not allowing now?

I feel lost again. I think qbit is faster than deluge. Although the latter has more functions, it's pretty much the same. Qbit is cpp on qt. I think I was there before. The compile takes time, but once you have it up and running, it's fast.

This is why I am on python and dlang. Python to get me the libraries and a path, dlang for under the hood. Dlang also has this tutorial that teaches me the low level things.

And this is a good path. Yesterday, I learned about functions and tuples. I am going forward with this. I am not having fun here. It's all work. No need to blame other people for it. It is the choices I make. And only I can make the choice. Everything else reflects off that.

How do I go from here? Get out there. I can run later. I can go out and ride my bike. I can go to the city. I can do yoga. There are lots of things that I can do. I will be infront of the computer everyday anyway, why not take the weekend off?

Nothing I do now will get me one step closer. Do that and the reflection brings everything. You will be in that frequency. Is that fear? It is an invitation? Why not be a friend to yourself? And not judge it as something different? There is no bad thing? Only your definitions say it is. Be open.

It's not about that. Three more to go and I am like less than an hour through. Deluge was not this fast. Even if there were more seeds, deluge did not finish this fast. Or maybe I am wrong. And that's ok. This is the morning pages anyway.

What else can I do about it? I keep blaming my wife for it, but it's all my reflection. Nothing else is there. I think you see the point here. Be that which you seek today. There is, everything is here and now. Is this the reflection you prefer? If not, use the energy. Everything is here for you. Use it.

It's only a definition. It is still connected. Why is that an issue with me? Why is it that I have this? This is my path. This is the energy that I use. Not that my path is worse. It is only different. No need to when I get there. Everything is here and now. I am learning so much about programming even if others are already there.

What else can I do about this? There are things you will learn. I think you know where this is headed. There is python. There is ruby if you need it. You know how to go there. Do it then.

I see. No need for a different install. Everything is here and now. Do I need windows? I don't think that is necessary. Work with what you got. That is there for a reason.

And there is a story everywhere. See the sroy. Write about it. And then some more. Do I go there? The weather is changing. I think there was a light shower earlier. I need to vacuum this work area. The kids don't do it. They can, but I took over it. I want to do a better job at it.

You make it a habit for them to build up their self esteem. Everything else reflects off that. And it's not even the habit. It is the choices you make in the moment. And no need to judge yourself. What if the wife is about that?

I can explain things to her, but she don't get it. Then I do things her way. I see. What time you go monday? Go thursday. Then schedule on wednesday or something. Go early in the morning. The id I can use to open my own account.

It be easy for all.