I can't seem to access my tumblr account. I reset the password, and even with that, I can't get in. anyway, the site is probably down. I am going to do yoga today. I am thinking of alternating yoga days and gym days. I am still going out for a ride, later after yoga, maybe after eating something.
Today is day six. I feel good. I made changes in my attitude playing poker. This time, I did not care much about the outcome. I have been playing more than two years. If I stick with the gameplan and not care about the outcome, my win rate goes steadily up.
If I were to focus on the outcome and be so anxious whether I win a big hand or not, I tilt, and I stay in the negative much longer. I also decided to reactivate my holdemmanager. Pt4 has a number of issues. I don't want to deal with that now. Hm1 is working. Path of least resistance, use that.
Right now, I am exporting hands from pt4 so I can import them from hm1. That's a lot of initials. Anyway, I will do yoga while those are running in the background. My daughter is coming home early from school. She'll be here after lunch. I can go out for a ride then.
I'll go for a short ride this time. Maybe an hour or two. I am going to eat something after yoga. I am starting to get hungry. But first, I do morning pages. I just turned on the heater. It takes a few minutes to warm up. The bruce street rental is not going to push through. This gives me more time. I can drag my feet on this. I see that now. I don't have to actively look for houses for rent. This house is good for now. The only reason wife wants to move is so the kids can move to a “better” school.
In my opinion, it doesn't matter which school they go to. It's not the school. It's the student. Right now, all my kids are doing good in school. If kyla will get admitted there, then so be it. We might move for a while, and after she gets accepted, we can move some place else.
If you ask me, i'd rather move to the city, across the harbour bridge. There's a lot of places for me to explore on that side. There's also a lot of rides waiting for me here. It doesn't really matter where I live then. It's me. It's all up to me.
I did not listen to bashar this time while playing. I wanted to tune in on myself while playing. Get the habit of choosing what I prefer and it will take care of itself. It is cold today. The kids are going on term break starting saturday. Tomorrow is their last day. That's two weeks of action around here. I might lay low off poker while they are here to avoid tilt.
Should I charge adelle for her daughter being here? I think she can't afford it spiritually. She makes more money than I do, but I am giving more spiritually. There's the difference. It's not about religion. It's about energy. It's about frequency.
Not that one is better than the other. It's just different. No judgement. Maybe I can set up the tent while they are on break. We can sleep over in the tent to test how things go. I can go for a staking agreement, but that takes a lot from me.
I am making a thousand hands per session now, on average. That is going to up my points system. On that note, I still haven't received that jumper I ordered from pokerstars. They are starting to save up on shipping costs? I think so. They are making so much money, why are they treating their customers this way.
If I moved my game to a stake agreement, there are fewer players and I may have to play less tables. I'd rather look for a stake with pokerstars. This way, I am always on the go. No need to wait for tables.
I have been playing for more than two years and I am still in 2nl. This is what frustrates me. Now I am aware of what frustrates me. Should I go for a stake? If it wasn't for the money, I wouldn't go for a stake. Will I get better that way? I don't know.
For now, hm works better than pt4, I think. I can do my hand analysis from hm1. I will just import hands everyday. This way, I am going to spend an hour on hand study and analysis. This I can do everyday.
It takes a while to move hand history. This is because I am playing so many hands. I will do yoga now.
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
I am considering not playing on weekends. Plenty of fish that will call to river, or attempt to steal on the turn. Maybe I need to step up my game, play less tables on weekends.
How few is less? Maybe four tables, then grow from there. That way, I can pay attention more. But the reason I play more tables is to get more numbers. The more hands that I play, the less the variance. The variance tends to peter out that way.
One more thing, ps client has changed the client software and now I am able to play the maximum 28 tables. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I am going to start experimenting with it... to play with it. This might amp up the number of tables that I play.
I am back to almost break even. Do I play tomorrow? I want to play more with my bike. I am on low carb for the next ten weeks. I am motivated to work out. Today is day two. I weighed in at 91.10 kilos. That's pretty cool considering that I have been eating a lot these past few days.
My target is 20 kilos off, or elise's birthday, whichever comes first. If I stick to straight low carb ketogenic diet, I think I can go through woosh. That will help me lose pounds sooner. I am also doing long rides. That helps a lot.
I am considering going to the city during the week. The only problem with that is that I gotta get back home fast as I need to get the kids from school and feed them. It's the last week of school and we have a two week term break.
I don't know how this is going to turn out. I can still work out while they are at home. I can even go do yoga early in the morning. Wife can leave without me anyway. Do I go early to the gym?
I think that is possible. I can finish at around ten am and be home then. Kids breakfast? I'm not sure what to make them, but in the meantime, I can choose to go to yoga on thursday morning and see what happens. The only thing to consider here is the weather. It tends to get cold.
It's not as cold this time. Last year was cold. I remember doing yoga with the oven on and open so it gets warm. Or I am now more adapted to the cold weather. Why not take the kids camping while on term break?
Where to go? It's going to cost about five dollars each night to go camping with them. Or we can probably do that with the wife. We will need a tent though. It is going to get cold. We can do the camping with the car. This way, we can bring all the stuff we will need to get warm.
I think that is possible. Where can we go camping then? I don't know yet. Long bay has a campsite. I think we can go camping there. Also is the waitakere ranges. We can also go camping there and hike at the same time. It is a considerable ride from here, but might be worth it.
We will see what happens. This way, I don't have to play poker on weekends. Or I can play, but play less tables. I can do that. I can learn something when I zoom in. 24 tables and I am on autopilot.
This is because I want to play with less variance, by doing more hands. It's not this or that. It's this and that. Otherwise, there is going to be just one player. There is no one method that will make money. Right now, I am just going through another dry spell. It's a bummer this way.
This is something that every player has to go through. I am doing my low carb. I am going to start feeling better soon. And it will show in the reflection, in the experience that is reflected back to me.
No need to wait for that. Just BE in the moment. That is the key for me. I wasn't in the moment when I am on tilt. I am looking to the past and to the future, and not finding what I am. I see that now. I am writing and this is my outlet.
Do I go to the gym tomorrow? Yes. Yes I am. It is good to go to the gym. I get to have some sun, see some nice ladies working out, and I get to ride my bike. I am also on my weightloss regimen. I am looking forward to that. I am shifting already. This is what the shift is about.
The ego can accept small changes here and there. This is how I shift. I am learning still, more like seeing more of the light. When I see the light, everything is good.
The intention is no longer to have success, but to find alignment. Success is a relative term. It is comparing with the joneses. Whereas finding alignment is, I already have everything that I need. If it is something that I do not have, it is a matter of looking into the definition.
Like I do not have the success of the contemporary corprate executives that I know, but I am able to live my life the way I want to. They are saving up for that for the future. I am living that way now.
Their salary can buy them toys, I am able to play with and enjoy my toys whenever I want to—my bike. I ride my bike each day and I enjoy it.
The corporates can buy more expensive bikes, but seldom have the time to enjoy them. I have a grand time riding my bike to the gym. When I get there, I see some nice ladies while I work out.
I have a great family. I have great kids. I don't own a house, but we live in a nice neighborhood, and we live in new zealand.
The corporates do not have this. Not that I am better. I am only different. This is how I find my excitement, by finding the definitions that I have and finding alignment...being in the light. This is what life is about for me. Is this living a lie? no. I don't think so. If it's not interesting enough, I don't do it. Getting a job is not that interesting enough for me.
Nothing is working right on the internet. That tells me it's time to write. I haven't finished morning pages for today... as well as for yesterday. There's one hour to wait before dinner. I have enough time to write, and post these when I finish.
Wife and three kids are in the living room watching tv. I just discovered ghostery. It's a firefox add on that let's me browse the web without being tracked. Firefox, I think has something like that, but ghostery is more comprehensive. It gives me options as to which trackers to block. This helps make my browsing more anonymous, and not get tracked so much.
Not that I am paranoid about it. I just like it to be less information out there when I am on the internet. It's not a full body armor, but it's enough to cover the vital parts.
I played poker two sessions today so far. I am playing thousands of hands each day and I am breaking even. That's good news. I am improving, investing on my meta game, and earning points. One of these days, everything is going to fall into place.
The thing is, I am in the someday state of being. That's the issue. I am aware of that now. Instead, I prefer to bring everything to here and now. So I am going to be in that state of being that I already am the person that I want to be.
Be that which you seek today.
I had that insight shortly after I finished reading the secret. Somehow, things were connected and everything was accelerating from there. I discovered bashar shortly after we got to new zealand. From there, everything just started happening.
I am learning a lot. I am discovering a lot of things. I am enjoying that. Not that I understand everything, but when the timing is right, I understand. I see what the thing is about.
Sometimes, I don't know what comes in. I just allow them to be. I did not ride out today. There was grocery, then junk food session, then wife wanted to play boxhead and we took a nap. When I got up from bed, it was almost four. Not enough to get around for me.
I am mapping a shorter route to the city. I am going tomorrow. I found a route that goes through established cycle routes. These were not shown in google maps. I found the map in auckland transport. The cycle route cuts the google maps route by almost half. Total route is shorter by more than a third, I think.
The google maps route that I had goes around the motorway and through the suburbs. The auckland transport cycle way route cuts through all that and follows the motorway and goes straight to the city.
I think auckland transport made it that way to encourage more people to ride their bikes to work. I am enticed myself to get a job just so I can cycle that much everyday. I have the answer, rather the insight to that already. Why not just ride going to the city everyday? Why not get a laptop, then play poker when I get to the city while taking a break.
I can play two or three hours in the city, probably in the library, and when I finish, I can ride the bike going home again. That's going to be a good ride for me. There is an aut gym in the city. I can even go there. That's a great idea. I will go look that up.
I can go everytime I need to go to the gym. That's going to be a cool ride for me. I may need to bring my bike tire pump, but it's going to be a cool exploration ride. By the time I get there, it's going to be a two hour ride or so. I think the aut in the city is in manukau?
no. there is another one. Soon as I finish this, I will look it up and see where that one is. I think they have three branches in auckland. That'd be cool. I'd love to live in the city, but since I am not there, that means that this is connected.
Bashar said that unconditional love doesn't mean letting everyone else run over you. I understand that. This time, I will know how to go about this situation.
There are a lot of bashar tapes that I have and can listen to. Sometimes, they go around in circles. They do not fit into my phone memory. If they did, i'd be listening to them all day.
I can get a better phone soon or late. Things are getting more evident for me. We are headed into the finish line. Are things going to still come up for me? I am getting the insight that whatever comes, surrender and be open to the unknown. They will only show me more of who I am.
I am open. The ego mind, the local mind wants to be more in control. That's not possible. Everything is a reflection. I can change the man in the mirror, but not the reflection. What to do tomorrow?
I will finish mapping out the route via the cycle way and soon as I finish the morning chores, I am out towards the city. It might take about forty kilometers round trip. This time, I know when to take a break. I will take more breaks this time to ease up crotch pain.
I think I can handle it this time. Tomorrow is also day one for me. I can bring some foods that I can eat. Low carb foods. That's going to be an exciting ride.
Forecast for tomorrow is bright and sunny. I can make it there. I can be back by around six pm. That is going to be a cool ride for me. Flats? I can handle that. I can even report that the city council clean up the roads. I think they will do that.
I feel like I moved to cycling heaven. It's not copenhagen, but the intention is there. It's going to shift into that. How to get more people on bikes? Motivation. Definition. Soon as the timing is right, everything is going to fall into place.
How would it feel if there were more people on bikes? It'd be fun. I like watching people ride their bikes. When one rides by, I stop and watch. It's like art in motion.
It was a pretty ok day. I did not do day one as planned. Sunday. I spent time with the family. We already know what they eat. I'll get right to it tomorrow. All of them are out tomorrow, school and office. It's going to be just me and the cat.
I am going to the gym tomorrow. I will do yoga later in the afternoon, after my nap. That's how my week goes. Since I am doing this straight, I am also going to do yoga on weekends, unless it was a long ride day and I get home late, then I will not be able to do yoga.
What to eat on long ride days? Eggs. Boiled eggs. This way, I don't have to spend on anything. I can eat two boiled eggs when I take a break. Where to go? I am not sure.
I was doing research on camping in new zealand. It seems that you can't just set up a tent anywhere. You can do stealth camping, but that's like cheating someone else. I think they are judging people based on past peformance. Not good. Anyway, synchronicity will lead me. I will know what to do when I am there.
Do I ride next week? I think it is high time that I bring the bike for a check up. I can leave early in the morning, then come back after lunch. Where am I going to hang out? The wife and kids can go to the city and we can meet there.
Also, I found that the rain jacket I want is easily within reach. I can spend for that. I think I have enough room in my finances for that. I can and will use that during winter when I go out for a ride. It is good for my riding. I don't have to get pants for that, but that will come in handy in the future. For now, the jacket is more important.
How am I going to do that? Be tight in the coming days. Also, the poker business is helping out. I lost track of my intentions. It is only an opportunity to play well, nothing else.
I am trying to reach to this goal that is out there, not here and now. I realized that. I now am just playing well. Rather, choosing to play well right here, right now. That is all there is to it anyway.
Also, not to care if I lose a pot or not. Not caring about the outcome is playing well in the moment. Not having expectations is playing well in the moment. This is the game plan for me.
Whether it is going to work out or not, I do not care. At least I feel better when I am playing this business. That is the intention. This is the direction that I am doing.
I brought wife and kids to the lake pupuke park that I frequent. I love that park. There are plenty of birds in there. I wonder if wife finished the fish I had left over. I think she threw everything away, so there's no more fish.
Oh well. We can go there again in the near future. At least I spent time with them this time. I think wife is happy. But you see, that is conditional. Not judging, but merely pointing out and showing my observation.
Am I that way? When she is judging me, am I judging back? I think so. This is what is brought up in me. Am I going to be a better teacher this way? I have no plans on being a teacher. We teach by the clarity of our example.
Moving forward, I haven't done morning pages just yet today. I usually write when I have spare time. Right now, I am waiting for dinner to happen. Not that I am going to have a lot to eat. I am still full. I don't think I want to have a heavy dinner this time.
I am going to sit down, and have some coke while they eat. I am not really hungry. I am glad to be already on my way. I finish, rather take a break on my daughter's birthday. I would rather be finished by then.
Losing two kilos a week, I am going to be finished by then. So be it then. This is going to be the homestretch. I have been doing this for more than three or four years now. I keep reverting back. I see that. I am aware of that now. I am moving forward from here.
What is different this time? Simply, how I respond to the situation. What if the wife invites me to have lunch? Explain to her that I am going, rather choosing to finish this right now. I can accompany her, but I am not going to eat anything. If so, then we are not going to have lunch outs in the meantime.
Only for the next three months. After that, when I finish this, we can meet everyday if she wanted to. I am giong to be that person now. No need to walk the path. No need for the process to be. I am.
There's a difference there. It gets tough as you are in the process. But when you are in that state of being of I am, then everything else reflects that. This is what I am doing now. This is who I am.
I am writing on page three. Am I going to the library tomorrow? Only if wife wants to. I want to get that jacket tomorrow. How? I am going to the city in saturday morning. Then I get back soon enough. Or I can bring the car with the wife. If she wants to. But i'd rather ride the bike.
I haven't been to the city on bike. It will be interesting. It's a long ride. I will have crotch pain when I get back. Maybe I should have longer rest periods. I think wife is going to do grocery by herself this time around.
Is there a workaround here? What if I rode tomorrow instead? I leave soon as the kids leave for school. What time I get back? Two hours to get there, I get there before lunch. I need to be on the way back immediately when it finishes.
How will my butt handle the ride home? I am going to get crotch pain that way. Why not leave the bike with them? That is one option. There are other options.
I will sit on this and think about it. I will know what I need to know when I need to know it. If it is not there, then the answer could already be there, or I don't have to go.
How long will it take to cycle across new zealand? I'm not sure. I'd give myself six months. That's plenty of time already. If I were to do that, where am I going to get money to support myself?
I have thirty bucks coming in every week. I think that is more than enough.
Who is going to take care of the kids? That's the big question. Wife is going to need assistance with that. This is why I want to go alone on christmas. When else is there another long stretch of holiday? I don't know.
The christmas break looks like enough, but it's not really. I can only do one stretch... either the north island or the south. Why not break it down and make it two? I think that's possible as well.
I just want to go out and ride. But from where I am now, I am not doing much. Tomorrow, I will ride to the city. Rain or shine? Yes. What to eat? There is that meat I have cooking in the oven. I can have that. There is also eggs.
I think the meat is more than enough. I can save that for tomorrow's trip. That is more than enough for two meals. What about wife? She's not in the mood. Not my job to make her happy.
She got upset last night when I told her that we can't make it to the rotorua trip on august. Her friend invited us as they, the friend's church group was going and had one planned in august.
I was excited about it, but after thinking it over, I don't think we can make the trip. The first symptom for me was that to ride there and back, it is going to take a lot from me and I wouldn't be spending time with the family given the short period of time.
The second signal was that wife said that the family budget was short and we may have to tighten things up a bit. When I hear that, I go on stealth mode. I hardly buy anything for myself.
This morning, I splurged a bit. I went to the takapuna sunday flea market looking for a tool I need for my bike. It's an allen key to tighten the kickstand for my bike. The allen keys that I have are too small for the one needed.
I was able to find a set, selling for seven dollars. I only had four dollars on me. I decided that I can save up in the coming days and just come back. I let it go at that and started walking around.
Then I came upon a second stall. This guy was a regular to the flea market and sold used tools. I found several allen keys of different sizes. He said that each one sold for a dollar.
I thought it was too expensive.
Looking at his inventory, I also found a small screwdriver that I can use to tighten the screws on my shades. It also cost a dollar.
So the allen keys and the screwdriver together would cost three dollars. I thought it was a good enough deal and bought them. Now I think my tool bag is complete... for the moment.
I am sure I will find more tools and get them when the need arises. Right now, I have everything that I need. I went home. I had mapped out a route to the dairy flats, north of albany. I was thinking I could ride this later in the afternoon.
After gym, I went home, and felt that I did not have the motivation to ride anymore. Riding that 40km would be enough to make me sore tomorrow. That might mean me having to postpone the city ride on monday.
I'd rather do the city ride and miss the dairy flat ride. I decided to stay home. Not soon after, wife and kids were back. It seems she brought the kids to takapuna and spend some time in the beach. She bought them fish and chips for lunch.
Since they did not go swimming, the kids were naturally bored. They wanted to go home. That's why they were back so soon. I was thinking that they'd be away for a much longer period of time.
One of my daughters boguht a soda in can. She also wanted to create the soda can stove herself. I think it's good that she is interested in these things. I have good deposits with this one daughter. I think I have that in all my kids. Keep it up.
I try not to control them. I let them decide for themselves. Sometimes I do not agree, but I always trust that they will decide what's best for them. I just give examples on how to go about things. As they say, you teach by the quality of your example.
I seem to have sticky fingers as I write. The fingers are not so automatic this time. Am I doing yoga later? I can do that. I think I will have time for that.
I think I will. What about wife? She is going to be watching tv. I have like the starting symptoms for gout. This is why I am sticking with low carb this time. I have lost two kilos already in three days.
I think it ws the yogurt that stalled my progress. I see that now. Before, it was two kilos a week. Now it's faster than that. I am going to finish this sooner. I think this is synchronicity.
Everyithing is connected. I am losing weight faster now because I am that kind of person. I am bike and camp guy. The reflection and experience is showing that. The shift has been made. No need to make things happen.
When the shift occurs, everyithing happens easy.