all the while

I feel deflated...compressing(instead of depressed). I can choose to call it depression, but as my friend said, what you put out is what you get back. Label it as a negative and you get a negative effect out of it. Label it as something that you can use and you make it into something that you can use.

Of course there's nothing wrong with putting a negative label on it. As long as you are aware of the definitions and the emotions that bring forth the manifestations/reflections, then you can do whatever you want.

How did I get here? First it was the aunt passing away. A few days later, a friend is gone too. Then another. It's like I haven't in touch with them in a long time and I am ok with it. Like they have already gone from my life for quite a while now. How come a change in the definition affects me so much? It probably has something to do with my definitions. Or are they really the reason why I feel this way?

What's the worst thing that can happen here? I don't know. Wife gets angry with me and doesn't talk to me anymore. But this is what we have right now. We took the way of the internet as we do not have cable anymore. There should be funds for that. It's like putting two bills together and you get something better—streaming video. How come she complains about the cost when she is able to save so much more? You see where this is headed? It's not my baggage. This is why it's heavy. This is not mine. If it were, then I would have made changes to how we spend money around here. But I don't have a say on that. She doesn't take my opinions seriously.

At least she was able to close one credit card. But it's my credit card. I don't think she had a right to close it. She was the one who used it. It's only fair that she pay for it. But now I don't have access to my credit. This is synchronicity. The universe is telling me to go this way. And so I will.

I don't knowhow things will turn out. All I know is that it's interesting. It's pointing downstream. This is where I am going. Downstream studio. That's a good name there. I can put that in my dictionary. I am looking for a business name. I will take note of that. And I continue to write.

It's not that I can't finish what I started. There's so many interesting things to do around here. I can go on with that. There's a lot more other things as well. Only do this and see what happens.

I will do yoga when I finish this. I had coffee a while ago and I can still feel it in my stomach. Do I prefer to write? Only because it's my own writing. I can do that thing with the digital arnts studio. It's not really what the business will do. It's more lie a shell company. And then we take things from there.

And where is this going? I don't know yet. Only that I follow that path of interest. And it doesn't have to make sense. It only has to be interesting. The clouds are starting to roll in. is it going to rain?

I do yoga, then have lunch, then pick up my son. At sometime around five or before six, I go out ride my bike for the evening class. And where is this headed? I think we take on a new module today. What's for dinner? I don't know yet.

Wife is in plenty of meetings. She is busy with her new work. I haven't been to the city since she started work there. It's all up to me. I don't make that a decision or choice to go to the city. If I did, then I would have found myself there.

Then it's not in my path. I tend to do waiting a lot for the wife. I don't like that. I would rather do something else. And now I have time but I am not doing that. Should I turn on deluge?

I don't have to. I leave that on overnight. I think that's more than enough sharing there. They get what they need someplace else anyway. Even if I were to set it to unlimited, it still don't go up that much. I think deluge is a better torrent client. I like it. I will stick with it for now.

It's kinda fast too. It has enough features in it that make it useful. If I need more, I can install a plugin for it. Vuze has more features baked into it. The problem with that is that it's slower. I can go there, but since it's java, I choose something else. I don't get java. If I wanted it, I would choose c# instead. But that's just me. I could change my mind about it. If it turns out to be interesting enough, then I go there.