more than enough

Woke up this morning with negative feeling. In the dream, I was fighting someone,something an entity. I remember throwing a punch and hit air. I woke up. I was upset with the wife last night. She would rather finish a crap movie than come to bed with me. In the morning she complains about it. This is her 24 christmas tradition.

It don't make sense, it's too challenging going into that crowd, but she enjoys doing it. I don't mind if she goes through that, but I would rather just sit on the side, ride my bike going there and watch the craziness of people shopping. She don't get that.

It breaks her expectations and lashes out on me that way. I have learned to just say fuck it. Next week is the last in class. Fiona don't get back until the middle of january. That's when I start communicating and exploring possibilites. In the meantime, I am back to my lessons. I may be broke for a few weeks, but soon as I get the momentum going, it's all downstream for me--at least by reflection.

Is that what you want? Yes. Running my own business and on the internet. I don't have to make anything. All I need to do is be in the light at all times. I can create an app, then sell it. Or be an outsource provider for these apps for people who can't make them. I can finish a tutorial in one day. In one week, that's seven.

I can do one tutorial a week even. It's still a lot and will go through the library in a year. Still that's plenty for you. There's abundance if you want it. I don't have to go to old school. This is the new stuff. What can you make outo f it?

I don't even have to go through them tutorials. I can do the book instead. What's happening to me there. I was in despair when I got up. What can I do about it? Be in the light. Check under the hood. I feel like things are taken away from me. This is a definition. You can choose to redefine things and put everything in alighnment. I am minifying.

I am letting go of things that do not matter to me anymore. That bike would be gone the next day if that were in the philippines. Same with ours. People are walking around all the time. That's their job. I see that. I don't have to go in there. It is her 'tradition' to get a job. I don't have to get in that car.

What then do you do. She expects something from you. I don't even have to match her expectations. I can go on my own. I don't have to be in that car with her. Do you see the difference?

This is where I am. Everything here is relevant for me. I can do my thing from now on. I don't even have to go there other than to submit my project. The last day is on wednesday. I show up then. At least I did what needs to be done there. Do I have to do something else?

I don't have to. Programmers, we don't create things from scratch. There's always something there. I don't even have to go there. I can and will learn what I need to learn when I need it. He was insisting with this kid that he do things his way and he will pass. I don't learn that way. I am fighting it.

I am staying home today and run my business from here. I am outsource provider for android app development. Not everyone can go there. The competition is online. That's a given. There's risk there. If you don't want to go there, then you have a solution here.

I have started using an ide. It's easier and it gets the job done. Learning it is also a path. I am doing that. It gets there all the time. I don't have to use vim all the time anyway. It's here and I will move forward with this. And then I can finish that library. That's an expectation right there.

I havet' been to takapuna by bike in a while. I can go there today. I can walk and put the bike in smales. Or do something else. I will walk later anyway. I ride the bike, then do yoga in the evening. Or do something else. In the meantime, this is where I am.

There is chicken curry. The wife made it last night but the kids don't want that anymore. I can get them noodles to make for dinner. Then they have another one for the following day. That crosses the bridge from where I am. I don't have to go in there. I have to work to get some. I don't agree with that. I am into something else instead.

How do you know it works? I don't know. Everything is by reflection. Did she have to do it that way? I don't know. I chose thi anyway. I could have gone someplace else. I could have looked into that instead. But this is the path I am in. I learned something here.