later update page

I have issues with expectation. What if there was a “curse” that you will never have anything/everything that you want. That will be an interesting story. How will that be so? Like a witch's curse? Or maybe someone you offended as a boy and the idea just stuck to your head growing up and that you believed it.

And from then on, growing up, this person gets so frustrated because he is always trying so hard, giving it one hundred percent and not getting it. In the end, he gives up. He appears to be there and do the effort, but there is no passion there. He becomes not to care anymore. He loses interest in life. He goes into depression.

And that's where he finds the answer. There is nothing out there really. And that the definition on depression is what changed everything. People were thinking he was a loser and left him alone. And that's how the depression deepened. He spent his time alone. He was out in the woods. He was homeless except for his bike. He would ride everywhere and camp.

And he was having a grand time doing so. And he discovered what synchronicity meant. Things happened and fell into place for him. Those things that he thought he wanted before and did not get, they sort of found their way to him this time. And they were so much better than what he wanted before.

He had a better bike. Then he got himself a business on the internet and it was making him feel accomplished. It wasn't making any money like most dotcoms were expected to, but he was pleased with what he was doing. Doors started to open up. He met different people. He started working with them on different projects.

This time though, he did not expect anything in return. There were no goals or plans. He simply showed up because it was interesting to him. He spent hours working on the projects because it fascinated him. He would talk about these projects to anyone who cared to listen. Listen or not, he did not care. He was just so animated about it. And people did listen. And they gave input, their ideas added into the mix. And it settled and stewed in his subconscious.

One morning he woke up and had an insight. He would make/create a ___. I don't know what it is, but it's a path that suddenly opened up that he thought wasn't there before. And since this path was not something that he's been to before and he was open to the unexplored, he went down this path.

There was still that spectre that he was cursed to never get anything that he wanted, and it was all ok with that. He never had any expectations about anything. When he found himself with …

lost my train of thought there as son was asking me about something. That was an idea I got to write about before I left to pick up the kids from school. My daughter was there too. She had half day school today. Instead of going home, she went with her friends to visit their old school.

In my youth, I wouldn't go like that without first asking permission the night before. My kids, as long as they think it's good with them, they don't have to ask my permision. I don't know what's good for them. I can only guide them but my opinion is mostly for myself. They don't have to do what I say, even if I insist so.

It's different with their mother. She is in the old world. It works for her. I leave her at that. She will find what she needs, her path, by the frequency that she projects. Not all my trades are going to be homeruns.

Because of this, I let go of expectations. I trade because this is my business. Mriam has lung cancer. Does she smoke? Is that why she is gungho on being in the limelight? I don't know. It saddens me. I voted for her before. She got cheated out of it. Too bad.

Things got into a downward spiral from there. I think things would be different if things were different. But they are not. These are all a part of the process. No need to change things. They al happen for a reason.

My ball of the foot has a discomfort in it. It's not painful, but there is that feeling that if I kept running on it, it's going to be painful. What's next? There are movies maybe. I can check out the next episode, but can't get that until tomorrow morning. Then I do it later.

I think the subreddit has more potential. The email thing is not working. Anyway, I think there is more to it. I can't change their thinking. Only that I provide good content.