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situation with control

I made good this morning. Rather, I feel good about my game this time. Afternoons, I feel neg about it. Maybe it's because I am overload on playing poker and need a longer break for the day. I will journal these things and see how these goes.




I played 2NL this morning. My win-rate was at breakeven last night so I decided to go down for the session and see if it was a systemic misalignment or something else. I think it was something else. I wasn't taking the time to putting other players on a range and looking at their line of action.

This time, I took the time to see into that and was making good plays and good decisions. There were a few instances where the opponent was, I thought bluffing and I was right. There were other instances where I was folding. I am going to look more into playing that situation better. The bull cap from pokerstars hasn't arrived yet. It usually takes longer coming from them, about eight weeks to ten.

I will attend to that thing on monday. As much as you can, delay, take some days to delay, then take action. I am going to take the tests later today for the driver's license. What else is there? I will take a break from play for now, write morning pages, then resume play in an hour. I ran this morning. There was no sweat sessions scheduled so I decided to go.

I had carbs last night. I was upset about it, negative about it is the right word and it showed in my game play. Mornings it feels blank and play well. I got up this morning and insight said that state of being is in the heart. That there is a connection tehre. Friend said that the heart leads and the brain follows. I think it's connected to that. Local me will look into that some more. For now, it feels right that way.




When I make one big blind per session on average, then that's a good clip going up statkes. The other staker said three months and the players were at 100NL. I think that's possible. That's how much bi you need to play in that level. I have a stake. I can go there when I consistently show positive results.

I was going to say good results but it's not always good as good is like putting judgement on what is. Positive allows for losses here and there and that is part of the process. So the name of the game is to make good decisions. I don't know if opponent ron had two pairs, but he folded when I went all in. I did so in case he had something better than my hand. Maybe not as he folded.

And I am analyzing things too much in my head. Only enjoy the process. The three daughters are in school today. They have full day today. We grocery tomorrow. Two of my kids are gamers. I removed win8 last night but couldn't install seves. I will look into that. I think it has something to do with the drivers. But how do you install drivers to that.

Let's see if vian can use ubuntu at school. I don't think it's going to be a problem. She uses that better than anyone else. That notebook is going to be a hacker notebook if she can't use it. I can definitely use it. Soon as I move up to 100NL then things are starting to happen and expand.




It already is. It's just that I am in a different frequency so I don't see it. Everything is here and now. I will play another set later, then have bbrunch. It has to be at noon as I had carbs last night .i do so once every week now? I do. And I am still losing weight. I am going to tighten up a bit on that though not make that a habit.

You only need to see the choices that you make. Soon as you are aware, then you take responsibility for the choices. That's what is important here. And I don't care anymore what the wife thinks. I don't think she has the nuts here. I have good experience in poker. I had success before such that other people are staking my ganes. That's a good sign. I had four inquiries and that is a good sign there.

I am going to do more of this. Is this the nuts? This business can scale. I can easily move up stake levels soon as I have enough sample. It can happpen sooner. I have coaching to improve my game. I am part of a team. I can play live poker when I get there.

Getting a job, it is good at the beginning specially if there's pain like that. But long term, I am not happy doing that. The cash flow will hit a plateau. The kids, all four of them need braces. Getting a job will somewhat probably get them all braced up, but it will be tight.




Playing poker, I will get there sooner at 100nl. It'll be like having a regular job. Then I move up stakes and get better as well improving my win-rate and that's how these will scale up. There's also the supernova elite to gun for. I am still in contention for that.

I have a stake. That one thing is the most strongest reason for staying put. April 15 can happen but there will be options. I can move. I have a stake so maybe I can get help with that. And then I am going to move up stake levels by being consistent. I can do that.

I now move up on my next session to 5nl. That will speed up the fpps when I play. This is another part here. This is why I think or guess rather that I have the nuts and wife doesn't. She's gone all in on second pair. I don't think that is a good proprosition there. She can get sucked out on anytime and she'll be back in square one.

And that's the nature of it. I'm not saying that her opinion is bad. I just think that she doesn't have all the information to make a good decision. Her thoughts are one sided. I am not invalidating her thinking. It's just that I have experience in this side of the fence. She doesn't. I used to work at a job and thought that it's not going to work out, not with the bucket list that I have.




I saw that coming...that my higher self will make it easy for me to move, shift into my light. And it happened sooner than I thought. Maybe it's because they don't want me to make another draw and go all in on that job. And that's why I was happy about it inside. There was anxiety there, but soon as I saw alignment, I was content and can let go of the anxiety. Have I let go really?

Yes. I am gung ho and all in on paker. Am I? Yes. I don't care that wife doesn't talk to me anymore. It's fine with me. I have learned much in my play. I am getting better and better all the time...every moment. My kids can do this when they are older. I can teach them this when they get interested. Their choices are more compared to just getting a job.

I think the kids will appreciate that. Their source code has to be open source. If not, it's going to be a different reflection for them. But then again, they have me. They can see the examples that I live. I don't have to preach to them. They can see it right there. No need for faith. Faith is going all in on a draw or having second pair. It is more likely that you won't get your hit on the river.

Then what is the path here? Be in my own light. No need to convert anyone else. I wonder if the people I was trying to help, if they started in 2012 and kept at it and getting better, how would they be today? If they got themselves a stake, they could be better than I am today. It is possible. But their source code are different than mine. I am pagan. I am open source.

They are more prop software. The dev is limited. It's like windows 8. it looks fancy, but soon as you start using it, it doesn't work. Better to get linux. The interface looks primitive but it doesn't get in your way. It is a tool to let you expand. It is not going to limit you other than what you don't want to learn.

When you face a wall, it's telling you to consider other path, other choices that are available to you. When you do so, you see more choices. If that's something my kids will pick up from me, then my work here is done. For now, I am living this example. I am here. Maybe I can put up a chart of some sort and update that every week. That way, the wife can feel easy about it.

I think we have colored ink. I can print out once a week and that will be a good motivation for me. Once a week on fridays is good. That way, on weekends when she has time to be home, she will see and might ask about it. And then I can show her some examples.

moving up stakes?

I realized coming home that I haven't done morning pages yet, so here I am. I am almost back at breakeven, at least in terms of big blinds. And that is a better gauge than money values. It can get skewed when you move up stakes so I am watching that. But then again, if I were profitable in the lower stakes, then it'll show as that. I think there is a better way to show the charts.




I am using a different fot here. I am tired of the monaco font. This font I use for some of my vim fonts, like here in windows. And I can keep it this way for now, or at least when writing in this operating system.

And what else to write about? I think this scene is interesting. That features that guy who teleports. That was a cool scene there on the xmen 2. it's where jean grey dies? I think so. It's that alaska scene or was that for wolverine? Maybe. We shall see. I write and I am distracted here. Why not ride there? That would be interesting.

First things first—aussie millions. I can go there for the week and fleece tourists. I think it may be soft as they are mostly tourney players looking to practice and while away their time after they get kicked out. I think the team can go there. I have a year to audition for that then.

I can be up there in about two months. This is my first week. I am going back to 5NL and will start grinding on that level with the new found skill I have—test for weakness. If they bite, then good. If not, I do that two out of three and I am in the black.




This is part of the process. I am doing something else and this is interesting for me. It is my son's birthday in two days. He is quite very excited about it. Two daughters start school tomorrow. The third one starts in two days. Then we have birthday celebration on saturday. I wonder if we are going to have guests here. And there be some catching up happiening. Jean grey is getting old there. She was hot, but she got in late. And that's part of her process.

I will take a nap after I finish these and then I will bring car to wife. When I get back I start grinding again. I might have to take another shower. Things are looking bleak in our relationship. She is so in the dark. Or am I? She is a reflection for me. Am I reading these? I think so.

Why am I reading these then? Maybe I can do something here instead. Like what. Keep writing. And then I can get to the other isde. And then I can start playing agin. And that be the fun part there. And then we see what else is going to happen. Like what? I don't know. Only that I finish writing.

Close your eyes. Write what comes to mind. I had this weird dream. That someone said goodbye and I had to tell a friend about it. That person was close to that friend. Man, is someone dying? This ieda just game up. What do you want to communicate? I can tune in and write down things you want said.




I love you. That's the first and important thing to know. And that I have always been there for you. Pleas know that I will be here always. Am I? And that there is connection to the other side.

Why am I judging what comes out. I only write and I remember athena drive. That neighborhood was good. We stayed there for a while and I enjoyed it. This time isdifferent. I am moving up stakes. No need for expectations. I am in this moment. I have access to all that is here and now.

Maybe I should make that my player name. I think the one I have is good enough. It is going to go up stakes soon. How do you claim that for yourself? I don't know yet. All I know is that I can be supernova elite this time. Will I make it this year? So much the better if I did.

I only do five grand hands each day. Is that possible? I think so. Do an hour of sixteen tables. I can do twenty. How soon do I get there? I can get there soon enough. I do a lot of pauses when I play that much. And that be part of the process for me. And what else to do? I don't know. All I see is wat to write next.




Wife is coming home late all week, until friday. So we spend birthday with son. How do I make that special? I don't know yet. I think we knowwhat is going to happen. I see this and I allow. Things are in place. All I need to do is align with that reflection and be in the light. No need for expectations. I keep writing the same. I remember antipolo. I would love to go tehre again, but the traffic going there is hell.

When we visit, I won't go around much other than stay in the hotel and go around the vicinity. I can visit some people in san kuan. That be interesting there. And what else can I do about it? I don't know. Hang out with some people. When is that bull cap coming? I don't know yet. She's hot, ana pacquin. I think she has a tv series that bombed.

That was good while it lasted. And then some. And that guy in mr cool. If you were a superhero what would it be/ no need to fight other villains. Vereyone is a hero in their own right and that be my power to shift dimensions. It's not about time. And if you did that you will know that time is an illusion.

And that you never really time travel. You only shift. You remember the past from here and now. And a few seconds ago is another perspective from here and now. So how do you prove this on the computer?




Create an algo that tracks time and it will always come out to here and now. Print hello world is here and now. Even if you scheduled it in the future, by the time it prints, it is a different view of the here and now. You see it printed here and now. So how do you prove time? It's like proving god, that old man in heaven exists. People are so habituated to thinking that he's real that no matter what proof you present to them, you won't convince them otherwise.

For them, the consequence of even considering that as fact is to consider eternal damnation. I am glad it is behind me. When did it shift? When I was in that hospital. I knew there was something wrong there. And it had already been declining for some time. Another incident is that church thing. I did not have to know much to see what the priest is all about.

Maybe he is gay and he was starting to have sex thoughts there. Maybe. I never thought of it that way. That priest was troubled. And it's good that it is behind me. Some people will follow crazies like that to kingdom come. And they have some nice phrases in there. You have a lot of talent following blindly.

My kids, they have a choice. They are forced by their mom to go to church on sundays and that I allow. That way, the kids will get sick of it and will think about the options and examples that I present. Do they pray for me? Maybe so. They know I don't go to church but there is this idea growing in their head now. I wonder if wife needs car later.




I have time to nap. Or I can do it later. I was able to take a nap earlier. I can do more hands now. I can ramp it up and get going again. I can look it up and see how many hands I was playing back then. I think it was twenty or eighteen. That's the target number of tables then? I can do that now. Only do a lot of pauses to catch up

if not, then I can lower the tables again. Do I go up now? I think so. Did I check earlier or was it something else? I don't know. I am no longer reliant on luck. You make them fold and you see what happens there.

You don't try to guess what they have and see what happens. I do two tables later and ask more questions this time. I think that be fine there. How to put them on ranges and determine most likely range. It's not one hand though.

when, not if

I am still having anxiety with my game. Maybe I am playing way too many tables. But when I play with less and think things through, I still get anxiety. Maybe it's the expectation. Maybe I want to see results and want to keep this stake rather than simply having fun with it.




It may be true that I am still going through a dry spell and that I am mechanical about my game. If that were so, then I need to lessen the tables and get that automatic. Or do many, ten tables, but pause often when I get a big hand or get played back. At times you just have to fold, more so when you have nothing. And then go with that four barrel thing.

I think that is the thing there. If I can four barrel with the hand, then I can cbet on the flop. If not, then I check and get a free hand. This fly is training to pay attention. When, not if. If is conditional...when is shifting. When you get that, then you change into something else. Everything changes. I think that session was a free session.

You get more of them free sessions then. That be the goal. When you have a down session and you played well, or not or spewed on the table, then it is still a tuition as you learned something. I learned something new today. Not if, when. That way, you shift easy and without conditions.

That was part. And I had shallow sleep last night. Why was that? I think I was able to sleep, then woke up. It was still shallow. Or I kept waking up. I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the anxiety. I want to know how I am doing here. And the people are all grinding on the tables.




At these levels, people still call a lot, specially top pair. That guy I showdown a set, midset, he had two pairs. I think that was decent, but when you get triple barrels like that, I don't showdown big hands. I might fold it and see what happens. He was cold calling me and that got me concerned for a while there.

I do that at times when I have the nuts. If he had that nuts and that happened, it is still a big hand and I make the pot big. Nothing wrong there. These things happen and you gotta be ok with that. Otherwise, it's going to happen a lot.

Who turned on the computer last night. Next session is that driving test. I do another one and see how things go. It's like poker. When you get the hand, you play it the way it's supposed to be played. Play your a-game. No expectation for the outcome. You play a-game and that is your expectation there.

There be plenty of lessons here when I write. The insights come out on paper. I changed the close this table button. I kept hitting it when I am not supposed to. I moved the lobby close to the keyboard so I don't hit that as well. The session is over and that I can let go of the gamepad. So the up arrow is now free. What can I use that for?

Nothing for now. The different bets are on my keyboard and that will do for now. The poker client is off anyway. These bet hotkeys only work with the client. Even when I leave the script running, nothing is going to happen.




Wife is still sleeping. I don't feel like having sex right now. Maybe later. They have skype with her mom later. Her tablet is with my son. These dynamics in the house, you gotta let them. They are there for a reason. Maybe not yours, but let them be and see how things fall into place.

So how do you deal with this then? I don't know. You'll know when the timing is right. The timing is right when you know. When both are not present, then it's not. And you are ok with that? Yes. How to go from here? I can make breakfast. I wonder what wife is going to make. The bankroll is still sound and healthy. I think I can make longer sessions. That's also the next step here. Do I go for more hands and breakeven? I think the next step is to put villain on a range.

That is a tool I will use when I move up range. I can watch poker videos on my free time. Watch one per day. One session per day. Learn one thing that I can use in my game. It's like vim. You don't have to memorize all the shortcuts. You only learn one thing and use that everyday. Or week.

There's less flies here that that other house. That one had a lot. Where was that coming from. And why the fly here. Maybe it has nothing to eat. The cat is not here yet. Maybe he has a new home. That's what happens when your kids are grown up. They move out but come to visit on their free time. And I can still play poker then. And that be fine when you play. And see what happens there.




So what's next? That grandpa was still playing poker. I think he knew what he had. But that was on the river. So be it. And can you see other things in here? I think so. Is that gambling? If you don't see the math there. But is there math in horse racing? If you are deep into that, then you see the analytics as math.

If you hold a job, that too is gambling. You go all in on one employer. When you lose your job you lose everything. With poker, I can have a stake or none. What you need is your bankroll. I can grow that or not. I should focus on fr with that other account. I can do that later on then.

Is there spyware on this machine? Or try not to use that anymore. I can do that. And what else is there? I don't know. Only do this and get to the other side. I think it shows that money was transferred and he is using it. And is that possible in here. There is something to learn there. At least require him to use another computer when playing. That way, you can do something else.

I see. And what things are going to happen now? I don't know. Everything is possible. That way, you can do something else in the meantime. Like what? I don't know yet. I think she will use her tablet for skype. It has a bigger screen. She can do it that way.




What is for breakfast? We have burgers. There be chickens. We might have late breakfast or brunch. That be fine. She goes to work later. I wonder when we get the new episode? I did not see them in the forum. Maybe there is nothing there yet. Do they come out every two weeks?

That is something different. I go in here more often now. I haven't been programming since the stake. Go do that on your free time. At least one hour a day. That be more that enough to learn something new. That is part of the curricullum now.

I can do that. And this be the last paragraph. I can close my eyes as I wire. This is what practie is doing. You don't have to look at the keys anymore. And you don't have to push it in. it's there already. He knows what happened and I am sure looking back he'd do differently. And that's the point.

moving up levels

I don't think I was able to do morning pages earlier. I got off and started working already. Maybe that's why I feel off-center. I realized it when I was walking home. I wonder where geof and es were off to? Maybe albany? They could have taken the motorway. Or maybe not. Maybe it was someplace else.




And this is good music here. This playsilt is good for me. I can listen to it on and off and there is enough good music. I can check down top pair. If it is a small hand anyway. No more need to go deep into that. Just check it down. If it were aggro, then cold calling is the way to go. If it were a reg, then you better be careful. Watch the wsd stat and wtsd. That will tell you a lot.

I don't have much stat at this time so it may be best to play conservatively. I see that now. And what else can I do here? I don't know yet. Play it tight until you have enough stats. Who is that marvel hero? And why call them hero? They lead extraordinary lives. They have it easy. Why do we label those as heroes.

The true heroes are the ones in the trenches doing their thing even through the contrast. I can't say against all odds as that is only perpetuating the contrast. If you don't want it, do not invalidate it. See it as part of the reflection. I call it contrast. It is there pointing to a direction you might want to consider.

And I woke up feeling better about myself. I have a stake now. I am headed in that direction. Things are working out. And I don't have to have expectations. Only that I choose to be in the light at all times. That is the path I am in. no other thing to do here. And I can play after this. Or I can shower.




I am doing yoga and that be later around eight? After a session, I can do yoga. I can do fifteen tables again? That is the most I have so be it then. And no need for expectations. Only play well. I feel like I am home now after a long trip. Is that good. You know that feeling. You have been away for more than a week. Things have been different and now you are home. You can relax and ease up.

And this is how it's been the last two days. I have a stake. I can play full time now. And things are different now. I see what's different now. This stake is more responsive and there's a lot of sweats going on. I will see how far I can take this. For now, this is where I am.

Do I have expectations on this? Only that I play well. That is my see the ball, hit the ball. And I can and will pause on big hands. And I don't have to showdown them big. I can if I chose to. And there will be that. I see that now. I am differently responding.

It don't matter what is on the outside now. This is page two. I don't have much insights now in the afternoon. Local mind has been busy. I did take a nap earlier. Writing and waking up is connected for me. And then I write some more if I have to. For now, this is what I do. I can bust that bankroll but it is not going there. Now I have direction. Now I see how to play this well.




That is the gameplan here. Play well. Make good decisions. Do not go on auto pilot. How come this song comes up all the time? I don't know. I changed it. And it goes random when you change it. And this I sa good rhythm for me. Wife comes home at midnight. If she followed her path, things may get easier for her. This is the path I am in. no need to see where this is headed.

Should I listen to my friend? I can do something else in the meantime. How come there is a lot of fighting in these superhero series? It is that which get people hooked. I don't have to watch that. I think the transfers are done. Kid will want to see that. It's there already.

What is coming up? I am still on page two. There's a lot of writing to do here. I ...son is asking if he can take another shower. It has been warm lately. The window is being replaced. I left it out there. I think they can do something about it. This is where I am. I do something else later.

Not much happening here. I am going through the motions? I remember doing that tanay thing. That was bleeding money. I am sorry. I did learn a lot from the experience. On that side, I think you are pleased with the outcome. We did not get the expected outcome, but there were other more subtle things that were gained from the experience.




I think that is what it was there for. I spent five years there and when it was time to move on, I did. I followed the path. And this is where it led me. What did I gain from that anyway? It was the experience. There were instances here and there. And I take it all in. it was all good in the end.

How so? I don't know. I have things that are different. And I went through my process. And it went as far as it did and it was all good. It was not what we wanted but we got more from it in the end. I can't enumerate all of it. All I know is that I am a better person from it all.

And that is what's happening here now. I don't have to do something I am not interested in. it will only lead to more reflection that you don't want. For one, it did not feel well in my body. I was going to get sick with it. I would rather be here and be content, be at peace with who I am.

And I am moving forward here. No need to be someone else. I am here. I am home now. The kids are growing up. They will soon move out. That be sad, but it's a rite of passage. They will want to spread their wings eventually. The sooner they do so, the stronger their wings will be.




I think they have all they need at this time. They can course correct when it is relevant for them. They know about bashar. They will look that up hwen they fid alignment with it. Or they learn about it from someone else. When they hear about it, they will remember me. And that is going to make me smile.

And when they visit we can talk about it. And there be expansion in that. Everything is connected. And they might not find that path anyway. Maybe things are going to be different for them. And it's ok as well. This music I like. I can go there but the ears need variety. It can go easy or hard like his.

I am more than halfway through here. I will play a session after I finish posting these. I have enough pics to go with it anyway. And there is nothing else to do but this. Everyday is like this. And everything reflects and expands from this. And I am good with that. It is relevant for me.

I can do dlang later tonight when I am done playing. I play all day. That's my job. That's my business. What more can you ask for? I am good.

within last 24hours

I am bankrolled for less than twenty tables? I lost a stack and next table opened I was asked how much to deposit. Was that something I could have avoided? Probably. Maybe not. It's variance. Maybe twenty is too much so I use that as part of my process.




That hurts. And I have these concerns in my head. Local me wants to find how to fix this when it's not for that purpose. Local me is to only see contrast and feedback. It's not made to figure out how things will happen. I see the options in front of me and pick the one that is relevant and in alignment with who I am at that moment.

Every moment is different. If wife was more responsible then I could have closed that one account easy. But she isn't. And she keeps on barreling. How is this my responsibility? It's in my reflection. How can I best use this? Not best, but relevant as to how I can use this. How then?

See thet contrast and use the contrast moving forward. It's like swimming and you use the wall to push against to propel you. It's not pushing against as in fighting the wall to get your way. It's using it to propel you to where you need to go.

And I sometimes don't get it this way. At least I am going in with big hands for those situations. How come I did not see that? It's part of the equation here. Maybe I need to take a break here. Maybe I should. Do I run now? My headphones stink. I can do learn dlang on linux. That makes things easy. I can take that break and get playing again later.




And what is this contrast so I can use it? I don't know yet. One of the options is to borrow money from a friend from a long time ago. It's kinda steep but it will get me going again. I don't know how, but you can do so when you get to that other side.

Always be truthful with him. You left on a good note back then. It's there for a reason. Use it. I will then. Monday is a diversion. If that works, then we will see how things go. If not, then I can do something else.

I'm not sure it will, but maybe there is something there that I can do. It's been like this for a while now but things are different now. I have an uptrend on this side. Take a break for now. Minus two tables and I have enough for that. I think I was doing ten tables and it has gone up from there. Should I do something else now? Is that job part of the process? It's there. Use it then.

This is page two. I will do dlang after I post this. I can do an hour or two on that. Where is that going? I can do a poker tracking software with that. It will take time. I can also do a system of tools I can use for playing. There be resources out there. I can learn that in the next twelve months. Finish the book then practice on dailyprogrammer.




It's the practice that matters more. I learn better from doing. It's the reflection. How is doing a reflection? It is experience and that is the only thing that's real. So it's reflection and experience? Or slash on that. It's the same thing somewhat but local me can't put a grasp around it. So be it for now.

I play later. For now, I only do this. Wife is still in shutdown mode. So be it. We can choose to move forward on this. I wonder why she chooses to be in that cave of hers. Maybe that's how she deals with things. Kids are concerned about her. They know she is in the dark. And am I being irresponsible here?

It is harder to start a business. I have to tighten my belt. Getting a job is easy but long term, you are not really building value there. An employee won't get that. They think, ok...wife don't get that. She has been a habitual emplayee all her life. If cash flow were a drug, she is used to getting a salary. It's what she has been doing all her life.

She thought that the taxi business was making money because there was cash flow there even if it were negative cash flow. To her, cash flow is cash flow even if it's negative. I would rather tighten up for a year that do something like that. I am all in on my business now.




So move that forward and take that step what's stopping you? A no. it happened before. At least you know it's not where it's supposed to be. I have a line that might work, but will it get me the total I need to work with? I think so. Maybe I can make a counter offer? Like something to get it off my back.

I can do that. Offer half of that as payment and if they take it then that's done and I am moving forward with it. I helped them out, how come she can't won't help me out? Is it the non-closure we've had? Maybe. Then I can move forward from there. She did not even replied to that.

Maybe it's not her that can help you. So be it then. But I develop friendship that way. So be it then. I don't like enjoy borrowing money. This time though, I know how to cross that street. How to get there then? I can claim that I have this remaining in my account and I can have that as payment to close it.

I can do that as well. We'll see what happens. I can give them a call on monday and see what happens. A third might do and I can close it on that. It's a department in there. I can go there and see what happens. If they say yes then that's a victory there. If not, then I can do something else.

I am dwelling on that and putting emotions to it. I can write that email today after I finish this. I am not moving forward on that energy. Action grounds everything. And that be what I am doing here and now. I think it is possible. I can see where this is going from here.

And what other options have I got? It's a weekend. It's more likely that he can be online. We will see. They have moved around and I can get a reply sooner. And what else is there? I don't know yet. Only that I need to get to the other side. Is this where things are headed.

I don't know. I only know what is immediately in front. I touch that to see if it works. If it doesn't, then I can check something else. The other option is to go for part time work. I can do four hours then go full time getting to supernova elite. That is the intention here.

What else is there? I don't know yet. For now, I finish writing. There are part time work out there. You just need to get out more often. And I can see that. I can go there browns bay and check things out. I can do that with my resume and spend time getting to that option.

I can do that. It's in my path. Maybe synchronicity is telling me to go this way.

poker insights writing

Someone lost 35 percent of their bankroll and that was playing their a-game. I guess I am going through a downswing then. What's so great about this? I am improving my game while I am on the bench. There's nothing wrong with being benched. It gives you time to see the long term bird's eye view perspective. You get to see the big picture. Allow it in. things will fall into place.




As it is, I have narrowed down my tables to ten. It's not much but I get to spend time with the hands. Do you want to see showndown hands? I think so. I want to see how things turned out and that gives me time to see them in action. Is it still in place? I can go check that out with one or two tables then make changes from there.

Maybe I can increase time show to twenty seconds. I am going to email wife later. She could be coming home late today. Also need to get that work and income papers in place again. And what is that? I don't know. I think this is going to be here in place anyways.

And I have something coking anyway. Taht's what's important here. It's not that I jumped shipped with no backups. I have one and it's a good one. Is it gambling? I don't think so. Poker is math intensive. This is the skill required, not scaring people off their hands. I will be playing tighter than usual. I don't think that's the right term there. I'll be playing my a-game now. It's going to be intense and that's part of my days. I email the wife soon as I leave so she can go over it in her day.

Maybe make the email, but send it later before she comes off work. Or she is coming home early today. I can have that talk with her later then. How do you explain things with her? I don't know yet. All I know is that these things happen and I can use the energy. I have a backup and it's in place. I go play my agame and things will get there.




The math will even out in the long run. What if it doesn't? Then keep to your agame. There will be opportunities to improve your game. Get back to the classroom. I think 2p2 has a lot of resources to get you going. Stick with that path. Long term is good and you will reflect back the contrast you need.

That is a good insight there. You reflect back the contrast you need. Need meaning something you can use to course-correct and make you align with that expression reflection being that you defined. Everything is here and now. No need to respond to the contrast. It is tere to give you feedback as to how you are doing. This is why I write. I deon't get these when I think outright. Thinking in my head I go around in circles. When I write, they come out. I connect with the flow and I see them coming out on paper.

Seeing them on paper is secondary. As I write them I realize the insights that I am getting here. And this is where the point is. I am going to be honest with the wife here. I can talk about that when I pick up later. Is she going to ask for pick up? Then I can do that. I can also go up the bus station and get her there.

If it is tptk, then do so. If not, you might want to do something else there. Is it going to be there? I don't know. All I know is that you can use this situation to get something out in the open. See it for what it is and do something about it. I think I see the point here. So be it and see what happens.




Does everyone in there have huds while they play? I forgot to get some stuff from the grocery. Tissue and soy sauce. I will play today. It may take longer, and that be ok. I can do that. I enjoy playing anyways. Be at zero. No need to push something that's out there. Put in the state of being. Is the definition, the source code in alignment? Yes. I used to play that well. So be it.

Align with that and get to the other side. Wife has gone off to work. She goes to veggie store later. We can have that talk then. This is page two. I have a full day today. I get timed out then so be it. I can go to that place and find alignment. This is what it's all about then. The kids are still sleeping.

Eldest daughter has good confidence in her. I think they all do. It's good that they have a good relationship. Me and my bros have that undercurrent. People say we're too cold, but that's the upbringing we had. And I think it's also has to do with habit and choice. It became a habit to choose that way.

And do I have to change things here? It's already changed. No need to do so on the outside. Respond that way. It's from the inside that matters. And this is what you want. No need to go out side. There is no outside. There is reflection and that is coming from you anyway. Why change the outside reflection working on the outside. You respond in alignment and that's how you change the reflection.




See why this is happening. This is how you use the energy. You see what is in therefor you. Then you use the energy. Everything happens for a reason. This did not happen outside of you. Your higher self put this here so you will see the sign on the road. Go this way. It's not a diversion. It's pointing you in the path to alignment. This is contrast.

If you resist this, then you get stuck. You are not allowing alignment. You stay in that fork in the road going back and forth complaining about the road sign saying go this way. Instead you rely on your map that is probably outdated. See the path and you will know that if you took left or right, it don't matter. You will find yourself there when you align yourself.

Test it for yourself. You get that and you still will find it. Tilt is an issue? How to deal wit that? Write about it. There are stuff in there that you can use. When you write, you can edit them out later and make it better. That's how you get more traffic to your site. This is what it is all about. Do I need that playlist?

I can have that in my list. I use it anyway. It is in alignment and is part of the process. So be it then. I will email wife so we can talk about it later. I can even text her but I get better milage when I write about it?

I think so. So be it then. No need to worry yourself sick. How soon to move up? You already know that. You cross the bridge when you get there. And I am already at that level. This time, you scale up. You move up stake levels.

You don't have to do zoom. You can do ten tables and add more when needed. You see the point here? I see it. Use it and see what happens. You don't have to see it that way. All you do is use this and you see something else.

Maybe I can make a second hud to show me the stats I need. Like per street per position stats. I get there when I get there. For now, this is where I am and I can finish these. Synchronicity told me this is the right path. I am headed this way. That is what the clock numbers are for.

am i learning?

Best play I have and I am getting variance. What is this? Just play and not get results expectation. No need for that. As long as you are playing well, it's going to give you reflection and contrast. Would you rather play bad and win? That's not what you want. This is contrast and you can use this to contrast good play even though you get sucked out on. I stopped playing tptk. That is progress.you can't help but fight variance.




This is what the game is about. Only play your required number of hands and no look at results. The results will take care of itself over time. It is not going to stay there for long. I am returning to programming. I am looking at c and dlang. These two are system languages. I am going to use them to build myself some tools for playing. Maybe a bot?

That will be a good project. I am doing that on my free time. So it's not just poker, I am also building up my programming skills. Where is this going to? I don't know. At least these are interesting for me and that's where I am. No need to see where this is going. The journey is the destination. You don't have to go there. You can pinpoint which direction you want to go based on interests, but it's not the destination. The journey is the destination.

I kept repeating that. And is there somethnig rong that I am doing here? I don't know. It was just that bad beat. Maybe I need to take a break. I am still reeling from that? no. I am still holding on to that. I am aware of that. When I am aware of it, I can drop it. It is no longer relevant for me. I got what I need from that. When it comes up, I can and am using it as contrast. No need to fight or push it away. It comes up, I am aware of the source code and it may be habit so I can change it there.

This is how things are connected. You don't have to fight anything. And this is why it's sideways. I can look at the source code and see what is happening there. I can go for supernova. The cash bonus will keep things afloat. That way, I am still a wining player and will get roi even at breakeven. That is what rakeback is about. This is why I play poker. As it is, I am getting a bull cap and it's new. Am I collecting them? Some of them are not so good. The last pokerstars bull cap I got was cheap and I hardly wore it. The full tilt poer cap was better, but still not as good.





The ftp store used to have some good stuff. It's closed now. I wonder who else has got some good store stuff? I don't see them anymore. But if I were a site, i'd use that to reward my players. They are cheap to make anyway. But taht's just me. Maybe I can create my own site? It don't have to be accessed from anywhere. With this age and time, where can you put your servers? Offshore so they can't be reached. But that is open to piracy.

Maybe in a satellite or in space. But they can be of breach for secucrity. That's in my head anyway. Daughter has tummy ache? It's her second to the bathroom. These kids are fun to be with. And I am happy to be spending time with them. It's not that one is better than the other, only that they are different.

And I don't have to judge. That only gives me neg refrection. It's not what I prefer. That only tells me what the source code is. Only write and see what comes up. Ihave that and still pcoreccing that. I see. And how long will it be there? As long as I can use them. When I can't use them anymore, then it will change. Everyhing changes. I don't have to make anything happen. They will change by themselves asa reflection. And this is what it's about.

I will run later in the evening. It's too early and I went to bed late. The routine is changing again? I can run later in the morning. That is a good run and I can do that. What else is there? Check the bike. Go there later. This is summer. Do you want to go there? Not really.




This is a better time for me. I can do something else in the meantime. Is that what this is about? Are there more regs this time? I don't know. Maybe they are also using huds. I think ps has better overall. So I can stay with them and see how things go. How soon? That is an expectation. No need for that. See when they come up, you look at the source code. I see stuff in the neighborhood that others don't.

This is why I do this. It gets warm later in the day. I can run later. People are in church. I used to go there but now I am awake. No need to put it outside of you. You are an aspect of creation. Why put your power to the side and outside. Maybe that is how they use it? I think so.

And thisi s what you write about? What is for breakfast? I don't know yet. Wife is taking the kids to church. Sex is good. I enjoy that. I was up late today. Why did daughter kill the lights? Maybe it is something that she needs off so she can sleep. And I see things I did not before.

If that did not happen, i'd still be doing that. And I enjoy playing poker. It is something that I do. I build up my bankroll that way. And how do you get to the other side. There were times when I had negative months. Imagine that. There were links to that .i can look into that. I have one neg month and the rest are cool.




At least I have that to be in the light. You use everything to your positive. No need for negs or you get hem as permanent. Negs are there all the time. They are par t of your contrast. I am replacing batteries later. Is this new battery? I think so. I replaced them yesterday and now they are down a bar.

So be it. I can replace them later after the recharge. And this is what is fun about it. No need to be someplace else. This is what it is about. No need to trade. There are too many outside factors you can't control. I can go back as part time, but it's not me anymore.

And can I practice that? No need. As long as I am writing then I can practice from here. The fingers are more relaxed this way. And I don't have to change anything from the outside other than who I am. No need to go otherwise. This is where I am and this is where things are going to stay.

And I just write about things as though I was telling someone else about it. And I can see that in the head. There must be definitions there? I think so. At least I see the source code. If something needs changing, then I can change them to align with everything.

I can bring down the trash later on. The kids see me writing all the time. I enjoy being on this computer. It's a good spot. It used to be they watched tv all the time. Now they are online. Their views are expanded. They learn steuuf everyday and that be good.

Maybe I can teach daughter how to write code. That way, she can use it in her line of work. Let's do that is she is interested. If not, do something else.

contrast stands out?

Still no sex with wife. She's shut me down again after I quit my job. It's more like my manager said I did not have a future with the company. It's corp-speak meaning you may get fired. Rather than waste my time sucking up, I decided to follow/act on my synchronicity. I started playing poker a few days before that happened. I was thinking it would be nice to do that full time.




And now I got the reflection and I acted on it. Wife doesn't get that. She'd rather do the job thing. Since 2011, I have been getting more than one hundred percent returns for my money playing my poker method. Why did I give up on that? I think it was pressure from the wife—but really it was my choice. I think I got burned out playing. And now that i've had the opportunity to work at a regular job, I prefer playing poker, grinding it out at the felt than work at a job. Poker play is my job now.

I have a game plan now. Soon as I hit a hundred in bankroll, I can mix up my tables with the next stake level. I can do the points thing while I am doing that. It's fit and fold actually. It's the telemarketing way of playing poker. I think I see that now. If you get on a table like that, you find the reflection. I skinned a donkey at the tables yesterday. I think that donk too had a big hand. I didn't see what their showdown was, but donk's winrate was solid as well. Is that variance?

It is. If donk had a big showdown hand then it is variance. And that can will happen to everyone. I am no exception. This is why you play telemarketer. You don't care who plays back at you. When you see that on the tables, you switch and get a different one. That way, you are mixing it up.

Sometimes you get different hands. And that's rk. I am learning a lot. Mornings I get insights. I am going out for some chores today. I can use my money to add more funds. But is that where you want to go? I'll add them tomorrow. I will play my game and see what happens. There's more players now.




And I have some videos to watch. It's on my list. I can do that after dinner. No more play after dinner unless I had a good midday nap. I was tired last night and played tptk. Not for me. I was easily off my a-game when I am tired. In the mornings, I am better off as I am rested. Maybe I do that this time.

How to get better vibration while playing. I think I can do stretchings while seated. Or do something else. I can listen to music or something else. That is the second video there. See when the other one finishes up. This is why I write here so they can catch up and finish force check.

And then there are other things. It's summer. Son asked to sleep in our room. I was happy with that but wife you can tell by her voice she was not happy with it. She feels bad about herself and she makes everyone else feel the same way. And it's a cycle for her. She sees the reflection and she responds to it. She thinks she doesn't have a choice, but choosing to respond to the reflection is a choice.

I don't know how to share with her what I know. She thinks that I believe in ufo's and all that but ufo's are more real than the gods in her religion. The day is coming up when this is validated. And then they change their definitions. I have known this all along and tat is why I made that choice to give up on religion.




And she is not happy with it and I allow her that. So be it. This is my contrast here. This is what I play with. No need to change anyone. This is who I am. I am getting back to dlang. I can do that or do android. I can choose which one. It don't really matter. I do programming on this os than windows.

I like it that I have better granularity here than all gui interface. And I can take it from here. If I had to, I can change the operating system on the laptop. It's not there yet but it'll get there. I can get me a new one soon. I do this and see what happens.

Anyone will go for a thirty percent return on their business. It's just that they don't know anything else. But when you are open to what is, then you see what else is there. What is is that everything is here and now. Soon as you grasp and understand what it means, everything else expands around that knowing.

And how do you teach that? You don't. You teach only by the clarity of your example. This is why I am learning a lot these days. And how do you show to your kids? They already see the difference. You be the contrast and it stands out. That is what contrast is.

That was big there. Contrast stands out? How to use that? I don't know yet. See the difference and you align yourself with it. It's a choice you make. You can choose to be this and stay there, or see the contrast and align yourself. That is what contrast is for.




And you write to put it out there. Ideas and isights like that sneak up on the page and you see it. And I never thought of it that way. This ish ow it is connected. I wonder if kids have it? I can explain things to them when they want to. I think I have a good relationship with my kids.

I am happy with that.

new day today

I am off to resign from that job. It's not me anymore. Synchronicity is telling me it's time to move on. Wife don't, won't get it. I allow that. This is part of my path, contrast. So be it. I trust the synchronicity. It's not that I am in control but the paradox is, with vulnerability comes strength.

I don't have to control anything. Everything falls into place by reflection. And I trust this. I know this. It's part of my path. I was relieved that I was getting fired. It's just that I have too much baggage from other people to process that I felt neg about it.

But it's behind me now. I get home sometime mid day and I can resume my play. And this is what it's going to be. I don't know how things will turn out. This is where I am. No need to know how things will turn out. This is where I am and this is what the path opened up to.

And what's next? There's plenty of resources out there to get to that level. I am following that path to see where things lead to. I was able to spot a leak and played differently. If this works at these levels where it's cheap to call, I can use this to get to the levels I am and make good at that.

And this is where I am. I only want her to be happy. I allow her to be in her choice and consequence. This is the contrast I have. I trust that she is getting something good out of it. I can't teach her the ways. She has to be in the same frequency to get it.

She knows where my light is. She only has to make a choice to go there and things will line up for her as well. What's next here for me? I don't know yet. Only that I do this and see what happens on the other side. And I don't know what's going to happen next.

It may seem stupid, but it won't make sense for me to keep doing something that is not me. I'd rather play poker staked than to work eight hours at something I do not enjoy. Besides, working for companies like that where humans are just units of production—that's not me anymore.

Some people get that. I don't. I don't have to fight anything anymore. Only that I be in my light and see where this path leads to. Where to get staked? I don't know yet. It's going to get there eventually. I don't see time frames as I drop expectations when I get them.

I leave at nine. I start at ten something I think. I have time for that. It is ten or something. I don't have to go there. Just get to the other side and see what happens here. And I would have gone on, but my higher self is saying, it's time to move on. And that's where I am going now.

I don't know what's next. I follow the light. I don't know how things will turn out. I could go there or here. For now this is where I am. And I can get a stake later on. It don't have to be a grand one. Only that I do this. How to get that image there?

I don't know yet. I can get my old files from them threads that I replied to looking for stake. That will get me to the other side. And what else is there? I don't know. There are a lot of things that I don't know and it's ok to not know. That is part of the process. That much I know to be true.

And I don't think I want to talk to wife. She will revert back to the dark. But I am not going to lie to her as well. I do what I do and get to the other side. This is where I am right now. I can stay there and do that thing. Or just do what's easy if required. I am not there anymore.

And I had to take a day off yesterday. Not to realign myself to get ready for work. It's more to take time off and see where the path goes. And this I sthe path for me. Hy keep saynig that? It's there for a reson. I can write. No need to write for someone else. Do I want a copywriter job?

I can do my own internet marketing. I can leverage my strengths that way. I have enough to make that ad budget. I can create my own products and get to that other side. Is it better to create a javascript version of that? I think so. And I can do that as well. I can look into that in the coming days.

I am laready at page theree? That is some fast writing. Plenty of downloads happening in my head. When I sleep I meet people and they seem to assist me where I need to go. And I am starting to feel good about myself again. That's important. No need to classify this as a neg. only what I say it is is what I get back.

No need to be someone else as well. This is who I am. It's different out there and things have started to shift. Things are different now. And I write. I do this to get to my other side. Things will come. So how do you play with variance?

Will this work in higher stakes? Play two poker sites? Will there be enough juice in my computer to do so? I think so. I can have them run at the same time and play more that way. I can do twenty tables at ten each site. That will be a good idea there? I think so. I compare and test later. Done.


pics bottom page

It's not really the job, it's the pressure? And that part is also an illusion. Those in the trenches know what it's like. Experts sell the illusion that it is easy. So it's not real then. How to use that? See it for what it is and use up the energy. No expectations.

I am also doing my poker. That's something I would rather do. It keeps me busy and I can do something on the side. I think it has something to do with everything else and the reason I am here is also for a reason. I am using that to move forward then.

Weekends you see a lot of players. There's china. I think that alone can propel you forward. There's plenty of people there that want to play. There's the rest of the world. I think you will see what is good and what is bad. It's just that they are more concentrated in that part of the world. It'll get there if it's relevant for you.

And how do I change things? By reflection. You first change on the inside without conditions or expectations. You choose the light simply because that is who you are. Then you find the contrast. You then shift into that reality experience. The reflection is there all the time. Everything is here and now.

But there is that need to change the outside for me. And see yourself holding that and you let go. You can't let go if you don't see yourself holding it. And I see the difference now.

I have a great life. I have a great wife. She's in the dark sometimes, but that's just my contrast. I have great kids. I have nothing to complain about. I am putting too much energy to the negative. Now I see it I can let go. This is what it's for. This is why it's here.

And I can do something else. I have that crack in the cave and I can see the light. Focus on the light and you be out of that cave. While you are in there, find what's relevant. It's there for a reason. And when you get everything that's there for you, you come out a different person.

You get what i'm saying here? It's a saturday. I can play later on. How to get staked? Quit the job, play fulltime. How soon to get fifty grand? I can do that in a month. How soon to get to that level? I don't know yet. But if I played on my own, how soon do I get there? I don't know yet. You get there when you match that frequency.

I still have to set up my adwords account. I can do that next payday. There be enough sales to cover the upgrades later on. This is how it's all connected. How to clean up that blog? It's all connected though. Should I get a different blog?

Not really. If you pay to maintain, that might cause some problems down the line. Soon as you have it, upgrade that to a ten year plan so you don't have to worry about it. And it's a good brand already. It's been around for more than three years. I think there's enough seo to get traffic on its own. I can make changes to its content later on.

And this is why it's here. This is what it's all about. Should I get a different computer? Not yet. You do that when you get there. I can get another job if I had to. You already know how these things are. Get to the other side and see what happens. I think you get where this is going.

Be in the light. You always have a choice here. It's there to push you going to keep it up. I see the reason for that. Is that going to work this time? I think even the best seller has their ups and downs. I think ther ermoved themselves from the trenches because they can't handle the everyday ups and downs. That is where I can excel. I see that now. And then you can expand on that. Go there now.

Do they make more money? Not really. They make a commission out of it I think. If their team makes good and so they make money out of it. I don't have to go there. If I were bottom dweller then so be it. This is how things are. I don't have to convert anyone. I can only convert myself.

This is the start of a new week. People do searches. I can create something all the time. I get home I can write something up for an hour. I can do that. Then play. But I can do better if I had time to myself. Not really. You already know the answer to that. And what else is there?

You can go back to that place and meet people. I can do that as well. And is there something else here? You can do direct marketing. That is another option for me. I can check things out later and see what happens. For now, this is where I am.

I can do that? I think so. I have two businesses that can do that. I can get clients that way? Of course. If others can do it, why can't you? Once you get that, you have all the answers you will ever need. See where that path leads to.

Is it about the money? If you put it that way, then it is. But people do not have ad brlockers. Some don't use them or don;t know how to use them. I think you know where this is going. So get in the light each time and you will see where this is going. They have capital but have shit about what marketing is about. Sales is different. Sales is easy when marketing is done its job. Has done its job. They go there to buy. You just process the transaction.