easy calling

I just had ice cream when I was scheduled to go out for a run. Why did I let that happen? It is there to show me something. Everything is syncrhonicity.

The kids are going to school tomorrow. I can resume workout tomorrow. I hate it that I couldn't go out because I can't leave the kids. I can go out, but I am going to be worried.

I want to be able to go out and just have fun, not worrying that I should go home because it's just the kids at home. I want to go out and do what I do. I go out, workout, spend time with my self. I miss that.

I guess this is the reason for the weight gain. I did not spend time on myself. I was waiting for things to move forward. I see that now. I am writing three pages of these. The kids can have dinner by themselves. I want to spend time with myself.

They are going off to bed early. They have school tomorrow. The eldest can stay up, but that is going to cause problems as the youngest is going to be alone in their room.

So be it then. I want time for myself. They wake up early tomorrow. Wife is still with the old schedule for three more weeks. That means after mid february we get the new set up in this house.

I don't know how things are going to move forward from then. I just point downstream each time. No need to know how things are going to turn out.

Also there is poker. Should I play poker instead? I can do that after this. I can also write some for the book. That is the issue that I have. One of the daughters has finished her shower. She is my youngest daughter.

I do not mention names in these blogs. I try to avoid them. I don't want too much familiarity. I might get popular someday and that might get dug up. But that's no longer me. That can happen. Everything is possible. But it's not me. It will happen because that was Synchronicity.

I have the old settings still in place. I am adding to autocorrect. One of these days it is going to be full. It is making bad habits in my writing but it is going to get things writing faster. Do I want that?

I can develop the writing habit of writing better. I can go that way. I just don't want spending so much time capitalizing every first letter of the word in every new sentence. I just want to get with it. This is going to go. Now. And. This is good. So.

I think that works good. I am moving on now. I do not do forex trading anymore. I spend so much time on the breakeven zone. I am better off playing poker as there is rakeback. Rakeback is breakeven insurance for me.

The way I play, it's not always up. Sometimes I get suckouts. Rakeback gives them back after a certain number of points played. Do I even want to play at a different site? no. pokerstars gives me the luxury of choosing the better table. If I don't even want the short stacks on my table, I can move to a different table.

It gets easy calling their small bets. I think I can deal with that. I get upset that way. I want to go out and go for a walk. I don't want to have to take care of someone else's kid. At least give some money for the food that she eats.

But will they do that for my own kids? Or am I just being selfish here? I don't think I am selfish. I think I am being fair. Am I? They have my kids over as well. I think it is all fair. No need for me to complain.

The kids are having ice cream. They had dinner. No more tv after dinner. Things are going to slow down then it's bed time at nine. They go to bed earlier. This way, they can get up early tomorrow.

This is going to be a change in habit. I would rather go to the north shore leaisure. They have a pool there. After this year, I am moving over there.

I am getting some business going online by then. That means soon. Not wishing. I am unfolding in that direction. I am trusting in the timing of all this.

Libre office seems to be working better now. It is really better than abiword. It's just a few seconds difference in start up but the functionalities are better with libre. I am going to stick with this one then.

Unless of course, abiword comes out with upgrades that make them as good, then I will switch over. I like their interface better. I just hope they make changes sooner.

Is there a way for me to download them? I don't think so. Let's just work with this for now and get to the other side each time. I spend the whole day at home. This is not who I used to be.

Tomorrow is going to be different. I am going to do work until ten, then I go out and go for a workout. By the time I get back, it's going to have been a full workout for me. I am going to get back for lost time there.

I think I was gone for more than a month. I know. I will just make up for it. I workout, then I do yoga later in the day at six. That is the setup on weekdays. I can also go on weekends.

What workout am I going to do anyway? I am starting to get sleepy. Do I want to listen to grooveshark? I don't know. I miss my train of thought when I listen to that.

I still have one more page to go. This is the morning pages and this is part of my daily routine. I have a big belly now. I do not like myself. How to go from here? I don't know. No judgement. Let it go. Let go of judgement.

I can always do something to like myself better. I can choose to be in that state of being that I prefer. I know how to go from here. I am getting sleepy again? Do I want to play poker? There might be new stuff.

Then let's play poker. I can log off from here then log back in on windows so I can play. I can do that. I also need to do my pnl stats for end of month. I can do that as well.

ok. that I can do. I don't know how things will turn out from there. For now, I just do this. I can play or not. I will do that pnl first, then I can decide if I want to play or not.

The little boy hasn't showered yet. He will when eldest daughter is finished with her dinner. How did the twists happen? Because the author planted it in your head. Otherwise, it is a predictable story.

I am talking about the movie, the girl with the dragon tattoo. It was a movie I enjoyed watching. It was dark. It was sick. But the story was good. The kids are bigger now.

It is not going to take long before they are teenagers and it's going to be me and the wife most of the time. How am I going to make things work here?

I think I know the answer to that already. The kids talk to each other or spend time better when the tv is off. This is the schedule when the wife is not around.

When she changes work, she is going to be home at dinner time. Things are going to be different then. I am done with the ice cream. It's not as exciting.

That shows me where motivation is and how it works for me. I see that. Even if that was the reason, then I welcome it. This is where I am. I stick with this. I am here and now.

Do I still miss being in manila? Of course. I'd like to visit one of these days. But since it is not here tells me this is an opportunity to practice being without.

Years are going to pass before we can go back. How? I don't know yet. Things are going to happen and everyting has a reason for it. The kids don't want to go to bed early. That's not their decision. I am the one who is going to have a hard time waking them up.

It is better this way. They might go to bed with the sun still up. That's part of the equation then. What else am I going to do? I can read up on that Copywriting book from schwab.

There is also that other copy book on advertising and it deals with motivation. Do I want to read that? It will be interesting. I have joined a new forum and I feel not up there to give advice.

Just make the best with what I got. Even if it doesn't fit, at least I helped.