moving on now

I just spent the whole morning on okcupid.

Is that good or bad? Now I write about it. I think it's nothing, neither good or bad. It's just me looking to connect to people. If something comes out of it, again, it is going to be neither good or bad. It is something that is part of the big picture.

Things are different now. I realized the other night when I overheard my wife that I have been carrying her baggage all along. She has all these fears in her and projects them into experience. Then she complains about them, and I choose to take them seriously.

I see what I have been holding all this time. It is time to choose. Be happy and let go, or not be in the light. Choosing to not be in the light and knowing so is also in the light. In the end, it doesn't really matter which one you choose. All is one. Everything is one.

So I go to okcupid once a day. It is now part of my process? I think so. I am listening to soundclodu. Sometimes they have something good. Other times there is nothing there for me.

Daughter was asking me about muscles that gets stretched when you do a certain pose. She is into fitness. She is pretty. I see her smile and it makes me feel good. That's how beautiful she is. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. I learned how to see this.

I am not a preacher. I just note what I experience. People choose to read about other people's experience than to hear from a guru or preacher, worse from teachers. You really can't teach anything to anyone anyway. I learned that and that's my definition now.

Kids taught me that. I think our marriage has come to an end. There's no need to prolong the agony. Unless you want it to be a part of your process, prolonging the agony. Maybe there is something to gain there. But would it not be better to be in the light instead? By that I mean go after something that you like. If you don't like it, don't do it. Everything expands from that decision. Experience you have from that decision.

That is what I have seen. This is what I gainedrom the experience. And now I know. I et go. No need to hang on to it. There is here. I know I am supported. No need to refute that. I can't explain that to her. She has to come to the light to be able to see. If not, she will never get what I mean.

What about the kids?

I can spend time with them still. They will understand. This is common now. They know the benefits. I can't bring them with me to the new partner. That means I will need to move in my own home. How to get that? Follow the light. Be in the light. That will expand and be part of my experience. Everything is connected.

What about alimony? I do that after we get the divorce. For now, it is time to part ways. She is not happy with me. She is not happy with herself. I wonder how she got there? I don't know. Maybe in those times, she made a pact with her god. That if she got through that phase, she will commit to loyalty. Then I am no longer part of that equation. She doesn't see her power in that process. She puts it out of herself.

There is nothing out there. And now it is no longer mine. Time for me to move on. This is the decision that I have, choose. I don't have to force this on anyone. I show. Do not listen to what they say, look at what they do.

Is there a better way to say that? I think there are ways to the other side. Is this what I want to listen to? I think so. I can check out the electronica later. And then check something else. I think pandora is good in that you can shuffle them.

I can go there now. But this serves me now. So I listen nto it. I can find something else here. This is open source. This is part of my definition. Do I have to learn mono? I can go there. It is not the end product. It is the big picture that you gain after you go thorough that process. I am stuffed. I had carbs today. It is time to move on.

Marriage is like that. Carbs no longer work for me. I like keto better and it works for me. It is time to move on. After having carbs, it felt good for a while, but then you spend more hours on detox and downward spirals. I think I can go from here.

Do I have to notify her? Next time we have a spat I can tell her. Where do I go?