8.13am wednesday

Three pages. I woke up with an insight this morning. That I am setting up conditions to how I feel instead of me choosing despite the reflection that I experience. Again, I am putting the cart before the horse (if that's the right expression).

So how to deal with this? Next time I find myself out of the light, I take a look at my definitions. Right now, I woke up with anxiety whether the ea worked or if I got losing trades again. The anxiety is that bad things are going to happen. That I am responding to something that's happened in the past... that I do not want this happening... that things will NEVER go my way... stuff like that.

I don't have to wrestle with these issues. All I have to do is, when I get the emotion or the anxiety, I realize that I am out of the light, see the definitions, and just let go. As bashar would say, “SO WHAT?”

so what if I get losing trades. It's ok. I am still one aspect of creation. This is part of the process. Nothing wrong with that. See it, then move on. What else? The washing machine has finished washing. I can change over to dvorak, but the vim keybindings are not dvorak. Plus I will have to make changes to the vimperator stuff and all that. I might have to switch over to chrome.

Chrome is ok, but it's not like firefox. Right now, the youtube plugin in chrome doesn't work. Can't watch videos in chrome. My daughter uses firefox because of that. I think firefox backroom is more responsive to this. The thing with firefox right now is that the screen capture widgets do not work. None of them does.

I wonder how I can fix this? I may have to move over to chrome to use that functionality. Worse, I might have to restart into windows to get that screenshot. And I am unable to work with blogs because of that. What to do?

I can try chrome later and see how things go from there. The issue with chrome is that vimium doesn't work like vimperator. I can do workarounds, but I don't want to go there.

Today is a national holiday. No school, no work for them. The whole family is at home. I don't know what to do with the gamer child. I think I should trust the synchronicity. She is acting on her excitement. I will allow that. I will do my best, then go into the light.

I did not catch the entry for the ej long. It's going to come back soon or late. Let's be patient and not do anything. That's what the ea is for. Do I need a server for that? I can leave the p2 pc to run this ea for me. That way, I don't have to shut down the server. It can run forever.

I can do that, but it's going to be a second thing running in this house. How else can I do that?

I can install that on the laptop. But this main pc, the linuxmint pc is running most of the time. I can simply run mt4 in the background. Besides, the trades do not happen all the time. It's just that one situation when price touches the moving average that the ea is for. Soon as the position is open, the pending order is for stoploss. There is no take profits order. I am going to let this trade run for as long as it wants until it tells me when to close the trade.

And where wil that be? On the reverse hook off the red moving average. I think that is enough leeway for the trade. There is a lot of room for the trend to unfold without having to be anxious to close the trade. Again, there is that anxiety there.

I am thinking of riding into albany. I used to enjoy that. I can ride the bike today. As long as I take my meds religiously. What does that mean for an aetheist? I don't know. What is it for an aetheist's point of view then?

I don't know right now, but that is an issue, rather an opportunit there. I am spelling opportunity differently now. Why is that? It is just there. Just write and see what happens on the other side.

I am quite comfortable with the new ea. I think I can sit here and just see what happens. Just run the program in the background and see what happens. I can grow the account from there.

It doesn't matter what people in the forum say. It is their experience. Everyone has a different definition of reality. For me, all things are possible. Bad things can happen, margin calls and all that. The other side of the coin is, good things can happen as well. I can make good money trading.

How to do that? I don't have to force things to happen for me. All I need to do is to be in that light. The reflection will be in my experience. No need to push it. If it doesn't happen? So be it. There is part of the process.

I can go to red beach. I've been there before I just forgot where that is. It is going to be a bit cloudy today. Do I post this on the internet? Civ 4 is kinda boring. It's basically the same game. They just souped it up a bit from the previous version. They also added multi player function.

I think I have programming down pat for ruby. The issue is that I don't see a need to reinvent the wheel. I was thinking of automating my trading with it. So far, mt4 works for me. I have an ea that let's me trade automatically. If push comes to shove, I can make something with it. Right now, I don't have to. It's the api that gets me.

Why don't they make it easier? Because I am not making it easier for myself. How to do that then? I don't know yet. If it's the right timing, then everything will reveal itself. All I need to do is to trust the timing.

We had kfc dinner last night. I was supposed to go day one yesterday. So be it. I learned something new when I woke up this morning because of what happened last night. That was the reward I got. The motivation is correct. So how do I get in the light with this? I just did. I am in the light. I am writing mroning pages. I am writing so much faster even if I do not lok at the keyboard. Sometimes looking at the keyboard messes things up.

I can simply write and edit later. That is how I write when I write copy I just need to let the flow come through my fingers and let them do the typing. It's like the ego is not really needed here. It will be used for later, but not when the creative process is at hand.

So how does that work with my tading bsuiness? When the ea is running, there is no need for me to be there. It will happne. I can always check how things are going later on. That's where the ego comes in. I can choose weher to close the trade. The little boy is wawak. He is first to wake up.

I see the eror there in typing. That's one thing I can correct later on. I would like to get lost in the city. I can just ride the bike all around in the side streets and all that. How to do that?

I will get there. All I need to do is experience that in my head. Get the feeling. What would it feel like. How would it feel like to ride around in the city. I don't have to figure out how to get from a to c. all I need to do is to be in c in my head. No need to respond to what is. What is is just an illusion?

What is is from definiton. What is can be redefined according to what I like. I don't have to respond to what is based on the conditions that I have. Like my trading. I can choose to feel like a trade well person. No need to respond as a not trade well person. I know how to trade well. I can respond as a trade well person.

I see the point there. Then I will move on from there. This is my business. This is where the opportunity is. If my ninong from bats were to find this opportunity, I think he would have jumped on it as well. What is the opportunity?

I can run this business on remote control. The ea is there. The management side is looking at how the ea works. That's the business part of it. I can easily scale up or down with the bankroll that I have. This is not possible with poker. The higher up the ladder I go with poker, the better the players.

In trading, the players are all the same. I am not playing against them. I am playing with them. If I played against them, then I am trading counter trend. This method is trend following. I can run this business even if I am outside of the house and that's what makes it good.

What other things am I not seeing there? Nothing. I will learn what I need to learn or know, when I need to know it. Right now, if I don't know it, then I don't need it. I have everything. All is well.

This is where I am. I am happy with this.