Pages

sunday with the family

birthday cake


It was a pretty ok day. I did not do day one as planned. Sunday. I spent time with the family. We already know what they eat. I'll get right to it tomorrow. All of them are out tomorrow, school and office. It's going to be just me and the cat.

I am going to the gym tomorrow. I will do yoga later in the afternoon, after my nap. That's how my week goes. Since I am doing this straight, I am also going to do yoga on weekends, unless it was a long ride day and I get home late, then I will not be able to do yoga.

What to eat on long ride days? Eggs. Boiled eggs. This way, I don't have to spend on anything. I can eat two boiled eggs when I take a break. Where to go? I am not sure.

I was doing research on camping in new zealand. It seems that you can't just set up a tent anywhere. You can do stealth camping, but that's like cheating someone else. I think they are judging people based on past peformance. Not good. Anyway, synchronicity will lead me. I will know what to do when I am there.

Do I ride next week? I think it is high time that I bring the bike for a check up. I can leave early in the morning, then come back after lunch. Where am I going to hang out? The wife and kids can go to the city and we can meet there.

Also, I found that the rain jacket I want is easily within reach. I can spend for that. I think I have enough room in my finances for that. I can and will use that during winter when I go out for a ride. It is good for my riding. I don't have to get pants for that, but that will come in handy in the future. For now, the jacket is more important.

How am I going to do that? Be tight in the coming days. Also, the poker business is helping out. I lost track of my intentions. It is only an opportunity to play well, nothing else.

I am trying to reach to this goal that is out there, not here and now. I realized that. I now am just playing well. Rather, choosing to play well right here, right now. That is all there is to it anyway.

Also, not to care if I lose a pot or not. Not caring about the outcome is playing well in the moment. Not having expectations is playing well in the moment. This is the game plan for me.

Whether it is going to work out or not, I do not care. At least I feel better when I am playing this business. That is the intention. This is the direction that I am doing.

I brought wife and kids to the lake pupuke park that I frequent. I love that park. There are plenty of birds in there. I wonder if wife finished the fish I had left over. I think she threw everything away, so there's no more fish.

Oh well. We can go there again in the near future. At least I spent time with them this time. I think wife is happy. But you see, that is conditional. Not judging, but merely pointing out and showing my observation.

Am I that way? When she is judging me, am I judging back? I think so. This is what is brought up in me. Am I going to be a better teacher this way? I have no plans on being a teacher. We teach by the clarity of our example.

Moving forward, I haven't done morning pages just yet today. I usually write when I have spare time. Right now, I am waiting for dinner to happen. Not that I am going to have a lot to eat. I am still full. I don't think I want to have a heavy dinner this time.

I am going to sit down, and have some coke while they eat. I am not really hungry. I am glad to be already on my way. I finish, rather take a break on my daughter's birthday. I would rather be finished by then.

Losing two kilos a week, I am going to be finished by then. So be it then. This is going to be the homestretch. I have been doing this for more than three or four years now. I keep reverting back. I see that. I am aware of that now. I am moving forward from here.

What is different this time? Simply, how I respond to the situation. What if the wife invites me to have lunch? Explain to her that I am going, rather choosing to finish this right now. I can accompany her, but I am not going to eat anything. If so, then we are not going to have lunch outs in the meantime.

Only for the next three months. After that, when I finish this, we can meet everyday if she wanted to. I am giong to be that person now. No need to walk the path. No need for the process to be. I am.

There's a difference there. It gets tough as you are in the process. But when you are in that state of being of I am, then everything else reflects that. This is what I am doing now. This is who I am.

I am writing on page three. Am I going to the library tomorrow? Only if wife wants to. I want to get that jacket tomorrow. How? I am going to the city in saturday morning. Then I get back soon enough. Or I can bring the car with the wife. If she wants to. But i'd rather ride the bike.

I haven't been to the city on bike. It will be interesting. It's a long ride. I will have crotch pain when I get back. Maybe I should have longer rest periods. I think wife is going to do grocery by herself this time around.

Is there a workaround here? What if I rode tomorrow instead? I leave soon as the kids leave for school. What time I get back? Two hours to get there, I get there before lunch. I need to be on the way back immediately when it finishes.

How will my butt handle the ride home? I am going to get crotch pain that way. Why not leave the bike with them? That is one option. There are other options.

I will sit on this and think about it. I will know what I need to know when I need to know it. If it is not there, then the answer could already be there, or I don't have to go.