see the light

I am overwhelming myself again. There is so much information that sometimes, it's like jamming my system short-circuiting everything. The way to undo that is to take a break. I think I got up before six. There was sex last night. I did not feel like it, but she has such great legs that I can't choose otherwise.

It's raining today. I feel like whenever I leave my bike outside, it'll rain. It's like a rain magnet. The kids are, surprisingly, still sleeping. Even kyla, who is always the first one to get up to play raiderz, is still in bed. Maybe they think that their mom is still at home?

I don't know. I can't take that away from them. Even I as a kid wanted a family. But divorce is so common these days. Back in my day, it's not common to find broken families. I guess this is a redefine. It's not that your family is the father and mother that you were born to. Your family is the community you choose. I think the right, better word is resonate with, not choose.

You resonate a certain vibration. Those that you attract unto you is your family, whether you are aware of it or not. If it's not what you prefer, see the big picture. Things happen for a reason. The effect you get out of it depends on the definition that you put into it. I listen too much to bashar? no. it's inside of me. I have shifted into that vibration. I think it's good. The things I picked up help deepen the tools in my toolbox. I don't have to teach anyone. They learn what they need to learn whether I am there with them or not.

Them, meaning family, not just them, but anyone else hat is attracted into my life. I don't teach anyone. If they pick up something from me, then they learned it themselves. No one really teaches anything to anyone. They show by example. If others learn from it, so be it. If not, then it's not in their light. They are of a different vibration.

This is how I see things. Sometimes I put my expectations into it. That causes confusion. It also causes pain. I try to, rather, I leave expectations out of it when I see myself there. This is my process. This is my path. I have done deep out of religion. That only causes distraction. It's not the truth. All of them are truths. You only go with whatever works for you. Religion doesn't work for me anymore. I can see through the veil.

It's like god is your creation. Rather, god is someone else's creation imposed unto you starting from a very early age. They give you rewards and gifts when you are young. They then replace it with something else—servitude, soon as you start to mature and learn to think for yourself.

A lot of people can't, don't get that. They cling on to faith thinking that there is nothing else out there. But a lot more are ...get the idea that something is missing. There is a disconnect somewhere.

Some dig in deeper into it. What makes it work is that there really is nothing out there but their own creation. Even after they die, they go through the process of 'going to heaven or hell.' soon as they have that, then they find out the true nature of everything.

And what is it? Everything is just energy. There is no old man with a white beard whom you are going to spend an eternity with. It's just man's creation. What happens is that you go back to the realization that you are all that is. You are a perspective, a point of view of all that is. There is no separation.

And what would it be like to be all that is? I don't have a definition of that. Not that I am aware of. I think it's there inside, but the local mind can't get a grasp of it completely.

And I let it go at what. I don't have to understand it. All I need is that it's there for me. I get more when I need it. If not, then I don't need it. This is what gets me in the light. Is this something I can work with. I have issues. Mostly it's money. But most of the time, it's me trying to make the wife happy.

But then again, her unhappiness is my reflection. How to change that? Use up the energy. See te contrast and find what's in it for me. That way, I can move forward from here.

Do I need those tutorials? I have a good book. I can work with that. Will I finish this? How far can I go with it? I don't know yet. All I know is that I enjoy working with the creative side. It quiets the mind. I connect with the flow. And when I get there, time flies. No need to do something else. This writing sometimes flows out.

I am done writing now.