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a lot of "i don't likes"



I have a lot of resistance this morning. I see that I have a lot of I don't wants, and that I am focusing too much on them. It gets me out of the light. And now it's almost 11am and I haven't done much of the things I want to do. I put the family first and I resent that.

I want to have more time to do more of the things that I like doing. Like ride my bike, play poker. Words get in the way, but it's the vibration that I am after here. I just write. To let the flow through. This is what I am doing. It doesn't matter what I write, whether they make sense or not.

The intention here is the flow. Write words that don't match, it doesn't matter. Nobody is reading these anyway. This is part of the Synchronicity that is all around me. So I write. Not knowing how this will turn out. I just write. Rather, I just walk in this path. There is that attitude of what am I going to find on this path. I don't think that's expectation. It is more like being open to what is.

Have to write three pages. I just write one page. This gets the juices working. If I go beyond one page, then it is because it is interesting and that the flow is there. If I don't feel like writing, then one page is more than enough for me. This is the practice.

Most of the time, I write because I am not feeling good. This is more an outlet. When I am feeling good, I don't know if I am writing that much. But it has come to my attention that I do want to write and vent when I don't feel to be in the light.

So I write. I am also learning the ruby programming language. It caught my interest. I was walking down this path a year ago, found it too difficult back then and switched to python. I went as far as django, as far as I can go with python, then I lost interest. I wasn't doing what I wanted to do with it. I was hitting a wall. And I decided to stop.

This time with ruby, I understand what object oriented means. I have a better grasp of some of the concepts I couldn't understand with python. So there is a renewed interest in learning this new language.

I don't know how far this will take me, or what I can do with it. For now, it is enough for me to know that I am interested in it and that I want to learn more about it.