situation with control

I made good this morning. Rather, I feel good about my game this time. Afternoons, I feel neg about it. Maybe it's because I am overload on playing poker and need a longer break for the day. I will journal these things and see how these goes.

I played 2NL this morning. My win-rate was at breakeven last night so I decided to go down for the session and see if it was a systemic misalignment or something else. I think it was something else. I wasn't taking the time to putting other players on a range and looking at their line of action.

This time, I took the time to see into that and was making good plays and good decisions. There were a few instances where the opponent was, I thought bluffing and I was right. There were other instances where I was folding. I am going to look more into playing that situation better. The bull cap from pokerstars hasn't arrived yet. It usually takes longer coming from them, about eight weeks to ten.

I will attend to that thing on monday. As much as you can, delay, take some days to delay, then take action. I am going to take the tests later today for the driver's license. What else is there? I will take a break from play for now, write morning pages, then resume play in an hour. I ran this morning. There was no sweat sessions scheduled so I decided to go.

I had carbs last night. I was upset about it, negative about it is the right word and it showed in my game play. Mornings it feels blank and play well. I got up this morning and insight said that state of being is in the heart. That there is a connection tehre. Friend said that the heart leads and the brain follows. I think it's connected to that. Local me will look into that some more. For now, it feels right that way.

When I make one big blind per session on average, then that's a good clip going up statkes. The other staker said three months and the players were at 100NL. I think that's possible. That's how much bi you need to play in that level. I have a stake. I can go there when I consistently show positive results.

I was going to say good results but it's not always good as good is like putting judgement on what is. Positive allows for losses here and there and that is part of the process. So the name of the game is to make good decisions. I don't know if opponent ron had two pairs, but he folded when I went all in. I did so in case he had something better than my hand. Maybe not as he folded.

And I am analyzing things too much in my head. Only enjoy the process. The three daughters are in school today. They have full day today. We grocery tomorrow. Two of my kids are gamers. I removed win8 last night but couldn't install seves. I will look into that. I think it has something to do with the drivers. But how do you install drivers to that.

Let's see if vian can use ubuntu at school. I don't think it's going to be a problem. She uses that better than anyone else. That notebook is going to be a hacker notebook if she can't use it. I can definitely use it. Soon as I move up to 100NL then things are starting to happen and expand.

It already is. It's just that I am in a different frequency so I don't see it. Everything is here and now. I will play another set later, then have bbrunch. It has to be at noon as I had carbs last night .i do so once every week now? I do. And I am still losing weight. I am going to tighten up a bit on that though not make that a habit.

You only need to see the choices that you make. Soon as you are aware, then you take responsibility for the choices. That's what is important here. And I don't care anymore what the wife thinks. I don't think she has the nuts here. I have good experience in poker. I had success before such that other people are staking my ganes. That's a good sign. I had four inquiries and that is a good sign there.

I am going to do more of this. Is this the nuts? This business can scale. I can easily move up stake levels soon as I have enough sample. It can happpen sooner. I have coaching to improve my game. I am part of a team. I can play live poker when I get there.

Getting a job, it is good at the beginning specially if there's pain like that. But long term, I am not happy doing that. The cash flow will hit a plateau. The kids, all four of them need braces. Getting a job will somewhat probably get them all braced up, but it will be tight.

Playing poker, I will get there sooner at 100nl. It'll be like having a regular job. Then I move up stakes and get better as well improving my win-rate and that's how these will scale up. There's also the supernova elite to gun for. I am still in contention for that.

I have a stake. That one thing is the most strongest reason for staying put. April 15 can happen but there will be options. I can move. I have a stake so maybe I can get help with that. And then I am going to move up stake levels by being consistent. I can do that.

I now move up on my next session to 5nl. That will speed up the fpps when I play. This is another part here. This is why I think or guess rather that I have the nuts and wife doesn't. She's gone all in on second pair. I don't think that is a good proprosition there. She can get sucked out on anytime and she'll be back in square one.

And that's the nature of it. I'm not saying that her opinion is bad. I just think that she doesn't have all the information to make a good decision. Her thoughts are one sided. I am not invalidating her thinking. It's just that I have experience in this side of the fence. She doesn't. I used to work at a job and thought that it's not going to work out, not with the bucket list that I have.

I saw that coming...that my higher self will make it easy for me to move, shift into my light. And it happened sooner than I thought. Maybe it's because they don't want me to make another draw and go all in on that job. And that's why I was happy about it inside. There was anxiety there, but soon as I saw alignment, I was content and can let go of the anxiety. Have I let go really?

Yes. I am gung ho and all in on paker. Am I? Yes. I don't care that wife doesn't talk to me anymore. It's fine with me. I have learned much in my play. I am getting better and better all the time...every moment. My kids can do this when they are older. I can teach them this when they get interested. Their choices are more compared to just getting a job.

I think the kids will appreciate that. Their source code has to be open source. If not, it's going to be a different reflection for them. But then again, they have me. They can see the examples that I live. I don't have to preach to them. They can see it right there. No need for faith. Faith is going all in on a draw or having second pair. It is more likely that you won't get your hit on the river.

Then what is the path here? Be in my own light. No need to convert anyone else. I wonder if the people I was trying to help, if they started in 2012 and kept at it and getting better, how would they be today? If they got themselves a stake, they could be better than I am today. It is possible. But their source code are different than mine. I am pagan. I am open source.

They are more prop software. The dev is limited. It's like windows 8. it looks fancy, but soon as you start using it, it doesn't work. Better to get linux. The interface looks primitive but it doesn't get in your way. It is a tool to let you expand. It is not going to limit you other than what you don't want to learn.

When you face a wall, it's telling you to consider other path, other choices that are available to you. When you do so, you see more choices. If that's something my kids will pick up from me, then my work here is done. For now, I am living this example. I am here. Maybe I can put up a chart of some sort and update that every week. That way, the wife can feel easy about it.

I think we have colored ink. I can print out once a week and that will be a good motivation for me. Once a week on fridays is good. That way, on weekends when she has time to be home, she will see and might ask about it. And then I can show her some examples.