I am doubting myself. I am playing breakeven. Is it the method or is it mental? I can't see objectively. How does it feel when you play? This last session I cut short. There were too many agros on the tables. Is it because of the stake level? That it's so cheap to call? And that I am not getting good hands?
Is it luck then? That you are not getting good hands? I can't use that excuse. What can I do differently then? Play well. No outcome or expectations. Only play the hand you have no matter what. If you lose this session, then so be it.
I can start another one tomorrow morning. Right now, it doesn't feel right. Do something else for now. Watch that 12 monkeys. That has potential there. And hat else can I do here? I don't know yet. Only that I am here and that I do this for now. I write and we have a beautiful moon tonight. All the kids are here. School is officially started and ongoing.
What else is there? I don't know yet. Did captain america lose there? I don't know. But I thitnk this one is a movie and not the tv series. I don't think I want to see this. There's too many things in the row. What can I do then? Only here and now. Right now I am writing. Do I run tomorrow? I make the kids' food. If I run, I gotta go early. How early?
Kids leave at eight. I gotta finish everything at seven thirty. I run at six I can finish at seven. So be it then. I get up at five thirty then. That gives me enough time to run and do an hour of that. I get back then I do them chores and get the kids ready for school.
I do three pages. I don't want to play right now. Are them regs? I don't know. I feel like I don't know what I am doing here. What else can I do here? I am going to play these folks all the way up. If I don't adjust, when I don't shift, then I am not going to go up levels.
What do I do here? Ask for guidance. Listen for guidance. No expectaitions, just play. And you will see the results you seek. And then you get to the other side. This is all you have in here. And that guy is second fiddle. I think he once had a series but that did not fare well.
And then it is bed time soon. When do I go to bed? I don't know yet. I do this and see what happens later on. Did I not play well yesterday? I think I did in my own account, or something. But it felt good yesterday. Maybe I did. Or maybe there were other players there. Kids are getting ready for bed now.
I also need to change the plugs for the cables. No expectation. When you see them, look at the source code. See what is there and align everything. No conditions. Only be in that state of being that you prefer. Am I playing to many tables? I don't know. Who watches them there. Are there too many agros in those tables? Maybe I should filter for table selection. I can do that. There are many tables anyway. If it's too high then you might want to tone them down a bit.
There was a time when I felt good at this level. That I am top notch there. You are playing against. That is why you have neg reflection. Ply in the positive. Play your way and no conditions. How to do that?
See the ball, hit the ball. If it's not there, then you do not play. If you get set over set or get coolered, then so be it. You played your hand. So be it then. And I gotta make changes to them muck hands to display for only five secs or less. They take up resources anyway.
This is page two. I will post these when I finish. What else is there for me to do here? I odn't know. I can update the wife as to how I am doing here. I can do that. That way, she is involved in the process. Is it mornings? What is different then? More players? It's the same players. What else is there?
I am fresh. I am positive. I do things differently? Not really .i play the same way. Maybe I took more time per hand. I still do that. The moment I see the nuts, or a situation, I pause all tables and zoom in. I do that often so I am not...not all 16 tables are active anyway. And that's what I am doing right now.
And what else do I do about this? Enjoy the process. No expectations. Only play. See the ball, hit the ball. That's what you do. ok. That is going to be my mantra from now on. Anything else? I think I have that there. No expectations. No more going back for outcome. See the ball, hit the ball means if there's agro on my left, I move from that table. Do I wait for something else?
I can sit out next bb. That way, I am connected to flow. I don't really know what is going to happen next. But I am down and this is my process here. Cut the expectation. That is causing you negs and contrast. Although contrast is good. That tells you where you are in the path.
So contrast is good. Use it. And I write about it. What is it about contrast then? Maybe this is the voice I have do something else in the meantime. That's a nice ad. They make good ads but are they making money? I think so. People buy cars anyway. It's not in my reflection now. It's contrast. How to use the energy?
Use it for what it is. I have one more page after this. And that series has been going on for a long time now. It is getting late. Are they going to bed? I think daughter is doing her homework. I am of not much use here. And there I go again. What is the source code here? That I am a nobody without money? I think that is the source code. I am responding to it with my state of being.
What can I do there? Use it up and see what happens. The cat is here. He calls his human. And then see what happens. Is my son sick or is he paranoid about pain? I don't know. You can't discount their voice. Listen to them and see if things get worse or conditions do not improve. Then they go see the doctor.
And what else can I do there? I don't know yet. All I know is that I am here and that this is what I am doing here. What else is there? I don't know yet. All I see is that this is where I am and then I can do something else. For now, I do this. And they are still fighting there for a while. What else is there to do?
Get to the other side and see what happens. I can tune out as I write and listen to them words. And then what? I don't know. Keep writing. No outcome only the process. See the ball hit the ball. That's all I do here. Do I do another session? That be nice. Let's finish this up and see what we can do later.
Maybe too many tables that I play? Maybe so. Go back to ten tables. But I pause them anyway. I don't know. What does your excitement tell you? That I can do them tables and pause when needed. That's why I have this setup. ok. Do that then. If it makes you interested, then go do it. If not, then do something else instead.
That's what a bass guitar can do for you. I connected with some people back then. And that's ok. You gained fro the experience. And then what? That is all about them guitars. I can do that. And then the kids can do that as well.
But this is what's here and now. If that don't happen, then do something else instead. I was interested with that for a while. I think it's gone now. It was that lady on youtube that got me connected. I think it was something I had to go through.
Do you consider shoving? Only if you have good range. If not, then do something else. That is high variance play. Do something else and you will see what happens. Do you want to go there? I don't know. It is interesting you know. And you don't have to play that all the time.
I think I am past half way. I can post these, then take another break. I can stay up until wife gets home. That is like an hour from now. Last night was a good session there. I did fifteen. What is different then? I don't know. It's still tehre. Only you are different. So be it then.
Let's test it and see what happens. Do you want to be in a band? Not really that's more people to deal with. I think I don't have the socials for that. But that is a definition.