I had corned beef for breakfast this morning. Kids went to school. No issues there. It is back to peace and quiet around the house. This morning, as well as the recent weeks, I have been feeling, holding on to a lot of resistance in me. I don't understand why this is so. I guess I am having the opportunity to integrate this as a negative side of me, part of the contrast. The one is the all, the all are the one. So what I put out, is what I get back.
So now, I am simply allowing this resistance to be there. No need for me to change that. I started the learning python session, but I haven't written morning pages. I stopped and started writing. I don't know how this blog will turn out. I was thinking I'd write morning pages, post that to this blog, then edit later so I will see how things were doing at that time. But that is going into time. I was also thinking of listening in to bashar. But we all know where that is headed. I am going to turn it off some time later and instead listen in on my self.
I guess I am better off this way then. I am simply writing. I will go out and run at noon. I decided to change my workout schedule. Running at noon, I don't have to worry about anything else but focus on the run. I can go as far and as long as I want to. I can run everyday if I wanted to. I enjoyed running before. I still enjoy it now. But somehow, things feel different this time. I guess it is the family? That is outside of me. I am the one who is different this time.
Every moment is different from the one before it. Even if it looks similar, it feels different, unless I want it to feel the same as it was before. I am thinking I'd have something to listen to when I run to block out the outside. If I blocked out the outside, I'd be blocking part of me as well. I am not going to bring anything to listen to then.
This afternoon is when I will do yoga. That way, I'd still have my stretch session. I can insert learning python somewhere in the day. I can go to the blood test and xrays on wednesday. I'd have two more days for that and things are going to be great then. I walked from the church to paknsave with my 6yo son. I had a great time. We were talking. He was talking, I'd listen. I'd talk and he'd listen. It was magic. I never knew I'd enjoy that moment. It was memorable for me. He said it was the longest walk he has ever made in his life.
I had a great time with that kid. Maybe I can do that every week with a different child. This way, I get to spend some alone time with each one. I used to do that in manila. I'd bring one kid with me on a friday. Whoever's turn it is, the kid had a wonderful time. I think that is still possible here. I can arrange for that. We can walk slower. I am, I mean, the ego me is trying to figure out how things will work out. That will only bring me into a negative spiral.
The local self, my ego, understands that it doesn't have to figure things out or make things work. Everything will work out fine. Everything will turn out great. I don't have to figure that one out. I will allow that then. Do I take a break after this? The shoulders are getting tight. It's not yet time for me to run, but I can opt to go out earlier if need be. I don't. I can stay here instead.
Writing like this, I go around in circles. But it is a spiral. Either it is an upward spiral or a downward one, it is still going somewhere. I can always edit out the headless chicken parts later. But who cares. It is the connection that is more important for me. I don't care if there ever will be any audience for these. I just write. I connect. Then I move on.
Synchronicity is telling me that this is the way to go. I can always choose to go back later if it interests me. Right now, it is tight to play poker. Too much resistance. I know how things will turn out with that. But with learning python, I am enjoying it, but I don't know how things will turn out. This is why I took this path. It interests me and there is a lot of unknowns to it. This is who I am.
Along the way, I am learning stuff and connecting with the higher self. I am making that connection condense and solidify, crystallize each time I do morning pages. It is fleeting. I see it now, I don't see it then. It is a definition then. I see that too. It is quiet and peaceful in the house right now. I have to dehumidifier running in the kids' room. I let that suck out the moisture for about three hours each day. The following day, I move that someplace else. I will edit these later, or I post these in a different blog.
I am thinking I can and will post these in a different blog. I want to monitor how things are with this blog on health and fitness. This way, I'd know and will have reference on how things are going. Not to predict the future, but to show myself how I am doing so far. Where is this headed? I have no idea.
I will take a break after this. The shoulders are tight. I can take a short nap if I have to. Wife left early for work today. I think she went back to bed. I wonder why she had to set the alarm early, then go back to bed again. Was she planning to workout? She did not. I think she can work out, bu that routine is getting to be boring for her.
Is there any way that I can assist her with her exercise? I can invite her to run with me, but she doesn't enjoy it. She used to run out with me when I was starting to run again early this year. She opted out. She has other things to do instead. That is her. No need for judgement on that. I have four minutes to go. These spellchecks here, I am learning how to write better by improving my spelling.
Am I writing faster now? Not necessarily fast. That is an expectation. I am better than the one before. There is contrast now. I am using that contrast. Three more minutes to go into this page. I will take a break soon. I already said that. I am not enjoying facebook. It gets boring. It gets me to compare. I guess that is what it is for. To show me that I am comparing myself with others. Then it served its purpose and I can go ahead with my life.
Sometimes I wonder what would it be like if I took the other path. Will I be happy then? I don't know. But it did not feel exciting for me. That is why the path forks this way or that. Not that one is better or worse than the other. Not that one is good or bad, only that it is different. It is getting to winter soon. Is this why I am feeling all that resistance in me? I was like this a year ago. Do I shut down the pc while I am on break? It is going to be a few minutes. i can leave this on and just do something else. I can manage that.
I can even run vlc and listen to bashar. Again, it is better, rather, it serves me better to listen to my self, inside than to listen on the outside where the circumstances are. I am learning. I see that. I am finished writing here. Done.