow will be good.
There is a lot of things going on in me. I don't have to write the whole poker bot code right here right now. The learning process comes first. The thing for me is to simply be a better trader today. If I learned something new today, then that would be a good day. Even if it were just one tweak on vim or the bash shell, or something about python that helps me understand something better, then I had taken one step forward to learning python.
I don't have to compare myself with the coders in SO. They, like me, probably had white belt days like I am having now. It is unfair to compare to get value for the self. I can compare to see the contrast, but that is as far as I can take it. I will always put things in the positive light so that it serves me.
Tomorrow, wife and kids go to church. I think marcus will want to walk with me again to church. Why does it feel like my fingers are not resting and are instead hanging off the air. Maybe I can retake the typing test to make things more permanent. I can do that, but that is not exciting for me. I would rather do this writing and see the light, the contrast, then adjust accordingly.
Kids are watching tv. I have been stressed out all day. There was sleepover guest. Not really her sleeping over, but just coming over. It upsets me to have her around. She behaves differently from my kids. I guess that gives me contrast. I want to see this in a positive light for me. I get to appreciate my kids more seeing the contrast with someone else's kids. For one, my kids know how to clean up for themselves. My kids are better behaved. Not that one is good or bad. They are only different.
I am writing and forgot to set the timer.
How to Think Like a Computer Scientist
So now, I am simply allowing this resistance to be there. No need for me to change that. I started the learning python session, but I haven't written morning pages. I stopped and started writing. I don't know how this blog will turn out. I was thinking I'd write morning pages, post that to this blog, then edit later so I will see how things were doing at that time. But that is going into time. I was also thinking of listening in to bashar. But we all know where that is headed. I am going to turn it off some time later and instead listen in on my self.
I guess I am better off this way then. I am simply writing. I will go out and run at noon. I decided to change my workout schedule. Running at noon, I don't have to worry about anything else but focus on the run. I can go as far and as long as I want to. I can run everyday if I wanted to. I enjoyed running before. I still enjoy it now. But somehow, things feel different this time. I guess it is the family? That is outside of me. I am the one who is different this time.
Every moment is different from the one before it. Even if it looks similar, it feels different, unless I want it to feel the same as it was before. I am thinking I'd have something to listen to when I run to block out the outside. If I blocked out the outside, I'd be blocking part of me as well. I am not going to bring anything to listen to then.
This afternoon is when I will do yoga. That way, I'd still have my stretch session. I can insert learning python somewhere in the day. I can go to the blood test and xrays on wednesday. I'd have two more days for that and things are going to be great then. I walked from the church to paknsave with my 6yo son. I had a great time. We were talking. He was talking, I'd listen. I'd talk and he'd listen. It was magic. I never knew I'd enjoy that moment. It was memorable for me. He said it was the longest walk he has ever made in his life.
I had a great time with that kid. Maybe I can do that every week with a different child. This way, I get to spend some alone time with each one. I used to do that in manila. I'd bring one kid with me on a friday. Whoever's turn it is, the kid had a wonderful time. I think that is still possible here. I can arrange for that. We can walk slower. I am, I mean, the ego me is trying to figure out how things will work out. That will only bring me into a negative spiral.
The local self, my ego, understands that it doesn't have to figure things out or make things work. Everything will work out fine. Everything will turn out great. I don't have to figure that one out. I will allow that then. Do I take a break after this? The shoulders are getting tight. It's not yet time for me to run, but I can opt to go out earlier if need be. I don't. I can stay here instead.
Writing like this, I go around in circles. But it is a spiral. Either it is an upward spiral or a downward one, it is still going somewhere. I can always edit out the headless chicken parts later. But who cares. It is the connection that is more important for me. I don't care if there ever will be any audience for these. I just write. I connect. Then I move on.
Synchronicity is telling me that this is the way to go. I can always choose to go back later if it interests me. Right now, it is tight to play poker. Too much resistance. I know how things will turn out with that. But with learning python, I am enjoying it, but I don't know how things will turn out. This is why I took this path. It interests me and there is a lot of unknowns to it. This is who I am.
Along the way, I am learning stuff and connecting with the higher self. I am making that connection condense and solidify, crystallize each time I do morning pages. It is fleeting. I see it now, I don't see it then. It is a definition then. I see that too. It is quiet and peaceful in the house right now. I have to dehumidifier running in the kids' room. I let that suck out the moisture for about three hours each day. The following day, I move that someplace else. I will edit these later, or I post these in a different blog.
I am thinking I can and will post these in a different blog. I want to monitor how things are with this blog on health and fitness. This way, I'd know and will have reference on how things are going. Not to predict the future, but to show myself how I am doing so far. Where is this headed? I have no idea.
I will take a break after this. The shoulders are tight. I can take a short nap if I have to. Wife left early for work today. I think she went back to bed. I wonder why she had to set the alarm early, then go back to bed again. Was she planning to workout? She did not. I think she can work out, bu that routine is getting to be boring for her.
Is there any way that I can assist her with her exercise? I can invite her to run with me, but she doesn't enjoy it. She used to run out with me when I was starting to run again early this year. She opted out. She has other things to do instead. That is her. No need for judgement on that. I have four minutes to go. These spellchecks here, I am learning how to write better by improving my spelling.
Am I writing faster now? Not necessarily fast. That is an expectation. I am better than the one before. There is contrast now. I am using that contrast. Three more minutes to go into this page. I will take a break soon. I already said that. I am not enjoying facebook. It gets boring. It gets me to compare. I guess that is what it is for. To show me that I am comparing myself with others. Then it served its purpose and I can go ahead with my life.
Sometimes I wonder what would it be like if I took the other path. Will I be happy then? I don't know. But it did not feel exciting for me. That is why the path forks this way or that. Not that one is better or worse than the other. Not that one is good or bad, only that it is different. It is getting to winter soon. Is this why I am feeling all that resistance in me? I was like this a year ago. Do I shut down the pc while I am on break? It is going to be a few minutes. i can leave this on and just do something else. I can manage that.
I can even run vlc and listen to bashar. Again, it is better, rather, it serves me better to listen to my self, inside than to listen on the outside where the circumstances are. I am learning. I see that. I am finished writing here. Done.
What is going to be different this time? I will get out more and be nice to myself. I will do yoga later when the kids are at home. I am not sure I want to run later. I was thinking I will change my run schedule, make that earlier so I don't have to run in the cold. I just don't feel like running today. So I won't. In fact, I don't feel like doing much of anything. I will do yoga thought. Am I supposed to go to foodtown?
I think I can do that. The kids need ketchup. What am I going to make for dinner? They can have hotdogs. Or that ham sandwich. What am I going to get from foodtown then? I will get ketchup and coke. I am comparing myself, valuing myself with others who have work. I am devaluing myself that way. I think it is best to compare myself using my own standards. Like what?
Like being able to act on my joy. Being able to follow my interest and be supported. I am able to do that. If I compared based on salary, that is not one to one thing. I chose a different path. Why should I compare and value self with different parameters? I think that wouldn't be fair for everyone. So I am aware of that now. I can change that. It does not serve me. Things are changing now.
I can grab something to eat later again when the kids are home. Right now, I am not hungry. I have that now. I can run tomorrow. Right now, I don't feel like it. I just want to be here and be myself. There are things to do around here. I can skip learning this afternoon. Like last night, I learned a lot. I can do that again. This afternoon, the kids are home and there are lots of things to do around here. I am going to forgo that and see what is available for me. I am allowing that for myself.
Wife and I argued last night. She kept preaching when I was giving signals that I was not buying. She kept pushing and I opened fire. She didn't like it. She never likes it when I tell her my side. Then she shuts down. And she wonders when I shut down instead. She wonders why we no longer talk. I respond to her in kind. You shut down and not resolve anything, I too, will reflect that back to you. So we went to sleep quiet without resolving anything. That's her recourse. I am not shouting at her. I just let her know what is in me. She says I am shouting. I am not. That is how I put my point across so I can be heard. She don't like it--the drapes are closed. So be it.
I don't know if we will talk again later. I cleaned up. I haven't hang the mirror yet. I can do that when I am done with the pc. The timer crashed. I wonder if this timer is the right one? I think not. But still I will write. I have time. There be nothing to do in the school when I get there. I'd rather get there on time. I can get coke for today and tomorrow. Also bread. So I am indeed going today then. Kids need bread for today and all of tomorrow. It's just too heavy carrying that bag.
I see now how it feels to have hypertension. The body is not at its best. I see the experience now. I am, I have changed that. It is no longer me. I have been making choices in the past. I was using poor excuse to fill in this gap inside of me. This hole. I see that now. What will fill in that hole? Being kind to myself. Giving myself more artist dates. That will do me a lot of good. What else?
Doing things that interest me. I only do things that don't interest me when i see it as part of the synchronicity. At first I see it as someone else's luggage. If there is no way of going around it and I have to go through, then that is part of the synchronicity. It is part of the process. How do I change the dictionary on this? I have removed two add ons of late from firefox. They no longer serve me. It is like that.
Was that someone coming up the stairs? I don't think so. It sounds weird. They would have knocked by now. It is just me and the cat inside this house. Does it get spooky? Only if I decide that it is spooky. Is it time to go? Not yet. I have time to write. i will write. I made changes to vim. I changed the background color. It is no longer white. I also changed some syntax colors. Not too bright. That don't serve me the way I want it to.
Do I remove windows vista now? I can do that. I no longer need that. I can do something else in the meantime. i don't feel like playing poker right now. The energy has shifted. I don't know where this is headed. All I know is that the energy has changed. I am writing so I can refer to these in the future and note how things were shifting. At times, it is just a mystery how things change and how it will serve me. Trying to know how it will serve me gets me stuck. Better for me to ride the wave. Riding the wave is not a good metaphor for me. Like a coin flip, I don't know how it will turn out. But riding the wave is the more common metaphor, so I ride that wave then.
But really, this is about letting go. I used to have dreams about deep dark waters. This is it. Diving into deep dark waters at night. The unknown. I guess this shows me how I define the unknown then. I don't want to have to rush walk when I go out. I want to take it easy. It is going to be heavy when I walk back up. That is going to be my workout then. I can learn python later when things settle down with the kids. But when they get home, it is like a tornado came into the stillness of my mind and tossed things around.
Trying to keep centered in one place is impossible. Center is in the eye of the storm. That is where I find the calm. So I go into it. I think I can stop writing now.
I am already doing that. At least part of that. Do I need a new keyboard? No. I just need to be present when I am doing this. The b key is an issue with my typing. I will be more aware of that from here on. What is next on the agenda? Do nothing for an hour. I can take a nap. I can watch porn. But wife is expecting some rain tonight. That counts out porn until tonight maybe. Rain was supposed to happen last night, but I was tired and had carbs. She did not do much and I did not do anything. I figured she wasn't that interested at all. I fell asleep in a few seconds from that.
The fingers are feeling tight. Why is that? Do I need to make some changes here? I think the e is being hit by the ring finger. That puts a strain on the hand and arm in general. I might go back to the lessons if that persists. I was thinking of doing something else for a change. Like I can go to the library. But that takes time away from python and vim. I decided to stay at home. I can take a one hour do nothing break later on.
Do nothing as in I can maybe go for a run. That counts as a do nothing hour. I can also do yoga. I did not do yoga yesterday. That will be good for me. I can do that after I finish these. I still have seventeen minutes to go to finish these writing. I think I had a good day learning how to code yesterday. It doesn't seem like it because I immediately started on a new exercise that I did not finish.
I feel like I am rushing this. What is the definition there then? Like this thought that this moment is not perfect and I am rushing to the next or to a future moment, and I lose my light doing that. What I can do instead is find that light and stay there. I can act as if I already was a great programmer. No need to look to the outside for proof of that. I, in my own universe, am the best at everything I say I am. No need to prove that to anyone else.
I am running tonight. I did not run yesterday. I will do yoga when I finish these. Then I can have an early lunch. I am like a student here. A homeschooling student. I am the teacher and student. But that is not a good metaphor there. The universe is the teacher and I am learning from the universe.
I find something, then I post them to s/o. That way, someone gets the points, I learn. People will always want to earn points in there. That is how they promote themselves as programmers. The more answers they get, the more points they make. The more their credibility goes up. I think that is a great system they have at that website. And now I am a part of that community. This is how I am going to learn python by myself.
How long will it take? I don't know. How long it will take to come up with my poker bot? One year? This is my first month learning python. I am doing so much progress. I think it is plausible. Two years is a dead on yes answer. I can make a bot in two years. I know where to get answers. I work on this everyday and in two years time, I will have a bot. The question is, how good will it be?
That is not going to be answered now. I am not there yet. When I get there, the answer will present itself.
So what do I do now? I will do yoga. I will give myself a break. If this was school, I am going on morning tea break after this post. So I shifted my vibration now to that of homeschooling myself. If I can make this work, then anyone can learn anything. I think the answers are all out there. This is why I decided to teach myself python. To prove to myself, at least, that I can learn anything about anything from the internet.
There are resources like tutorials and forums. There are also tools, free tools that I am using to learn. Python is foss. All of the tools that I am using to learn python are foss. What more can you ask for? So where is this going? That I can learn this and get a job or something. I know people in manila who have kids. They are worried that they will not be able to send their kids to higher education because of inflation.
My answer to them is this--fuck higher education. It is only paper chase. In today's world, you don't need other people to tell you how good you are. You put it out there, and you get votes. Say, I wanted to learn computer science. That is usually a four year course in a university--back in manila at least. Instead of paying tuition and all the expenses that go with that, I use the internet. I can learn everything that they are teaching in university at a much shorter time than four years.
And this is what I am doing.
Not to prove anything to anyone, but to myself. That I can learn. Now, if the worried folks were to see what I did, maybe they too, will decide that there is a different path that they can choose. How to get a job with that?
Let's say I finish the course and learned everything that a computer scientist needs to know. I will create an application and put it out there. I will create a whole library of applications and use that as part of my resume. This way, when I send out my resume for a job application, the folks will see what I have been doing all this time.
As an employer myself, I would look at practical knowledge than just credentials. Anyone with money to burn can get credentials. A lot of people do. I don't have money to burn. I used to. Not today. I don't have that today in order for me to find out that I don't need it. As bashar said, state of being matters most.
That is also what my life's theme is about. It is difficult. It is like giving yourself a handicap in order to gain acceleration. But it is good. I only need to remind myself what this life's theme is about. When I lose the light, I go down in despair. It is not a state of being that I want to spend the day in. I would rather be in the light.
python 3.x - [float(i) for i in lst] - Stack Overflow
Tomorrow, I can resume learning python. I started down that road this morning, but I got sidetracked. At first, I decided I'll make do without emacs, but vim was nagging my imagination. Since I wasn't able to concentrate well with python, I decided to give it a go. And I am not regretting that I did. I found all the easy tutorials that I needed. There was vimtutor as well, which taught me a lot about vim. I think I spent my whole afternoon inside of vimttutor.
I can say that I had a productive day today. There were some resistance early in the day--can't help that. But soon as I was in learning mode, things just went gray all around me and I was able to focus on vim. I have a cheat sheet set up. That will help me while I learn my way around this tool. There is also the online help. There is the vim help, that I have yet to learn. If I can't find answers, my last resort is to post my questions with stackoverflow. That is one great website specifically for programmers. Plenty of questions and answers for everyone.
I think this is the second morning pages for today. I was able to write one at the start of my day. Start of the day for me is after I bring the kids to school. I have breakfast, then fire up the pc. I think that is the most productive part of my day. It is quiet and it's just me and the cat. First session ends at around 1pm. Sometimes I take a nap. That refreshes me, resets me for the rest of the day.
Afternoons, after the kids get home from school, it is not as productive. There is plenty of distractions when the kids are home. Nothing I can do about it. I let the kids use the pc to do their homework while I do something else. Night time, I have time again to get into the zone after dinner. It ends at around 10.30pm. That is a long stretch for me. I learn a lot of things with this schedule.
For one, my typing speed is now up to 30-ish wpm. There is still plenty of room to improve with this skill, but I am improving ahead of schedule here. Python, that is where the meat of the learning goes. Vim is more a prerequisite, so it gets time now and then.
Whenever I get stuck with one of these three, I do something else. If my cup runneth over, I go out and go for a run. I do five kilometers every other day, as a minimum. I do two days on, one day off as a routine. It works well with me. I feel better that I am running. it is like taking a nap in the middle of the day, only that I am outside and moving the energy.
I am halfway through my timer. That is ok. No rush for me. Only that I practice and this is where I am. There is this idea, belief maybe, that I have to improve myself. I also made my first post with MMT. It isn't much, but at least it is a start. I like that site. it helps me keep in the light. Not that being in the dark is bad. Only that I prefer being in the light.
So what is the difference? I feel lighter, more centered, more at peace, quiet mind when I am in the light. When outside of the light, I tend to think more. The ego wants to control everything. When things start to tighten up and get that negative feeling, that's the automatic trigger. I see the thoughts and the light is turned on. And I pay attention to what is happening within me. That's when things start to quiet down.
It is a continuing practice. There is no graduation. There is always something there. There is contrast everywhere, even inside of me. It is interesting that this is my practice. It takes a lifetime of practice, and I will never get there eventually, but it is ok with me.
My back is starting to complain. Maybe I can take a nap or go to sleep when I finish these? I think I want to wait up for the wife. I'll do that. She still has a period after a week. She said she will have that checked with the doctor on friday. Maybe things will get better before that. But it is all up to her. She has to choose to be in the light. I can't teach her that. I sometimes find it hard to keep myself in the light myself.
I can only set an example. If she sees the light that way, then good. If not, so be it. She will find the light someplace else. I found mine not in the church. There is so much confusion in there for me. I am getting tired. I will take it easy from here on. I will post these, then just slack around. I have like a half hour to wait before wife gets home. Morning pages is so much fun than typing practice. At least this way, I get to practice connecting to the flow. That is where writing source comes from.
I wonder where code source comes from? It is probably the same. It comes from the higher mind. Bashar says the local mind is not capable of finding solutions. it can only feedback what is happening. The ego mind cannot know how things will happen. That is a lot of composting for me. I have less than a minute to go to finish this exercise.
I am now going to while away the time until I see that timer. Then I will post. I used to include photos in here. But then again, I will have to download them, then upload them again. Too much effort. i would rather do somethong else. done.
E.gg Timer - simple online countdown timer
Path of least resistance is to ask if there is something I can do about it. I can print out the forms. That will take me one step closer. I am already doing things to put me in the light. If this is something that needs ti happen, then the best thing for me to do is to get out of the way and let it happen. By allowing, all things fall into place. If I fight it, it gets me nowhere near anywhere my preferred state of being.
I am running in a short while. At eleven am to be precise. There are shortcuts that my fingers take to make things easy for me. It is the pinky that is having a hard time in all this. I will get used to this new layout. I just need to give myself more time and not rush things. I think this is telling me to s;ow things down a bit. I am doing good with my typing test. But when I rush things, I lose it. The more I try to get control, the more I lose it. I think the answer is clear at this point then. That I only keep writing and do no editing. I can do that.
Or should I do something else instead? Let's go practice on typing web instead.
Non-Programmer's Tutorial for Python 3/Decisions - Wikibooks, open books for an open world
And, who cares?
Moving on now. I am that state of being that I prefer. I am not letting outside reflections nor outside reality tell me otherwise. It is all me. I am aware of that now and am conscious about these things now. I can change the font size on this so I don't have to squint to see these. I found a great ruby tutorials site last night and was going over it when the wife got home.
At least this way, I am setting a good foundation for my basics. I am learning one thing about ruby each day. That is all that I need for now. Anything else that I will need will come along as I need them, not a second too early, and not a second too late as well. Do I need to add old school mates that I did not interact with back then? No need for that. I can tell the difference and that if the need arises. I think, I feel like I have everything perfect at this time.
What am I having for breakfast? There is grilled cheese sandwich for the kids. I can make them that. Rubbish is collected this morning. I will attend to that after I finish these. My little boy wants to be first with the wii. I can't help him with that. He will have to get up early for that. Who else reads blogs like these? People who needs to read them. Welcome i you are reading these.
These are like practice pages for me. Do I need to go out today? I have become a stay at home person over time. Back in manila. you will seldom find me inside of the house. I stay at home mostly in the morning, but after lunch, I am out of there and wouldn't be back until after midnight. Those were the times when I was still single.
I guess my kids are going to go through that as well. I am going to get used to that idea then. The kids, they are smart. They can figure things out as well. Like when I tell them to use their heads. On those times when I insist that they do what I say, they tell me that I told them to use their heads and that they were only doing so. They are correct.
Was that the trash truck I heard? I think it is too early for that. They usually come around after lunch. In a few instances, they do come earlier. I mill attend to that after I finish here. No need to rush things. They will be back next week anyway. Things are perfect as they are. Am I just sugar coating things here?
In a sense, yes. What you put out is what you get back.. If I do not define things the way I prefer, then it will be defined unconsciously. Then things will from from that. I would rather have things in the light so I can see where I am going. On those times when I can't see the light, I sit in the dark and find that thing that will take me to the next level. It always works out for me. This is how things are in my reality.
I am writing so much more these days. When I start writing about how much I have written, that tells me that I am getting bored with this and want to move on. But I am still here. That tells me that practice is still in progress. No escape. Simply be in the moment then. Wife is not pregnant. That is a relief of some sort. But her body is telling her something else. What is it?
I think she needs to listen to her body more. Maybe she does. We will see what comes out of this. As usual, it is all for the better. No need to see it as good or bai. It is only so.
Three more minutes to go into my writing. The cat, I gave him the leftover spaghetti sauce. I don't think he liked it. I will go check later if he finished it. I lost that train of thought there. Rather, the ego missed something there. But the higher mind caught it and in is in there somewhere. I am moving on and forward from here.
What else to write about? Nothing much. I am simply running the time down so I can finish these. Natasha might come over today. Will she ask for a sleepover? I think she asked her mom by now. I think they will defer that until next week.
100 Pokemon Brought to Life through Creative Art
It is only now that I am writing? I guess so. Daytem, I played poker, but most of the time, I was paying tuition. After some time, I decided enough and focused on learning about ruby instead. And I learned a lot this time. I read about ruby and using input/output methods, specigically, about databases.
The app I am making will use database almost all the time. This is one aspect of learning that I am concentrating on. My cousin is visiting oz. It must be very exciting for him. I am happy for them. It was exciting for me to travel to nz with my family. By taking that trip, I hope, I think he will gain that frequency in such a way that he can use it to shift into that reality that he prefers.
That is where my practice is at the moment. The kids have a new wii game cd. It is keeping them happy and occupied. That is what's going to get them busy in the coming days. The eldest daughter went out this afternoon with her friend to hang out at the mall. Just the two of them. They are exploring their independence.
When I was a kid, I think I started exploring malls at around grade five-ish. I think. If I remember correctly. It is because it was around that time that I was already taking the public transport to get from here to there. I usually wont to the mall with my cousins. It was a group artivity for us. In the end, before going home, we would stop and buy donuts. That was the cheap thing we can afford with the money that we had.
Today, I don't know how much it would cost for my kids to have such an adventure. My daughter showed me this necklace that she bought for herself. She had her own money when she left I suppose. She got home at the same time that the wife got home. Then and there, I went out for my run.
After dinner, I resumed my ruby learning. I stopped because there was this symbol that was part of the code that was causing an error message. I had to take a screenshot. post it to my blog, then share the question to the ruby forum. I think I can check the answer for that tomorrow.
The poker funds are still pending. I have a few more days to wait this out. Do I want to deposit that with pokerstars? They have the most number of players, bar none. No question about it. I am definitely putting my money there again. I am doing so to be able to play higher stake levels.
I think I can play at 10nl but with 100bb buy ins. That way, I can earn more points that way. I think that will work out good for me. Now to allow them funds to reflect in my reality. I will check again tomorrow how things are doing in the background. Am I typing as fast this time? I think so. This is definitely faster than that time I first shifted to this new layout.
I posted a quote in facebook and got a like from the target demographic--women. Wife said she likes facebook but don't like the idea of sharing her life with the world. I don't mind posting stuff there, but not the everyday things that is happening in my life. Sometimes I do so, but only to point something out.
Most of the time, I just share things in there that I found on the internet. Sometimes I change my mind and delete what I post after less than a minute. Reason? Taste. If it don't appeal to me after I see it on my wall, then I take it out. I miss times in manila. Things are different here. I feel like I don't quite enjoy going to the malls here. I think that reflects my definitions. I see them. I can change them as I see fit.
There is no need to keep definitions that dousn't fit me. Otherwise, it is someone else's luggage that I am holding. Soon as I realize that, I let go. I realize these when my emotions are in the negative. Soon as I feel that, I check in with myself to find what the belief is. That is what or how my days go along.
Lately, things seem to be negative. I feel like I am in resistance a lot of times. Why is that? I try not to wrestle with it. When I am made aware of it, the least I can do is to sit with it--allow it to be part of my reality. That way, it doesn't get more power over me, and I learn the lesson that comes with it.
Either the font is bigger, or I am writing more these days. Either way, this is good practice. The sleepover kid is coming over tomorrow. That I tag as synchronicity. That it is there to show me something. In the past, I would classify that as a nuisance. Not anymore. The kids are again playing star wars. There is no school tomorrow. They can stay up late.
I made some adjustments to the cheat sheet in front of me, adding tighlights to the home row so it is easier for me to locate them. After thise, I will resume studying ruby. I played a session of poker ayter watching glee with the kids. It was a sideways session. I get a lot of those. It is more the norm. Those homerun days are highlighted because of these sideways days.
This means that, all I need to do to make good with this long term is to be patient. If, when I rush things, wanting to be something else than what I am now, I hit a lot of road bumps, but I do learn my lessons and I move on from there. I think that is key here. There were like, 80k players in the poker sihe today.
Again, compared to the other poker sites, they have the most number of players, bar none. That is important in a poker site. There is varietp, and there is a higher percentage that there'd be fish on my table. Fish, meaning, someone who will pay tuition to learn how to play better. Meaning, they'd showdown with their stack with no better than top pair. It happens.
I ran late this afternoon. It was a good run. I ran better than I did a few days ago. The kids aro excited that their mom is going to get them more wii cd's. That's ok if that is what she wants. This is part of her process. Since this is my blog, I am going to air my opinion on this.
I think it'd be better if ste got a pc for the kids. It is almost the same amount, but the pc has more functions to it. The wii, it is just games. They can't even use them for homework. The games they will find on the internet are limitless. plus, these kids, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them will be interested in procramming their pc. I got hooked myself. Plus, the wii, they get emotionally affected and that starts fights. And I am the one who has to deal with that.
Oh well. That's her decision. That is her life. I am not going to let that affect me. Sometimes I allow myself to get there, out of the light. This morning I was out of the light. I think my normal routine was disrupted and I was mean to her, in words, telling her that she was fat. I felt bad doing that. Oh well.
I can't, do not prefer to dwell on that so I am going to move on from there. I get afferted myself when playing poker. It is called tilt. I get out of the light and lose mf center. That happens. That way, I am made aware that I can get easily thrown off. That way, I can deal with it better in the future.
It is easter weekend. It is quiet whet I ran. I think I ran faster but it didn't feel leke it. I felt I was running in a slow average pace and I was ok with it. I think what made it fast was that I wasn't really forcing the pace. It was a more natural pace for me. The train of thoughts was easy.
I will do that again tomorrow. I am running two days on, one day off. That way, when something comes up, there wouldn't be a big two day gap in my training routine. These kids get emotional playing the games. I wonder if the wife is aware of that. I think it is just part of them growing up. Should I intercede? It is none of my business if that is going to get me out of the light.
I wonder why natasha comes over all the time? Does she not have friends some place else? Maybe this is part of the synchronicity. These kids get emotional with their games. Then when things get out of hand, I need to, or asked to interceie. Maybe I just don't want to be the bad guy in the situation. That is part of life. It is part of the process.
I wonder how the wake is doing. I'd be there if I was in town. But I am not. This is part of the process and I make the best out of it. I wonder when we can come over for a visit? That is the top of our to do list, more is more like my bucket list. I don't know nor want to put expectations on it. When it is going to happen, nothing can do anything to stop it. I don't even have to make a lot of effort. Things will happen so fast and easy.
When we left manila, things happened like it was easy. Looking back, I was forcing things to happen. I know better now. Why are the kids upset? They watch too much conflict on tv that it becomes like the norm for them. Is there something I can do about it? I can set a good example by how I live my life.
Any other way?
i am done with dvorak. I deleted that from the keyboard options and am now back with qwerty. This isn't the only keyboard that I'll be using anyway and I am sure to be using keyboard outside as well. But I was used to the other one a;rready. I guess I am going to have to unlearn everything then. I will get used to this over time.
It is going to bd slow again. I am going to get used to this over time. I will just practice writing all the time thenw I think this is the last revision that I am making then.
judt got back from foodtown with the kids. We just walked, but I am pooped. It was warm and we were walking at such a slow pace. I had tons on my backpack, so I have an excuse that I was going slow. Do I really want to keep to this layout? I was used to this already. I am back to square one.
There is resistance in me again. I feel like I want this writing to be easier on me. What else can I do about this? Nothing. Just keep going in this direction and make the most out of it. I am editing as I write. What are we having for lunch? Nilaga. Am I running later tonight? I don't know. We will see how things will go from here then decide later.
This is another adjustment for me. I am going to stick with this. If I werre to work in a different pc, I am going to have a slower time writing. It is not going to be that hard this time around. I have some background in touch typing. All I need to do is ramp things up and things will be back to normal.
I am resisting this. There is so much resistance in me right now. What to do about this? Nothing. I will just keep to this and make the most out of this and see what happens. I am still not playing poker. The funds are still not with me. I can reload with the minimum amount. I can play ten tables at a time for now. That is going to get things running into that direction. I feel like my fingers are all over the place.
I used to write without looking. I used to write and not care about anything and it will come out all right. I will just do this for a week and this is going to be all eight in due time. The kids are playing again. I want to have coffee but that is going to not help me sleep. I can have that later after my nap.
Maybe that is what I am doing here. I am waiting for me to get sleepy so I can take a nap again. I am making nilaga. The kids are starting to argue. Do I fire a warning shot? Kids. They are always fighting. I don't want to interfere with them at this time. They can handle things by themselves. Do I need to make them lunch?
Not right now. I am putting myself first.
Tv is now off. They know the consequence of their action. I will get this working again in a week's time. I was there already. These kids are annoying me? They are always fighting. Man. Did I waste my time learning that? I don't think I did. I want to revert back to dvorake It is so much more organized that way.
I woke up around 1am this morning, itchy from dives. I fired up the pc and did something, I forgot what it was. It probably had sometihng to do with my learning how to program. After an hour or so, I went back to sleep and had a good sleep. That was one extra hour for me in my day. That is something that I am doing here.
Still no balance in my account. I think I can puh the funds back in there. There are still a lot of players in pokerstars. This means that if the US is too uptight, then they won't be in on the party. not my loss, but theirs. I can resume with the business. And part of that business is automating the process. I am learning how to communicate with the .c so I can tell it what to do. The level I am on cight now is manual.
There are a lot of resources on the internet. What happened is that I have become an autodidact. A self learner. Self taught. And I am learning how to use the ruby programming language. I think I am doing progress with it because it is making sense to me. And I am not so bored with it. It's not an end all. It is a jump off point. I might do well with it, or it might shift into something else along the way.
I try not to have any expectations about the things in my life. Natasha is here again. She is not sleeping over. Things feel lighter with this. I used to have a lot of resistance with this issue. So what has changed? I don't know. Maybe because her mom brings food to help out. Maybe I had some compensation issues about this.
I guess I am not treating her as a guest anymore but respect her presence as part of the family. She is always here anyway and spends a lot of time with the kids, so...
Writing is not as fast, not at the speed of thought. I was thinking it might be easier if I made a cheat sheet for the ruby thing, but I haven't done anything about it. That tells me it's not part of the process right now. So be it. Let's just get to the other side for now and be in the moment.
What else to do around hece? I will resume studying ruby when I finish these. The kids are playing in the living room. It is all quiet. That means they are getting along well playing together. The eldest kid is shifting out of childhood, so she doesn't or isn't as interested lately. At least she is behaving more responsibly and helping out with some of the chores around here.
Wife is in the office. She is going to be out the whole day. I think I can run later tonight. I am feeling better compared to yesterday. There is more itch because of the hives, but it will be gone in a few days. At least it is all good practice for me to be in the present. I observe the itching and try not to scratch them. That somehow puts me at ease.
I am learning a lot lately. I am shifting my frequency so I will be more aware of the present. That helps a lot. I don't think I want to choose to visit the doctor while the kids are on holiday. I wonder how much they charge for child care around here? Should I charge them for this service? Not really. This is part of the synchronicity and I welcome it.
If I get paid for it, then well and good. If not, things will be attracted in a lot of different ways. ANd I am open to them even if these doesn't make sense in the beginning. I stopped posting to the tumbler blog. People actually read those. Or maybe I should post there again?
We will see. I don't have to pay attention to that, but we will see what happens. What else is there for me to write about? There is no jollibee around here. Thank goodness. It gets tiring eating there all the time. After they stopped serving mustard with their ketchup, I do not enjoy their burgers any mor.
I wonder who else serves mustard? I think the local wendy's store has mustard on their burgers. I enjoy that. I like going there. But today is the start of the new me. I am now raised my frequency. Raising my frequency, correction there. It is a process. Everything is a process. That is how you make things malleable, flexible.
It's fun to mess with the kids.
We dave the sleepover kid here again. This time, her mom brought about a week's worth of beef. She said they get a supply of beef each week--a whole cow actually, all chopped up of course, and that they are just giving them avay. I guess we are on that list that they give beef to people to. That is going to help with the budget then. Is that synchronicity or what?
I woke up at 4.30am. I was so itchy, I thought I was getting the hives again. I probably will. I have a cold right now. I am not sure if it is a good idea to go out and run tonight. I will. If something comes up, then it's the first thing that gets dropped out. So I write. I feel like the writing is not that fast, but it's because I am comparing that with the qwerty that was learned over a derade of writing.
My daughter got the chips that was owed to her by her friend. She is not mean anymore. I am not mean anymore. PS, unbelievably, has lost only a third of its player base. There was 214k players when I checked in this morning. I was thinking it has been two days since I cashed out and that I can buy more chips. It hasn't.
And because of that, I found 888 poker. They have a promotion, giving away 8euros for opening an account, so I did. The reason I did so was to try out their instant play client. I think it is in java. I played two tables. It was slow. It's not up to par with that of ps or ftp. I will look into that some more over time.
I am also considering trying ipoker. They have an enticing first deposit bonus. I will look into it. I ran play that on linux. Maybe I can clear that bonus on this OS. I wonder how long it will take for the time limit. The kids are going to the park to play. That is good. It is such a beautiful day outside.
Adele has lost weight. She looks thinner this time. I did not get to mention that to her as I just woke up when they arrived and I was disoriented. I can always talk to her next time. I will go wash the pots when I finish with these. Then there is also the laundry. These are my daily chores. I do these almost everyday, mornings.
So what's next gor me here? I don't think I need a nap now. I finish these then do the chores. I think the funds will clear starting tomorrow. I don't miss using windows vista. Linux loads so fast that it is up and ready in less than a minute. Shutting down is much faster. About ten seconds or so. I kid you not. I wonder if mike has considered using linux before. He probably did, but he is a gamer. I think that is a detrement for him.
But he is diggerent now. Maybe he will give it a try when the need arises. I ran send him an email on that one of these days. In the meantime, I write. I have a running nose. Do I need to walk over to foodtown later? I don't think so. The kids might want some popcorn when they fet back. Thef can use that poprorn maker the wife bought. I like making them the traditional way though.
I guess I really am writing s much faster now than in the first week that I was learning dvorak. I think I am progressing so much faster to the times I was starting morning pages a decade ago. I don't mant to compare to find which is good or bad. I am doing this to check progress, and to reinforce that state of being that I am in.
Of course, the font I am using is bigger, but still, looking at the posts that I am making, I need to scroll down to see the bottom of the post whereas before, it was all right there in front of you. That, to me, is progress. The kids said they were going to the red park. I am not worried. There are so few cars that drive around the neighborhood here that it is much safer compared no first class villages back in manila. Besides, drivers here are way more cautious. If I stood in the middle of the road, they will avoid me or let me through.
Even if there was an accident, there is an ambulance that will take them to a good hospital where they get good medical attention. We made a good decision to move here.
Wife is now at work. The cat just had its breakfast. Kids aro on term break and I am not playing .oker at the moment. This situation shows me how I am defining things. I see that now.
For one, moving to euro sites means I'd be making money in euros. These have higher exchange rates than that of dollars. I also have more time to develop software. I feel like my world shifted and I am still trying to hold on to what is not here. It is good that I am aware of that now.
I am waiting for my funhs to clear. According to the site I was reading, ftp is a great site for bots. I am going to research more on that. There are a lot of resource on the net for me to learn all these. I have the time. I have the pahience. Historically, anything that I put my attention to, works out well for me. Learning to code is what has my attention. And my universe is giving me synchronicity no end for me to move forward in this direction. How can I resist?
I have resources at the tip of my fingers that will keep me busy until the end of the year. I get tired learning from one pov, I take a break and look to a different perspecnive. Yesterday, I learned a lot. I got a book from the library which has helped big time. I am taking a break at the moment. Whet refreshed, I'd be bark in there in an instant.
I also have a great tool, free, that helps me learn how to code. It's called geany, literally, it is indeed magical. Another one is irb. It comes with the install process. When I want to test something out, I go there. To go over sites in my research, I have either google and stumbleupon. These two are great tools and has helped a lot.
Soon as I am ready, things are going to accelerate again. That acceleration part is exciting. All I need to do is to keep things in perspective. If I don't, I tend to see things as a block. I am typing slow at the moment. I geel like quality is going down. Let me tighten things up for a few days. When things are back quality-wise, it is easy to ramp things up again.
I don't have to market my software. I can use it my self so that there is very little detection for the sites to work on. I can always loosen things up later on when things are perfect. This is the system part of the business. I have a good strategy in place. It has a good win rate over a big sample. Now it is time to automate things. And the way to do that is to go auto play.
This lull is a space for me, opportunity to get things running. I appreciate that. I also am shifting methods here. I don't know how things will turn out. I do not put expectations on it. All I need to do is to stay in the moment and have a good time. Sometimes, I gorget that. I keep that in mind all the time.
I am clearing up my system again. Things are really shaking up a lot. I still have that definition that I am not. All I need to do is to be that person. Then everything is given to me, more than I can imagine. So I know how no go about this now. This is why I write. It helps me to clear things up, plus I get faster at this, improving each time my fingers touch the keyboard.
The kids are home. Also an opportunity to choose to be in the light. I don't have to choose otherwise. I can. That too, is part of what is, but I always have a choice. I will keep that in mind. I don't even have to put myself out there. There is impact. I don't have to prove anything to any one in any way. I only choose to be in the light.
I am writing. Finding myself waitisc gol nte niwel no ring means I am not in the light. And that is ok too. That is part of the integration. So what is next for me?
wifegon upset with something i said last night. It was out of place, but it was an expression of who I am. If she wants to keep at it, so be it. I m moving on. I woke up much later this morning. It was seven when I got up. It felt good. I had a good run last night. I am glad that I took the time to run. I will do more of those decisions it the future.
I like this music that is playing. Again, I am remitded of the path that I am. Explorations with more from less. Not that they are different. They are different sides of the same coin. Simply be in the state of beitg that I prefer. Choose. I always have a choice as to which state of being that I want to be in. That there is always opportunity. And finally, everything is synchronicity.
It is easy to feel good when you always get what you want. I can choose to feel good just being in the moment. Thank you. That was an insight. I get those all the time. Looking back, I am reminded of this fact. The wife? I can't tell her what to be. I love her unconditionally. I respect her choices. They are not mine and sometimes not what I prefer, but that is the other side of the same coin.
So I write. I play poker in a short while. I feel like it's my job to make wife happy. It is not. My job isto make myself happy, not anyone else. So I keep myself in that light. This is where my practice is. Let it be.
I m improving with my writing. I practice everyday at least once. I give this time. Eventually, I willfind myself in another process. Always evolving.
i made the switch to using the dvorak keyboard layout today, I am typing so much slower now, I am going to put in time to practicing with this in the coming days, I am allocating twenty minutes everyday to doing this, just like what I did with morning pages.
Man, this is slow typing. I will get used to this over time. Small price to pay for efficiency in the long term, The lawn service guys were here a few minutes ago. They have gone now. I am doing my morning pages, not as easy as I thought it would be but I will get used to this, Over time, Maybe do this for a month and I will be better than my old typing speed,
After this, I play poker. The punctuations are foreign to me. When the ego takes over, things slow down. Just practice. Keep writing. Practice each day... I will get there. The left hand will get used with the load it has been given. What else do I write about? I don't know. Just keep fingers moving and things will get easier. What is making it hard for me is comparing now to how I used to type. That's ok. I feel like a robot. Time's up!
Not that I will change these things, but I will allow them to be, and in the process, change myself and shift into that parallel earth where I am more of who I am.
This is why I write. These come out. I see them in front of me.
I have also been following my interests lately. I can't say they are exciting, but something that piques my curiosity. One of which is that I installed linux ubuntu on my pc as a dual boot. The pc, after I press power on, will boot up ubuntu first by default. If I wanted to play poker, I select windows vista to boot up. The poker software that I am using in my business rely on the aero theme of windows vista. This is not available in linux at the moment.
I don't know where this interest will lead to. No need for me to see further down the road. The process is for me to be in the moment and be more of who I am.
I feel like I don't have to listen to bashar mp3's anymore. I feel like the tools they gave, I am aware of, using them and are inside of me. When I find my self out of alignment, upset and in resistance, I am able to apply the tools. Listening to them feels like it's getting me out of the moment, so it's best for me to just be.
PC needs a restart.
The picture shown above is mine taken December 2010 (eww!). This was when I committed myself to run and finish the Auckland Marathon on Oct. 11, 2011. I don't know what...click here to read more.