playing with contrast

There are days when I have good listening on soundcloud. Other times, I tend to listen to something else. And when those other times are here, I can't find a station that works. What's happening here?

Just be open. The feeling doesn't sit well. Like I can't pinpoint what I want. I have so much negative energy to work with, process. I have issues with the wife. I wonder why this is so. Her choices should not affect me. What definitions are there? That I should have control? Perhaps.

Perhaps is one word I am adding to my writing. I tend to use maybe more often. I will make changes now. So you will find myself editing while I write just so I can make a habit of using perhaps in my writing.

I came across this word while watching about time. I liked it and cried the first time I saw it. I decided to see it again with wife and daughter, and it lost its magic. That's part of it. Just let it go.

The dream before I woke up was kinda negative. I was back in ortigas center, or what felt like it and I was upset with my partner's decisions. Why is that? Was it even her that I was with? It was a female energy, I think. Am I doubting myself here? You know what you need to know when you need to know it.

I don't listen much to pandora these days. The music tends to repeat itself. It's not what I prefer. So I do something else these days. There is 8track, there is jango. There is also grooveshark. But if I went there, I would rather listen to youtube.

Anyway, I am on soundcloud now. It's... I decided to go to tubalr. I want something that works like pandora, but is based on community upvotes. I can do a search using those keywords. But where do you find one? I think it's out there. Just go look for it, rather match that frequency.

Am I not happy here? What are my choices here? At least now I know that rotorua is not a place I want to move to. Go up north and move to a beach place. Waikato I think is something you might want to consider. I want a warm place and is close to the beach. Or I can start my own business and grow things from there.

What else can I do that is my own business? Writing. And not like those desperate marketers. Just do it because it's interesting and I enjoy doing it. Now back at pandora. Tubalr did not have anything there that I enjoy listening to.

Maybe youtube should have a radio streaming where you can listen to music and leave it at that. It should be easy for them. I think I can do a lookup on that in reddit. I think I had that before. It did not work and I was not able to bookmark it. And now I am looking for something else.

I don't think you need hosts for internet radios. I enjoy listening to music. There doesn't have to be. I am restless now. They just picked up the trash. It was late this time because of the new year celebration. I can get a job, but it's not that interesting for me. I trust synchronicity. There is reflection, but this is only contrast. I trust in my higher self. That is the path I take.

Forecast is rain in the coming days. At least the weather is going to be cooler. I can do yoga later in the day. I start this. Wife is going back to work on monday. Week after that, she starts work in auckland. At least she'll be away during the day. This will give me more time for myself.

She has issues she don't want to let go. She puts other people first. I don't like that. If I don't like something, I let go. No need to spend time dwelling on it. The sooner I let go, the sooner something else can fill in that gap. I don't thing she gets it. She is of a different mind set. But I don't have to fight that. I allow her that space. I can do something else instead.

Writing about it is that something else that I can do. There are other things I can do if I wanted, but this is not it. She's up now and about to do her workout. I thought having sex will fix things. It did not.

I took sides with my daughter. I think wife's decision is not important to me anymore. My fingers feel like there's something pain in it. That's not the right grammar, but I write. No one has to read these.

There is a pain in the joints. That is not good. What to do about it? Drink pepsi. Maybe that's the one that is causing all that pain. Do something else. Like what? I don't know yet. This is the second song that is a repeat in pandora. Why is it that way?