astral gemma estrada
I'm done with my morning chores. Son isn't going to school today. I woke up from a dream about gemma estrada. She was someone from my past-now. I still wonder what happened there. I let her go.
Now what. There is regret. How do you deal with that? Things happen for a reason. How does this memory serve me? Is it something I want or need to redefine? I feel like things are not happening—or that the reflection I get is not in alignment. How do you fix that?
Is there a hack for this? What if there isn't? Then I will live with it and just be ok with it. I may not know what it means, but yes I do. How come I don't get what I want most? How come the higher self knows, but local self will only find out in hindsight?
How is this connected to the expectation? I have kids. I could have kids with her too. Sometimes I see the society I grew up in and wonder how that serves me. It would still serve me, and I feeling better about it, if I got what I wanted. How is that possible?
Things turned out well overall, but in the end, I fell like it fell apart. What wal wrong there?it wasn't going to last forever. I should have let go long before it fell apart. Was it something that excited me? It was interesting. I was in the light. Maybe...i still don't get it really.
I like how this letter char I looks like. It is a popular font. I see it all the time. But maybe it's because it is in my config files. So be it then. Only that I write. It's a friday. I woke up thinking ti was a saturday. But it istomorrow. Wife is goitg to work tomorrow. I fell asleep immediately last night.
There was no sex this time as wife has her periiod. I don't really need it, but the intimacy is great. Maybe this is what it's all about.
Why not get what you want? Maybe there is somethig there. The reason that you don't know what you want or that it's not good for you doesn't cut it for me.
I think it's because it's the conditions that you have. You think, rather I have this idea that if I got what I wanted, then I would be happy. That if I got what I wanted, I would be in the light.
This is here to show me that it is the other way around. That I can be happy without getting what I want. That if I were to just be in the light, then I will get something else that is greater than what I originally wanted. Ith is a reflection.
I think that's the lesson there. That if I wanted something, I match that vibration. Even if I don't get that, I have already that vibration and that I don't need it anymore. It as an ivnvitation to be in the light. That you do not have to have the physical to get to being.
I could have learned that in the physical? Not really. You'd be after the physical, the outer illusion rather than being on the inside. I think that is how it is.
Where di d that comef rom? This is what writing is about. I was able to connect tehre. It doesn't come from me. If you have that idea, then it is a limited resource. But if you were to connect to all that is and not be from just you, then you have all of creatio to source from.
This is what to me is what open source is about. It's not about mine or yours. It is all connected. Be that way and it will be that way. No need to change what is on the outside. Only that you be without conditinos. Thisi s what my writing is about. No need ta make it fancy. Just write and get to the other side.
North korea is so clean. Is it a better society? I think it has to do with the fact that—i just went around in circles there. Rather than getting to the point. Now I lost what I was about to say.
I dreamed that I left my wife for gemma. What does that mean? That I went, that I chose to be in the light no mattter what. I did not have sex with her because that was in the outer world. That was in the illusion, the reflection.
What if I chose to be in the light? How do yo udo that in your dream? You wanted to have something on the outside. But it's inmy dream. In tehre, there is no outside.
How do you have sex with someone in your dream? I get to that sexy parts, but nothing happens. I wake up. Or maybe I think that nothing happened. The local mind can't get what is happening on that level.