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I am bankrolled for less than twenty tables? I lost a stack and next table opened I was asked how much to deposit. Was that something I could have avoided? Probably. Maybe not. It's variance. Maybe twenty is too much so I use that as part of my process.




That hurts. And I have these concerns in my head. Local me wants to find how to fix this when it's not for that purpose. Local me is to only see contrast and feedback. It's not made to figure out how things will happen. I see the options in front of me and pick the one that is relevant and in alignment with who I am at that moment.

Every moment is different. If wife was more responsible then I could have closed that one account easy. But she isn't. And she keeps on barreling. How is this my responsibility? It's in my reflection. How can I best use this? Not best, but relevant as to how I can use this. How then?

See thet contrast and use the contrast moving forward. It's like swimming and you use the wall to push against to propel you. It's not pushing against as in fighting the wall to get your way. It's using it to propel you to where you need to go.

And I sometimes don't get it this way. At least I am going in with big hands for those situations. How come I did not see that? It's part of the equation here. Maybe I need to take a break here. Maybe I should. Do I run now? My headphones stink. I can do learn dlang on linux. That makes things easy. I can take that break and get playing again later.




And what is this contrast so I can use it? I don't know yet. One of the options is to borrow money from a friend from a long time ago. It's kinda steep but it will get me going again. I don't know how, but you can do so when you get to that other side.

Always be truthful with him. You left on a good note back then. It's there for a reason. Use it. I will then. Monday is a diversion. If that works, then we will see how things go. If not, then I can do something else.

I'm not sure it will, but maybe there is something there that I can do. It's been like this for a while now but things are different now. I have an uptrend on this side. Take a break for now. Minus two tables and I have enough for that. I think I was doing ten tables and it has gone up from there. Should I do something else now? Is that job part of the process? It's there. Use it then.

This is page two. I will do dlang after I post this. I can do an hour or two on that. Where is that going? I can do a poker tracking software with that. It will take time. I can also do a system of tools I can use for playing. There be resources out there. I can learn that in the next twelve months. Finish the book then practice on dailyprogrammer.




It's the practice that matters more. I learn better from doing. It's the reflection. How is doing a reflection? It is experience and that is the only thing that's real. So it's reflection and experience? Or slash on that. It's the same thing somewhat but local me can't put a grasp around it. So be it for now.

I play later. For now, I only do this. Wife is still in shutdown mode. So be it. We can choose to move forward on this. I wonder why she chooses to be in that cave of hers. Maybe that's how she deals with things. Kids are concerned about her. They know she is in the dark. And am I being irresponsible here?

It is harder to start a business. I have to tighten my belt. Getting a job is easy but long term, you are not really building value there. An employee won't get that. They think, ok...wife don't get that. She has been a habitual emplayee all her life. If cash flow were a drug, she is used to getting a salary. It's what she has been doing all her life.

She thought that the taxi business was making money because there was cash flow there even if it were negative cash flow. To her, cash flow is cash flow even if it's negative. I would rather tighten up for a year that do something like that. I am all in on my business now.




So move that forward and take that step what's stopping you? A no. it happened before. At least you know it's not where it's supposed to be. I have a line that might work, but will it get me the total I need to work with? I think so. Maybe I can make a counter offer? Like something to get it off my back.

I can do that. Offer half of that as payment and if they take it then that's done and I am moving forward with it. I helped them out, how come she can't won't help me out? Is it the non-closure we've had? Maybe. Then I can move forward from there. She did not even replied to that.

Maybe it's not her that can help you. So be it then. But I develop friendship that way. So be it then. I don't like enjoy borrowing money. This time though, I know how to cross that street. How to get there then? I can claim that I have this remaining in my account and I can have that as payment to close it.

I can do that as well. We'll see what happens. I can give them a call on monday and see what happens. A third might do and I can close it on that. It's a department in there. I can go there and see what happens. If they say yes then that's a victory there. If not, then I can do something else.

I am dwelling on that and putting emotions to it. I can write that email today after I finish this. I am not moving forward on that energy. Action grounds everything. And that be what I am doing here and now. I think it is possible. I can see where this is going from here.

And what other options have I got? It's a weekend. It's more likely that he can be online. We will see. They have moved around and I can get a reply sooner. And what else is there? I don't know yet. Only that I need to get to the other side. Is this where things are headed.

I don't know. I only know what is immediately in front. I touch that to see if it works. If it doesn't, then I can check something else. The other option is to go for part time work. I can do four hours then go full time getting to supernova elite. That is the intention here.

What else is there? I don't know yet. For now, I finish writing. There are part time work out there. You just need to get out more often. And I can see that. I can go there browns bay and check things out. I can do that with my resume and spend time getting to that option.

I can do that. It's in my path. Maybe synchronicity is telling me to go this way.