when, not if

I am still having anxiety with my game. Maybe I am playing way too many tables. But when I play with less and think things through, I still get anxiety. Maybe it's the expectation. Maybe I want to see results and want to keep this stake rather than simply having fun with it.

It may be true that I am still going through a dry spell and that I am mechanical about my game. If that were so, then I need to lessen the tables and get that automatic. Or do many, ten tables, but pause often when I get a big hand or get played back. At times you just have to fold, more so when you have nothing. And then go with that four barrel thing.

I think that is the thing there. If I can four barrel with the hand, then I can cbet on the flop. If not, then I check and get a free hand. This fly is training to pay attention. When, not if. If is conditional...when is shifting. When you get that, then you change into something else. Everything changes. I think that session was a free session.

You get more of them free sessions then. That be the goal. When you have a down session and you played well, or not or spewed on the table, then it is still a tuition as you learned something. I learned something new today. Not if, when. That way, you shift easy and without conditions.

That was part. And I had shallow sleep last night. Why was that? I think I was able to sleep, then woke up. It was still shallow. Or I kept waking up. I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the anxiety. I want to know how I am doing here. And the people are all grinding on the tables.

At these levels, people still call a lot, specially top pair. That guy I showdown a set, midset, he had two pairs. I think that was decent, but when you get triple barrels like that, I don't showdown big hands. I might fold it and see what happens. He was cold calling me and that got me concerned for a while there.

I do that at times when I have the nuts. If he had that nuts and that happened, it is still a big hand and I make the pot big. Nothing wrong there. These things happen and you gotta be ok with that. Otherwise, it's going to happen a lot.

Who turned on the computer last night. Next session is that driving test. I do another one and see how things go. It's like poker. When you get the hand, you play it the way it's supposed to be played. Play your a-game. No expectation for the outcome. You play a-game and that is your expectation there.

There be plenty of lessons here when I write. The insights come out on paper. I changed the close this table button. I kept hitting it when I am not supposed to. I moved the lobby close to the keyboard so I don't hit that as well. The session is over and that I can let go of the gamepad. So the up arrow is now free. What can I use that for?

Nothing for now. The different bets are on my keyboard and that will do for now. The poker client is off anyway. These bet hotkeys only work with the client. Even when I leave the script running, nothing is going to happen.

Wife is still sleeping. I don't feel like having sex right now. Maybe later. They have skype with her mom later. Her tablet is with my son. These dynamics in the house, you gotta let them. They are there for a reason. Maybe not yours, but let them be and see how things fall into place.

So how do you deal with this then? I don't know. You'll know when the timing is right. The timing is right when you know. When both are not present, then it's not. And you are ok with that? Yes. How to go from here? I can make breakfast. I wonder what wife is going to make. The bankroll is still sound and healthy. I think I can make longer sessions. That's also the next step here. Do I go for more hands and breakeven? I think the next step is to put villain on a range.

That is a tool I will use when I move up range. I can watch poker videos on my free time. Watch one per day. One session per day. Learn one thing that I can use in my game. It's like vim. You don't have to memorize all the shortcuts. You only learn one thing and use that everyday. Or week.

There's less flies here that that other house. That one had a lot. Where was that coming from. And why the fly here. Maybe it has nothing to eat. The cat is not here yet. Maybe he has a new home. That's what happens when your kids are grown up. They move out but come to visit on their free time. And I can still play poker then. And that be fine when you play. And see what happens there.

So what's next? That grandpa was still playing poker. I think he knew what he had. But that was on the river. So be it. And can you see other things in here? I think so. Is that gambling? If you don't see the math there. But is there math in horse racing? If you are deep into that, then you see the analytics as math.

If you hold a job, that too is gambling. You go all in on one employer. When you lose your job you lose everything. With poker, I can have a stake or none. What you need is your bankroll. I can grow that or not. I should focus on fr with that other account. I can do that later on then.

Is there spyware on this machine? Or try not to use that anymore. I can do that. And what else is there? I don't know. Only do this and get to the other side. I think it shows that money was transferred and he is using it. And is that possible in here. There is something to learn there. At least require him to use another computer when playing. That way, you can do something else.

I see. And what things are going to happen now? I don't know. Everything is possible. That way, you can do something else in the meantime. Like what? I don't know yet. I think she will use her tablet for skype. It has a bigger screen. She can do it that way.

What is for breakfast? We have burgers. There be chickens. We might have late breakfast or brunch. That be fine. She goes to work later. I wonder when we get the new episode? I did not see them in the forum. Maybe there is nothing there yet. Do they come out every two weeks?

That is something different. I go in here more often now. I haven't been programming since the stake. Go do that on your free time. At least one hour a day. That be more that enough to learn something new. That is part of the curricullum now.

I can do that. And this be the last paragraph. I can close my eyes as I wire. This is what practie is doing. You don't have to look at the keys anymore. And you don't have to push it in. it's there already. He knows what happened and I am sure looking back he'd do differently. And that's the point.