That was the intention? What was? I don't know. It came to mind, that phrase, so I wrote it. I have pizza cooling off in the kitchen. That's what the kids are having for school lunch. It's a thursday. We had another situation last night as we headed to the grocery.
I felt that she was mean to my son when he told him we don't do grocery on wednesday. I could see him start to tear up but was keeping it inside. She could have said that in a more empathic way, but she didn't. She just put it out there not caring about how it makes people feel.
My son was looking forward to being with his mom and dad. It turned out to be a bitter experience. What did I get out of it? I saw the baggage she was carrying and would not let go of. She said she was under stress, but where was the stress in that moment?
My philosophy is that if I can't do anything about it in any given moment, then I let it go. It's not the right time for it. I cross the bridge when I get there. Doing so, I pick up things that's there. I don't know how it will help but I know that it's connected and may come in handy when the bridge is there.
She don't see it that way. Her way is to think about it until she finds a way to solve her problem, then hold that light until she gets to the bridge. I am done showing another way. She just can't see it. And this gets me upset because I am letting myself get affected by this.
What am I getting out of it? Control. Local mind wants to control the turnout. But you don't have to. You know that if and when you get into the light, you will see the reflection. There be contrast, but it's there so you have a choice. And that choice is still part of your process.
And right now I have this baggage that I should be retiring but instead I am on the lookout for work—in IT. It's like me reinventing myself again. Why do I not want that? I want to be in that light, but have definitions that are not in alignment. Then you know what to do first before taking another step.
And this is why I write.
How do I redefine that? It's not that I want a job. I am doing this because I feel like this is a part of my process to expand in computer science. That label, computer science is so out there for me. How do I redefine that?
Working with code. That sounds better. I'll find the right set of words later. For now, I can call it IT. And will use that. It's shorthand and I know what it means. So how do I redefine this? I don't have to convince anyone why they should hire me. I offer solutions that they might need. If not, then I move on to something else.
And I don't have to be someone else. I only have to, is that the right words for me, align myself with being that person with my solutions. Everything else will go for that. In the meantime, I have things lined up for the day. I am not running today, but if that sounds good later, then I can do a make up run.
I did seven rounds in the field yesterday. That was almost an hour of running and I was at peace after round three. At peace means everything was sync'd up. I was in the zone. It was a slow run, but I was enjoying it. I can run today, then take a break tomorrow. Or I can go for a walk and do yoga later.
I can do yoga this morning before brunch, then walk when the kids get home. It's not that I don't want to be with the kids. It's the pattern that I am changing. I see the pattern and find the motivation behind it. The trigger was when the kids are home and I am hungry. Besides, I have stuff to listen to while doing yoga. I do it in the living room this time. And that feels good for me.
It is a bit cold today. I can watch the series I found that makes me laugh. It is slowing down after the first three episodes. I wonder if they can keep it up after season 1. sometimes you don't have to have season 2. you can create a new one and expand from there.
Can I write that instead? I am an explorer? Im a. in the old days, you go about, find a place you can settle in, then stay ther. When the bug comes itching again, you pack up and go about again. Maybe that's how that guy did it in the man from earth. I want to see that movie again. I can do so today.
I can choose to take it easy today and nurse myself, be kind to myself. That's how I find alignment. I be in the light. No need to push things to make things happen. I know that now. And what you know is what you are. You act on it. No need to push that on someone else. And how toget there?
Do I have to run a big org like someone else? I would rather travel light. I would rather go on a bike tour and do stuff. Go ride to leyte and spend a year on that. I like that. How to get there? You need something that will run by remote control. I don't know yet. Maybe an online game with freemiums the way south park defined it.
That was a funny episode. Do you want to see more of that? When the kids watch it, I can see it with them. I spend so much time with them. Sometimes I just enjoy being with them when they get in the car. They feel the tension too you know.
I did when I was a kid. Even if I am quiet about it, I hope they didn't. But it's there. Maybe there is something there for everyone.