thursday cloudy

I am feeling so overwhelmed learning how to code. I feel like I am a late comer to the race and that everyone else is already halfway there.

I am going to take a one hour break when my eldest daughter gets home. When I feel like this, I get the message that it is time for me to
take a break. That I have been at this for some time now. In fact, I have been going at this for some time now. I woke up at six thirty,
and soon as I had free time, I was doing this already.

This is what i do day in and day out. instead of playing poker, i teach myself how to code. this gets exciting, but when i have been doing this for hours, it gets drab. it has been cloudy all day. it hasn't rained though. my daughter is learning how to borrow dvd's. it's one dollar day and she can borrow a dvd that she might want to watch. she can return them tomorrow. or before the weekend.

she's smart. i am proud of my kids. not that they are living the life i did not. i am happy for who they are. each one is different. i feel like i am tito rome. although i am not alcoholic or abusive to my family, i feel like i am not contributing, or pulling my own weight. but i am. i take care of the kids. i do housekeeping.

plus i am building a busines. this is for future cash flow when wife retires. but it is in the future. bring it here now. this is where everything is. i am going to post this to the blog. is there auto capitalize here? i think i can find a function like that. is there? i don't know, but if there is, this is going to be an awesome too for writing.

there are not a lot of things in here and i can write. but it is all from the inside. the flow will come. no need to direct the writing. it jsut cmoes. i am not comparing myself to others. i do tend to do that. but i am different. our paths are different. i think i can make this editor work like gedit at least.

there has to be like spell checker or something like capitalize. i can look that up after i finish these. i will post these to my blog after i am done here. one or three lines. no three lines at least, then i move to the next paragraph. from there. i think i will have a good enough blog post. three lines to a paragraph is good enough. like this one. two lines is ok. it is going to be a short paragraph.

is there autocorrect? i don't know. i think that one is possible. maybe someone has done something like that. it is possible. just give them a list and see where that one comes in. i think i can make one of those, if i wanted to. that is something that is also in the path. where is this going anyway?

i don't know. all i know is that it is interesting for me. no need to have expectations. just be open. all i know is that this is interesting for me. i can do ruby, but it's like not enough. nodejs plus coffeescript hits the spot just right. it is challenging enough and i am learning at the same time. i feel like i am learning something that's interesting and worthwhile.

so where do i got o next? just write. when the kids get here, i go out for a walk. wife gets home late today. i already had my nap. i can have late lunch later on. walk is good. it is a bit chilly outside. i don't get to write as often anymore. this gvim is a good text editor. i do all my writing with this.

i write for morning pages using these, then i use these again for programming and stuff. it is basic, but extensible. i can put in a lot of functions that i will use. not like word. this is like a personalized swiss army knife. it is compact enough but i cna put it to good use. i am aching to get done with tis.

inside out

Poker... I had a good run up today. This is variance. The winrate was sideways all of last week. Then it broke out of congestion. I see this when I trade the forex market. So how is this related? How can I use that when I play poker?

It has something to do with variance. All that time the winrate was sideways, I was on risk control. If I don't have a big hand, I don't want to make the pot big—folding often. While I am doing this, I am always buying the pot at a discount. This gives the impression that I am aggressive and bluffing at pots all the time, almost.

Other players might think that I often play loose and not care. That I am fish. This is why everyone IS fish. There are no particular player who is fish. Someone you do not know is fish. Specially if you win a big pot from them.

But looking at the big picture, they too are going through their own process. The key to making good is that you play well. It doesn't matter that you lose the pot. What is important is that you do not lose your stack.

This is also why you need to have a big stack when playing. It is seldom, rather, it doesn't happen all the time that you have a big hand and villain wants to make the pot big with you. But when the planets are lined up, you will want to have a big pot with you. This more than makes up for those times when variance is on the low tide. When the tide do comes in, you want a big net to catch as many fish as you can.

I have been home all day. Next week, i'd like to spend time for myself. This is not how I want to spend my weekend. I'd rather be riding outside. This is how I see myself doing. It's already dark. I can go out and go for a walk after dinner. They are going to go on skype with mother in law. I'd rather do something else.

I can set up skype for them and get that ready. When they do start talking, I can do something else. What about tomorrow morning? Why not ride out tomorrow? They are going to church anyway. I can go back and do something when they are back.

Like I can ride to devonport. It doesn't have to be a sprint training. Just get out there and enjoy the ride. Wife is going to be at home when they get back from church. I can go to the gym after breakfast. That'd be nice. By the time I get home, it's lunch time. She leaves some time around four or six.

I think I can make good time riding tomorrow. What else is there for me to do? I can go to takapuna and enjoy the flea market. There's so much to see there. I enjoy going there. I can leave the bike some place there. I can ride the bike tonight, but it'd be cool just to walk under the moon. I think we are getting the full moon tonight.