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How to Think Like a Computer Scientist

I am sleepy. I helped out an old person with their internet connection. I practically did not know what to do as their os is in italian. It would have been easier if it was in english. I can do one more check tomorrow, and then I will recommend that they call tech support. That will save them time. In fact, it is a reliable way to get help for them. It is free and the people who can help will have the tools to troubleshoot the problems they might have. It is not my problem if they have language problems, but I am sure tech support will have english speaking reps in their roster.

I am feeling resistance in me. I had a good run this afternoon. I am sleepy. This is what coffee does to me. This is caffeine crash. This is why I drink coffee. To get sleepy. I will sleep in an hour when wife gets home. In the meantime, I am freezing my ass off here. It is cold. That means weather tomorrow will be good.

There is a lot of things going on in me. I don't have to write the whole poker bot code right here right now. The learning process comes first. The thing for me is to simply be a better trader today. If I learned something new today, then that would be a good day. Even if it were just one tweak on vim or the bash shell, or something about python that helps me understand something better, then I had taken one step forward to learning python.

I don't have to compare myself with the coders in SO. They, like me, probably had white belt days like I am having now. It is unfair to compare to get value for the self. I can compare to see the contrast, but that is as far as I can take it. I will always put things in the positive light so that it serves me.

Tomorrow, wife and kids go to church. I think marcus will want to walk with me again to church. Why does it feel like my fingers are not resting and are instead hanging off the air. Maybe I can retake the typing test to make things more permanent. I can do that, but that is not exciting for me. I would rather do this writing and see the light, the contrast, then adjust accordingly.

Kids are watching tv. I have been stressed out all day. There was sleepover guest. Not really her sleeping over, but just coming over. It upsets me to have her around. She behaves differently from my kids. I guess that gives me contrast. I want to see this in a positive light for me. I get to appreciate my kids more seeing the contrast with someone else's kids. For one, my kids know how to clean up for themselves. My kids are better behaved. Not that one is good or bad. They are only different.

I am writing and forgot to set the timer.

How to Think Like a Computer Scientist

10.34am

I had corned beef for breakfast this morning. Kids went to school. No issues there. It is back to peace and quiet around the house. This morning, as well as the recent weeks, I have been feeling, holding on to a lot of resistance in me. I don't understand why this is so. I guess I am having the opportunity to integrate this as a negative side of me, part of the contrast. The one is the all, the all are the one. So what I put out, is what I get back.

So now, I am simply allowing this resistance to be there. No need for me to change that. I started the learning python session, but I haven't written morning pages. I stopped and started writing. I don't know how this blog will turn out. I was thinking I'd write morning pages, post that to this blog, then edit later so I will see how things were doing at that time. But that is going into time. I was also thinking of listening in to bashar. But we all know where that is headed. I am going to turn it off some time later and instead listen in on my self.

I guess I am better off this way then. I am simply writing. I will go out and run at noon. I decided to change my workout schedule. Running at noon, I don't have to worry about anything else but focus on the run. I can go as far and as long as I want to. I can run everyday if I wanted to. I enjoyed running before. I still enjoy it now. But somehow, things feel different this time. I guess it is the family? That is outside of me. I am the one who is different this time.

Every moment is different from the one before it. Even if it looks similar, it feels different, unless I want it to feel the same as it was before. I am thinking I'd have something to listen to when I run to block out the outside. If I blocked out the outside, I'd be blocking part of me as well. I am not going to bring anything to listen to then.

This afternoon is when I will do yoga. That way, I'd still have my stretch session. I can insert learning python somewhere in the day. I can go to the blood test and xrays on wednesday. I'd have two more days for that and things are going to be great then. I walked from the church to paknsave with my 6yo son. I had a great time. We were talking. He was talking, I'd listen. I'd talk and he'd listen. It was magic. I never knew I'd enjoy that moment. It was memorable for me. He said it was the longest walk he has ever made in his life.

I had a great time with that kid. Maybe I can do that every week with a different child. This way, I get to spend some alone time with each one. I used to do that in manila. I'd bring one kid with me on a friday. Whoever's turn it is, the kid had a wonderful time. I think that is still possible here. I can arrange for that. We can walk slower. I am, I mean, the ego me is trying to figure out how things will work out. That will only bring me into a negative spiral.

The local self, my ego, understands that it doesn't have to figure things out or make things work. Everything will work out fine. Everything will turn out great. I don't have to figure that one out. I will allow that then. Do I take a break after this? The shoulders are getting tight. It's not yet time for me to run, but I can opt to go out earlier if need be. I don't. I can stay here instead.

Writing like this, I go around in circles. But it is a spiral. Either it is an upward spiral or a downward one, it is still going somewhere. I can always edit out the headless chicken parts later. But who cares. It is the connection that is more important for me. I don't care if there ever will be any audience for these. I just write. I connect. Then I move on.

Synchronicity is telling me that this is the way to go. I can always choose to go back later if it interests me. Right now, it is tight to play poker. Too much resistance. I know how things will turn out with that. But with learning python, I am enjoying it, but I don't know how things will turn out. This is why I took this path. It interests me and there is a lot of unknowns to it. This is who I am.

Along the way, I am learning stuff and connecting with the higher self. I am making that connection condense and solidify, crystallize each time I do morning pages. It is fleeting. I see it now, I don't see it then. It is a definition then. I see that too. It is quiet and peaceful in the house right now. I have to dehumidifier running in the kids' room. I let that suck out the moisture for about three hours each day. The following day, I move that someplace else. I will edit these later, or I post these in a different blog.

I am thinking I can and will post these in a different blog. I want to monitor how things are with this blog on health and fitness. This way, I'd know and will have reference on how things are going. Not to predict the future, but to show myself how I am doing so far. Where is this headed? I have no idea.

I will take a break after this. The shoulders are tight. I can take a short nap if I have to. Wife left early for work today. I think she went back to bed. I wonder why she had to set the alarm early, then go back to bed again. Was she planning to workout? She did not. I think she can work out, bu that routine is getting to be boring for her.

Is there any way that I can assist her with her exercise? I can invite her to run with me, but she doesn't enjoy it. She used to run out with me when I was starting to run again early this year. She opted out. She has other things to do instead. That is her. No need for judgement on that. I have four minutes to go. These spellchecks here, I am learning how to write better by improving my spelling.

Am I writing faster now? Not necessarily fast. That is an expectation. I am better than the one before. There is contrast now. I am using that contrast. Three more minutes to go into this page. I will take a break soon. I already said that. I am not enjoying facebook. It gets boring. It gets me to compare. I guess that is what it is for. To show me that I am comparing myself with others. Then it served its purpose and I can go ahead with my life.

Sometimes I wonder what would it be like if I took the other path. Will I be happy then? I don't know. But it did not feel exciting for me. That is why the path forks this way or that. Not that one is better or worse than the other. Not that one is good or bad, only that it is different. It is getting to winter soon. Is this why I am feeling all that resistance in me? I was like this a year ago. Do I shut down the pc while I am on break? It is going to be a few minutes. i can leave this on and just do something else. I can manage that.

I can even run vlc and listen to bashar. Again, it is better, rather, it serves me better to listen to my self, inside than to listen on the outside where the circumstances are. I am learning. I see that. I am finished writing here. Done.

bot notes

I had a long nap this morning at around ten. I don't know how many minutes that was. I had lunch when I awoke. I am going to pick up the kids in an hour. I haven't written morning pages yet, so here I am. I am not sure if I want to run later. I am back on the antihypertensives. I am shifting this for good. Not that I am angry or whatever. It is just that this no longer serves me and I am going to let this go. I mean eating to fill in that gap inside of me.

What is going to be different this time? I will get out more and be nice to myself. I will do yoga later when the kids are at home. I am not sure I want to run later. I was thinking I will change my run schedule, make that earlier so I don't have to run in the cold. I just don't feel like running today. So I won't. In fact, I don't feel like doing much of anything. I will do yoga thought. Am I supposed to go to foodtown?

I think I can do that. The kids need ketchup. What am I going to make for dinner? They can have hotdogs. Or that ham sandwich. What am I going to get from foodtown then? I will get ketchup and coke. I am comparing myself, valuing myself with others who have work. I am devaluing myself that way. I think it is best to compare myself using my own standards. Like what?

Like being able to act on my joy. Being able to follow my interest and be supported. I am able to do that. If I compared based on salary, that is not one to one thing. I chose a different path. Why should I compare and value self with different parameters? I think that wouldn't be fair for everyone. So I am aware of that now. I can change that. It does not serve me. Things are changing now.

I can grab something to eat later again when the kids are home. Right now, I am not hungry. I have that now. I can run tomorrow. Right now, I don't feel like it. I just want to be here and be myself. There are things to do around here. I can skip learning this afternoon. Like last night, I learned a lot. I can do that again. This afternoon, the kids are home and there are lots of things to do around here. I am going to forgo that and see what is available for me. I am allowing that for myself.

Wife and I argued last night. She kept preaching when I was giving signals that I was not buying. She kept pushing and I opened fire. She didn't like it. She never likes it when I tell her my side. Then she shuts down. And she wonders when I shut down instead. She wonders why we no longer talk. I respond to her in kind. You shut down and not resolve anything, I too, will reflect that back to you. So we went to sleep quiet without resolving anything. That's her recourse. I am not shouting at her. I just let her know what is in me. She says I am shouting. I am not. That is how I put my point across so I can be heard. She don't like it--the drapes are closed. So be it.

I don't know if we will talk again later. I cleaned up. I haven't hang the mirror yet. I can do that when I am done with the pc. The timer crashed. I wonder if this timer is the right one? I think not. But still I will write. I have time. There be nothing to do in the school when I get there. I'd rather get there on time. I can get coke for today and tomorrow. Also bread. So I am indeed going today then. Kids need bread for today and all of tomorrow. It's just too heavy carrying that bag.

I see now how it feels to have hypertension. The body is not at its best. I see the experience now. I am, I have changed that. It is no longer me. I have been making choices in the past. I was using poor excuse to fill in this gap inside of me. This hole. I see that now. What will fill in that hole? Being kind to myself. Giving myself more artist dates. That will do me a lot of good. What else?

Doing things that interest me. I only do things that don't interest me when i see it as part of the synchronicity. At first I see it as someone else's luggage. If there is no way of going around it and I have to go through, then that is part of the synchronicity. It is part of the process. How do I change the dictionary on this? I have removed two add ons of late from firefox. They no longer serve me. It is like that.

Was that someone coming up the stairs? I don't think so. It sounds weird. They would have knocked by now. It is just me and the cat inside this house. Does it get spooky? Only if I decide that it is spooky. Is it time to go? Not yet. I have time to write. i will write. I made changes to vim. I changed the background color. It is no longer white. I also changed some syntax colors. Not too bright. That don't serve me the way I want it to.

Do I remove windows vista now? I can do that. I no longer need that. I can do something else in the meantime. i don't feel like playing poker right now. The energy has shifted. I don't know where this is headed. All I know is that the energy has changed. I am writing so I can refer to these in the future and note how things were shifting. At times, it is just a mystery how things change and how it will serve me. Trying to know how it will serve me gets me stuck. Better for me to ride the wave. Riding the wave is not a good metaphor for me. Like a coin flip, I don't know how it will turn out. But riding the wave is the more common metaphor, so I ride that wave then.

But really, this is about letting go. I used to have dreams about deep dark waters. This is it. Diving into deep dark waters at night. The unknown. I guess this shows me how I define the unknown then. I don't want to have to rush walk when I go out. I want to take it easy. It is going to be heavy when I walk back up. That is going to be my workout then. I can learn python later when things settle down with the kids. But when they get home, it is like a tornado came into the stillness of my mind and tossed things around.

Trying to keep centered in one place is impossible. Center is in the eye of the storm. That is where I find the calm. So I go into it. I think I can stop writing now.

bot notes

python 3.x - [float(i) for i in lst] - Stack Overflow

I found myself facing a wall solving python exercises, so I decided to take a break. A typing break. I will get back to python in an hour. It was supposed to rain today. I was thinking of doing the laundry but there wasn't enough dirty clothes. I guess I am going to have to do them tomorrow. What to do when I take a break?

I am already doing that. At least part of that. Do I need a new keyboard? No. I just need to be present when I am doing this. The b key is an issue with my typing. I will be more aware of that from here on. What is next on the agenda? Do nothing for an hour. I can take a nap. I can watch porn. But wife is expecting some rain tonight. That counts out porn until tonight maybe. Rain was supposed to happen last night, but I was tired and had carbs. She did not do much and I did not do anything. I figured she wasn't that interested at all. I fell asleep in a few seconds from that.

The fingers are feeling tight. Why is that? Do I need to make some changes here? I think the e is being hit by the ring finger. That puts a strain on the hand and arm in general. I might go back to the lessons if that persists. I was thinking of doing something else for a change. Like I can go to the library. But that takes time away from python and vim. I decided to stay at home. I can take a one hour do nothing break later on.

Do nothing as in I can maybe go for a run. That counts as a do nothing hour. I can also do yoga. I did not do yoga yesterday. That will be good for me. I can do that after I finish these. I still have seventeen minutes to go to finish these writing. I think I had a good day learning how to code yesterday. It doesn't seem like it because I immediately started on a new exercise that I did not finish.

I feel like I am rushing this. What is the definition there then? Like this thought that this moment is not perfect and I am rushing to the next or to a future moment, and I lose my light doing that. What I can do instead is find that light and stay there. I can act as if I already was a great programmer. No need to look to the outside for proof of that. I, in my own universe, am the best at everything I say I am. No need to prove that to anyone else.

I am running tonight. I did not run yesterday. I will do yoga when I finish these. Then I can have an early lunch. I am like a student here. A homeschooling student. I am the teacher and student. But that is not a good metaphor there. The universe is the teacher and I am learning from the universe.

I find something, then I post them to s/o. That way, someone gets the points, I learn. People will always want to earn points in there. That is how they promote themselves as programmers. The more answers they get, the more points they make. The more their credibility goes up. I think that is a great system they have at that website. And now I am a part of that community. This is how I am going to learn python by myself.

How long will it take? I don't know. How long it will take to come up with my poker bot? One year? This is my first month learning python. I am doing so much progress. I think it is plausible. Two years is a dead on yes answer. I can make a bot in two years. I know where to get answers. I work on this everyday and in two years time, I will have a bot. The question is, how good will it be?

That is not going to be answered now. I am not there yet. When I get there, the answer will present itself.

So what do I do now? I will do yoga. I will give myself a break. If this was school, I am going on morning tea break after this post. So I shifted my vibration now to that of homeschooling myself. If I can make this work, then anyone can learn anything. I think the answers are all out there. This is why I decided to teach myself python. To prove to myself, at least, that I can learn anything about anything from the internet.

There are resources like tutorials and forums. There are also tools, free tools that I am using to learn. Python is foss. All of the tools that I am using to learn python are foss. What more can you ask for? So where is this going? That I can learn this and get a job or something. I know people in manila who have kids. They are worried that they will not be able to send their kids to higher education because of inflation.

My answer to them is this--fuck higher education. It is only paper chase. In today's world, you don't need other people to tell you how good you are. You put it out there, and you get votes. Say, I wanted to learn computer science. That is usually a four year course in a university--back in manila at least. Instead of paying tuition and all the expenses that go with that, I use the internet. I can learn everything that they are teaching in university at a much shorter time than four years.

And this is what I am doing.

Not to prove anything to anyone, but to myself. That I can learn. Now, if the worried folks were to see what I did, maybe they too, will decide that there is a different path that they can choose. How to get a job with that?

Let's say I finish the course and learned everything that a computer scientist needs to know. I will create an application and put it out there. I will create a whole library of applications and use that as part of my resume. This way, when I send out my resume for a job application, the folks will see what I have been doing all this time.

As an employer myself, I would look at practical knowledge than just credentials. Anyone with money to burn can get credentials. A lot of people do. I don't have money to burn. I used to. Not today. I don't have that today in order for me to find out that I don't need it. As bashar said, state of being matters most.

That is also what my life's theme is about. It is difficult. It is like giving yourself a handicap in order to gain acceleration. But it is good. I only need to remind myself what this life's theme is about. When I lose the light, I go down in despair. It is not a state of being that I want to spend the day in. I would rather be in the light.

python 3.x - [float(i) for i in lst] - Stack Overflow

E.gg Timer - simple online countdown timer

I spent most of my day learning vim. I think this is easier to learn, for me at least, than emacs. For one, there are modes that make it easier to work in. I still have a lot of commands to internalize, but I have enough under my belt to get me through with learning python as well.

Tomorrow, I can resume learning python. I started down that road this morning, but I got sidetracked. At first, I decided I'll make do without emacs, but vim was nagging my imagination. Since I wasn't able to concentrate well with python, I decided to give it a go. And I am not regretting that I did. I found all the easy tutorials that I needed. There was vimtutor as well, which taught me a lot about vim. I think I spent my whole afternoon inside of vimttutor.

I can say that I had a productive day today. There were some resistance early in the day--can't help that. But soon as I was in learning mode, things just went gray all around me and I was able to focus on vim. I have a cheat sheet set up. That will help me while I learn my way around this tool. There is also the online help. There is the vim help, that I have yet to learn. If I can't find answers, my last resort is to post my questions with stackoverflow. That is one great website specifically for programmers. Plenty of questions and answers for everyone.

I think this is the second morning pages for today. I was able to write one at the start of my day. Start of the day for me is after I bring the kids to school. I have breakfast, then fire up the pc. I think that is the most productive part of my day. It is quiet and it's just me and the cat. First session ends at around 1pm. Sometimes I take a nap. That refreshes me, resets me for the rest of the day.

Afternoons, after the kids get home from school, it is not as productive. There is plenty of distractions when the kids are home. Nothing I can do about it. I let the kids use the pc to do their homework while I do something else. Night time, I have time again to get into the zone after dinner. It ends at around 10.30pm. That is a long stretch for me. I learn a lot of things with this schedule.

For one, my typing speed is now up to 30-ish wpm. There is still plenty of room to improve with this skill, but I am improving ahead of schedule here. Python, that is where the meat of the learning goes. Vim is more a prerequisite, so it gets time now and then.

Whenever I get stuck with one of these three, I do something else. If my cup runneth over, I go out and go for a run. I do five kilometers every other day, as a minimum. I do two days on, one day off as a routine. It works well with me. I feel better that I am running. it is like taking a nap in the middle of the day, only that I am outside and moving the energy.

I am halfway through my timer. That is ok. No rush for me. Only that I practice and this is where I am. There is this idea, belief maybe, that I have to improve myself. I also made my first post with MMT. It isn't much, but at least it is a start. I like that site. it helps me keep in the light. Not that being in the dark is bad. Only that I prefer being in the light.

So what is the difference? I feel lighter, more centered, more at peace, quiet mind when I am in the light. When outside of the light, I tend to think more. The ego wants to control everything. When things start to tighten up and get that negative feeling, that's the automatic trigger. I see the thoughts and the light is turned on. And I pay attention to what is happening within me. That's when things start to quiet down.

It is a continuing practice. There is no graduation. There is always something there. There is contrast everywhere, even inside of me. It is interesting that this is my practice. It takes a lifetime of practice, and I will never get there eventually, but it is ok with me.

My back is starting to complain. Maybe I can take a nap or go to sleep when I finish these? I think I want to wait up for the wife. I'll do that. She still has a period after a week. She said she will have that checked with the doctor on friday. Maybe things will get better before that. But it is all up to her. She has to choose to be in the light. I can't teach her that. I sometimes find it hard to keep myself in the light myself.

I can only set an example. If she sees the light that way, then good. If not, so be it. She will find the light someplace else. I found mine not in the church. There is so much confusion in there for me. I am getting tired. I will take it easy from here on. I will post these, then just slack around. I have like a half hour to wait before wife gets home. Morning pages is so much fun than typing practice. At least this way, I get to practice connecting to the flow. That is where writing source comes from.

I wonder where code source comes from? It is probably the same. It comes from the higher mind. Bashar says the local mind is not capable of finding solutions. it can only feedback what is happening. The ego mind cannot know how things will happen. That is a lot of composting for me. I have less than a minute to go to finish this exercise.

I am now going to while away the time until I see that timer. Then I will post. I used to include photos in here. But then again, I will have to download them, then upload them again. Too much effort. i would rather do somethong else. done.

E.gg Timer - simple online countdown timer

Non-Programmer's Tutorial for Python 3/Decisions - Wikibooks, open books for an open world

There is so much fear in me these ;ast few days. There is fear about the future. More anxiety than fear, with the local mind wanting to know what is going to happen next. Of course there is no way for me to find out what the future holds, so the local mind finds itself in a constant loop. To get out of it, I shine the light on it.

Path of least resistance is to ask if there is something I can do about it. I can print out the forms. That will take me one step closer. I am already doing things to put me in the light. If this is something that needs ti happen, then the best thing for me to do is to get out of the way and let it happen. By allowing, all things fall into place. If I fight it, it gets me nowhere near anywhere my preferred state of being.

I am running in a short while. At eleven am to be precise. There are shortcuts that my fingers take to make things easy for me. It is the pinky that is having a hard time in all this. I will get used to this new layout. I just need to give myself more time and not rush things. I think this is telling me to s;ow things down a bit. I am doing good with my typing test. But when I rush things, I lose it. The more I try to get control, the more I lose it. I think the answer is clear at this point then. That I only keep writing and do no editing. I can do that.

Or should I do something else instead? Let's go practice on typing web instead.

Non-Programmer's Tutorial for Python 3/Decisions - Wikibooks, open books for an open world