see the light

I am overwhelming myself again. There is so much information that sometimes, it's like jamming my system short-circuiting everything. The way to undo that is to take a break. I think I got up before six. There was sex last night. I did not feel like it, but she has such great legs that I can't choose otherwise.

It's raining today. I feel like whenever I leave my bike outside, it'll rain. It's like a rain magnet. The kids are, surprisingly, still sleeping. Even kyla, who is always the first one to get up to play raiderz, is still in bed. Maybe they think that their mom is still at home?

I don't know. I can't take that away from them. Even I as a kid wanted a family. But divorce is so common these days. Back in my day, it's not common to find broken families. I guess this is a redefine. It's not that your family is the father and mother that you were born to. Your family is the community you choose. I think the right, better word is resonate with, not choose.

You resonate a certain vibration. Those that you attract unto you is your family, whether you are aware of it or not. If it's not what you prefer, see the big picture. Things happen for a reason. The effect you get out of it depends on the definition that you put into it. I listen too much to bashar? no. it's inside of me. I have shifted into that vibration. I think it's good. The things I picked up help deepen the tools in my toolbox. I don't have to teach anyone. They learn what they need to learn whether I am there with them or not.

Them, meaning family, not just them, but anyone else hat is attracted into my life. I don't teach anyone. If they pick up something from me, then they learned it themselves. No one really teaches anything to anyone. They show by example. If others learn from it, so be it. If not, then it's not in their light. They are of a different vibration.

This is how I see things. Sometimes I put my expectations into it. That causes confusion. It also causes pain. I try to, rather, I leave expectations out of it when I see myself there. This is my process. This is my path. I have done deep out of religion. That only causes distraction. It's not the truth. All of them are truths. You only go with whatever works for you. Religion doesn't work for me anymore. I can see through the veil.

It's like god is your creation. Rather, god is someone else's creation imposed unto you starting from a very early age. They give you rewards and gifts when you are young. They then replace it with something else—servitude, soon as you start to mature and learn to think for yourself.

A lot of people can't, don't get that. They cling on to faith thinking that there is nothing else out there. But a lot more are ...get the idea that something is missing. There is a disconnect somewhere.

Some dig in deeper into it. What makes it work is that there really is nothing out there but their own creation. Even after they die, they go through the process of 'going to heaven or hell.' soon as they have that, then they find out the true nature of everything.

And what is it? Everything is just energy. There is no old man with a white beard whom you are going to spend an eternity with. It's just man's creation. What happens is that you go back to the realization that you are all that is. You are a perspective, a point of view of all that is. There is no separation.

And what would it be like to be all that is? I don't have a definition of that. Not that I am aware of. I think it's there inside, but the local mind can't get a grasp of it completely.

And I let it go at what. I don't have to understand it. All I need is that it's there for me. I get more when I need it. If not, then I don't need it. This is what gets me in the light. Is this something I can work with. I have issues. Mostly it's money. But most of the time, it's me trying to make the wife happy.

But then again, her unhappiness is my reflection. How to change that? Use up the energy. See te contrast and find what's in it for me. That way, I can move forward from here.

Do I need those tutorials? I have a good book. I can work with that. Will I finish this? How far can I go with it? I don't know yet. All I know is that I enjoy working with the creative side. It quiets the mind. I connect with the flow. And when I get there, time flies. No need to do something else. This writing sometimes flows out.

I am done writing now.

bike later noon

I am done with some stuff, it's time to write. I was going to do unity this morning. Since wife asked me to drive her to work, I chose not to do unity. I can do that later. And it was part of the process. I realized that my business was to provide assets to these gold rush people in the gaming world. Limiting myself to just one game engine might not be good. Blender is the way to go then.

Besides, everything is lined up for blender. It's pointing downstrem. Either the interest factor, or point downstream...these two are my criteria to determine which way to go next.

Right now, I have both unity and blenedr on my pc. Both have plenty of resources for learning. What made me pick blender is that it runs faster on my arch pc. I have unity on windows, but when it's running and I am learning how to use it, it's way much slow. It runs better on the laptop. The thing is, my daughter is always using the laptop. She plays her online games in there. It's her thing.

I don't think there's anything bad about it other than how I define things. It's not her fault that she feels bad when not being able to play. She goes into the zone when she plays that game. I know how it feels. Wife sometimes want to get attention and when you are deep in the zone, it's a shock. And she expects you to be there when she's around. What she doesn't get is that she gets to be in her zone while at work and we don't get to disturb her.

But that's not here. I bring it up so I can redefine things. It's going to be bright and sunny today. I will go out for a ride later on. I think I have some books in the library. That'll be a fun ride. Do it around lunch time so there'd be nice ladies in the beach.

I am making lunch now. I will have intermittent fasting this morning then. It has been twelve hours since I last ate. Having late breakfast, or early lunch is suffice enough to go into IF.

That's part of the keto project. It's an easy way to get into woosh. And how to get that business going? It is already on. Digital something company. I think that's a good name for the biz. Or location product company. I think that's also good. This is why I don't have to get a url for that. I don't think that will be good. There's enough on the blogspot that gets on front page. No need to get url. In the long run, it don't really help. And I think that lady who's into blogging in wordpress is not that into the business idea. It's supposed to be automated. Like if you were to take off for a year, it's still going to make money.

And that's why providing for the gold rush is a better business model than joining that rush. I wonder what happened to levi's. It's a fad thing. Khaki is classic. I would rather wear dockers than jeans. I used to have good khakis back in college. I loved wearing them to bits.

I forgot what the brand was, but when I find good khakis, I get them. Not those baggy types. I don't like those. It's like what grandparents wear. I like those that look good when your shirt is tucked into them. Anyway, I am headed back in that direction. I feel like in this country, I am on temp. like I want to go back to manila. I think moving to the city will fix that.

It's just the crowd I miss. Going to queens road every now and then I get that fix. What else to do today? I can test that thing on the internet. I think that app connects is some way. Closing the port for http servers will block the websites. You don't want that.

Maybe it's something else. I think I will know what it is if I did a search for it. I don't want a job. I want a business. I am in business.

Right now, the business is just me. That will change when it becomes relevant. Right now, my process only needs me. This way, after things have grown, it'll be fun to look back. The kids are still in bed. They don't get up until later. They don't want to go to church.

I think when the oven is the problem, then you go out and turn off the main switch outside. It's the power that will turn off the heat. I just learned that on the internet. And that is the great equalizer. Information is that thing. The internet is a tool to gather information.

What happens next? Application. How do I do that? I don't know yet. I am getting all these information on how to do things. I get there when I get there. One more paragraph and I am done here.

This is the last. I had to enter enter to get here. This is a two liner to get things done.

back on days

I am listening to the jazz genre, but there's hiphop mashup in it. Why? Maybe that is a variant of jazz? I feel like I would rather learn blender first, than do unity3d. I feel like if I get blender, unity and udk will follow. I'm not sure, but I think blender is better than both, only that it runs on python for scripting.

I have much to learn about it. Only get to the other side and see what happens. Everynoe here is watching that thor movie. Like, if these be gods, then why are they behaving like humans? Others will say that it's fiction. But that is how their god is behaving.

Arguing with die hards is like playing chess with a pigeon. You know the story. Anyway... I like that song. It grew on me. I don't feel like reading blender for dummies. I would rather do an exercise creating something. That way, I will learn more about the interface.

I can create a site for it, but that's going to add to the complexity. There is so much on my todo list. There is also everyday drawing. And something else. I think I like this jazz genre on soundcloud.

I've just shared this on facebook. I also added this to my playlist and liked music. At least there's going to be variety in there. And what else is there for me? I think you can create mozies like these on blender. Do you need actors for that? Maybe. Or to make it easy, create animations all the way.

It's something that I am looking into. I am also learning python. It's not separate. It's all a part of the big picture. It's all connected. It's not this or that. It's this and that.

And I have not written morning pages in a long time. I bought myself a sixb pencil. I am getting back to sketching. There is urban sketching. There is also just me sketching things that catch my attention.

I can do that for an hour a day. I can go sit somewhere and start drawing. That place by the beach is a great place to do that. It'd be great if there was music for me. But this is the way. No need if it's not tehre. The kids are still watching this movie do I watch something else? I can do that tomorrow.

Do I need to do something else? I want to continue with c++. right now, I am facing a blank wall. What to do about it? Give it time off. It will come back to you. Or maybe I can do some other thing about programming. Like python network programming.

That will be nice. It's part of the process as well. Kids goitg to bed. I gotta get back to this to finish writing. I don't like that series. Thor. It's kinda shallow. And there's drawing. I gotta go to office max tomorrow. Who is that guy? I think he's supposed to be a new marvel dude or something.

What else is there for us? I don't know yet. Get to the other side and see where this leads to. That's the attitude. I had a long day riding. I forgat that thing I was supposed to deliver and had to go back for it and get that done. It's good. I saw that I was able to finish the ride.

I also learned that I got to that wall, I think. I had this feeling that I couldn't go on. It's the brain running out of glycogen. Why is the jazz genre have this kind of music? Anyway.

That I can move it forward to the next song. The kids are going to bed now. I don't feel sleepy yet. I had an hour nap this afternoon. When I got up, it felt like I did not get any sleep. But I did. Taht's how much sleep I got.

So now this morning page is back in the thread. What to do next? I get up tomorrow morning and this is the first thing I do. Get back to that routine. Or at least start writing again.

Sometimes I feel like I am all over the place. I am not concentrating on anything. But since it's here, then this is part of the process. This is something I need to do and be. So be it then. And what can we make out of this?

I don't know yet. I try not to have expectations about it. And what are these things they show on csi? It's the thing they show. Do I do something else? I am watching this instead.

College girls are so hot. But they are shallow. I prefer my women to be a bit more mature. I awant someone to talk to. Young women there are exceptions here and there. I think I got on the wrong ones early on.