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going back just

I can listen to background music while writing, or not. This is quiet moment for me, sacred moment. I choose to keep things quiet so I can tune in better.




Daughter did not come home last night. She did text me about it, but did not tell me in the morning. I knew felt something was off. I guess she was upset about the argument the day before. That's part of the process. Let her be. Give her that space.

I don't have to know how this is going to turn out. That is for my higher self. All I need is what's relevant for this moment. For now, it's watching the market for signals and finishing the tutorial—be in the moment. This is the process right here and now.

How are you sure it's that way? Am not. It's what interests me this time. That is good enough as a signal. If she don't want to be here, then that's ok with me. I see the contrast and use the feedback. I learn something from the experience. Things can go this way or that. This is that.




If so, I can choose to sit this through. Not be passive, but to make myself comfortable as I process the energy through me. This is what it means to sit. And I am in sit mode from now on. For now at least, until we see the energy changing.

A lot has happened this week. I guess it has been simmering for several months now. This is where it came to a boil. I get it. This is consequence? It could be. Or it could be, can be a part of the process, if you choose to make it so.

I water the plants after this. Is price going to go sideways from here? It's not customary for this pair to do so, but it does, that tells me market is on to something. Volatility is drying up. Is it going to explode in a direction? I don't know. Right now, it's playing with the 100. let's see how it trades around that level. It is key level as well. I think it looks bearish. It hasn't given a bullish signal yet so do nothing.




This is page one still. Plenty on my plate. The sun is out. I can go run this morning. I have yoga. I prefer yoga in mornings as this be fun this way. Why the need to kick the other one out? Why not stay together. What is there to hide?

I don't know. Her sister is fun to be with. She is smart and also has a good sense of humor. I guess it's just negative ego that goes in there. She treats others the way she treats herself. This is how I am myself. No need to go there. I can choose that, but it's not me. This thing is going nowhere.

Close it down when it goes south. Or not. It don't matter much. I can change the autocorrect sequence. The machine can run. I can create that algo. How do you do that. I can reverse that. Start with the algo, then make edits to make it work with data. That is a better alternative for me.




Where do you find that? If you did a search for it, you will find it. Third daughter comes home late. So be it. It's their decision. They are old enough. They can choose to do so or not. I care, but I love them enough to allow them their own space. I think this is part of my path as well.

It wasn't like I expected it to be. I am in that point where this is the future when I was a kid. You got 'there' but it's still here. Everything references to everything else. You put them there. You can choose to make changes to it, or not. It's still up to you.

How to go from here. Keep to your light. Everything is connected trust the synchronicity. I am getting hungry. I do an hour of the video then I do yoga. Then I do breakfast. This is my path for now. Let's see how things go from here. How to trade this?




Let the market tell you when to get out. Or not. See how it goes. You have good judgement here. It's about how you manage your trades. Capital is tied up to that. Manage your trades, positions. That is what this is about. It's not about entry or exit. That is level one.

You see where you were before. You have much chart time with you that you have an idea as to how it can go. You don't know either. That is the paradox. Once you attach too much to it, you lose the big picture. Let it be there for you. Use the energy.

Writing is part of the energy. This is how I tune in. I removed php again. Last night I was thinking of going back just to get a job. It's not me anymore. I don't get excited about it. Pentesting is my business now.


you deal with

Kids—they don't get what it's like to just have peace of mind. It's one of the, probably the most priceless thing to have in this life. How can you be sure?




I gave up lots just to have peace of mind. You can't teach that to anyone. Only those who have been through hell and back knows its value. Now at times I lose awareness of it. It's there for you all the time. Will I be able to wait up for wife? I had my nap already. Is there a better font for this?

Is this better? For now, that'll do pig. I have tons in my head. I don't think i'm behind. I just don't have a portfolio. It's not here because it's not relevant then. When you see it's relevant then it's going to be there. Maybe I can get a recommendation or something. I did not work for money this time.

I think he can email and scan me one but that might take time and they might forget. I'll get to it tomorrow, stat building up my portfolio. I do that not to get a job, but for my business. What is this kid doing here. What are all those folders? What's he up to? I don't know. Is that connected?




I better check up on that. Does he know what he is doing? I hope so. His pc isn't working? I don't know. I am in no position to make that judgement call. Plenty of indians in there. If getting a job was a priority, then I can get one pronto.

It's going to break my diet. What else can we do here? What is this kid doing? He downloads a lot of them. He can't do that at home? There's something odd about this kid. What is it? I don't know. But to spend time sleeping over with us, there's something different about it.

I'd help if when I can. This time, I don't know. This headset is sweating up my ears. I can clean this later when I do the dishes. For now, only do this. I have a lot of baggage here. What can I do about it? Start getting active again. Am I not active enougH^




I don't feel like writing. Spotify seems to have improved some after making config changes in firefox. The startup is still slow, but it's because I have a number of addons running in the back. I can remove all of them then have them install after a full boot. There should be a script for that.

Will that make things better? You don't use them after a few seconds running anyway. I am getting bored writing. It gets too hot in the ear. I do the dishes. I am tired. Do I have a weak heart? I am just tired of the rain. It might rain again tomorrow. I need a bigger trash bag.

What to do tomorrow? I can go on togs. Or do something else. That trip home wasn't good. I do not prefer that. I was tired and hungry and wanted to get home. Then at home there is no peace. I can't not make it go away. They have to go through that process. This is baggage for me. What to do about it?




I don't know. Allow it to be there, but choose how you respond to it. I can't change much as it's their stuff. Her plant is dying. Get another one. She won't. She wants to punish her sister. She chooses conflict. That is negative ego. That shows me where that is. It's not in the light for me. I am not getting into that.

Does that mean you side with the oppressor. It's not that way. It's her choice. She don't have to fight the oppressor. Its's going to sit in there anyway. It's her universe. I live in a different universe. The bedroom is empty. I did not have coffee this time. I don't feel like going today. Maybe I can go hang out with a different group.

That is something to consider right there. If not, I can ask if there be something else I can do. I don't think he should change his copy. I think he will revert back a lot of them. It wasn't right for that guy to tell him how to run his business. He is not an expert anyway. He is positioned as a dev and he wasn't doing dev work anyway.




How do you deal with that then? I don't know. It's their process. Plus that other guy is boring. He just wants to talk to someone. He won't let his child play minecraft. He don't even get the game. He don't understand it. Why is this guy downloading stuff. How does he get them transferred.

I think he knows how it's done. Sad that this kid is like that. I can reinstall later. Is that going to affect my network? Should I rather focus on my business? If they are in that process, then I can help them. If not, when not, there is nothing I can do. They know hey can get into that as well. They know that very well.

You don't have to get into that. It's your party anyway. I don't want to spend as much time in there. I was doing nothing. What's going to happen now? Bring your books. Use that time to learn something instead. I don't want the food. What to do about that? Bring my own?

I can not show up tomorrow. Or do something else. Leave early if you have to. There's not much to do anyway. I think they are almost finished with it. I can move around freely if I have to. What else is there to do. I don't know. I am big now. Time to change things aronud.
Like how?


we shall see

I am what I was anxious about...parent with lost sheep. She's not really lost. She just did not meet expectations. The thing is, I shouldn't have expectations in the first place. Let me sit on this for now.




I don't know how to deal with this. Was I too lax? Was the wife right? Is she going to get out of control now? I don't want to have to guard everything in here. Is she still getting a laptop? She has to get a job. She can't just sit in there doing nothing.

What about the rest of the family? Is this going to break everything? I hope not. Well, if it's going to break, then so be it. I will sit on this and see it through. Sit not meaning do nothing about it. Sit means I will make myself in a comfortable position so I can deal with it best.




What's the best way here? I don't know. For now, it's no internet until her grades get better. Or she gets a job. No job, no internet. What else? She has more time in her hands. Do I need to pass away so she will learn how to stand up? I don't think so. There are other siblings.

I guess it is going that way? There is a different path? Treat her like family still but there be restrictions until she gets mature enough. She is done with that part of the equation. Is it normal that she went through that. Now I am not interested in nudes anymore. I feel like I wasted time there. Did I?




Is this the consequence of my decisions? It is. It's all mine. Where should I have stepped in? I don't know. I should have been more involved? I guess so. I have two other teenagers. What happens next? Can she internet in the living room? I don't know. Can she? Of course she can. No uploads though. I am going to get that cable?

How else can she make uploads? Bluetooth? You can't really block that. She don't need the internet. Not yet. Not now. She did not want my intervention? I guess so. Was it my fault then? It is. It's all connected anyway. What now? Be in the light at all times. Everything happens for a reason.




It's going to be tough now. Is it? I thought we could be that family that was positive in all ways. Isn't this an opportunity to respond in a positive way? It's always an open invitation. You can choose in alignment or not. I don't know what's going to happen next. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Choose the best decision at all times. Choose in alignment.

Will it get to that? I don't know. Right now, it's not. Everything is in conflict. I cannot change them, I can only change myself. This is acceleration. What now? Just be in this moment. If you cannot be pleased with yourself, at least point downstream. You don't have to fight everything.




Will I be here? I don't know. Is this a situation for her to learn about her powers? I don't know. She has them. It's up to her to choose not to go to school. When she learns that, what then.

I am starting to tear up. I am having a conversation with my daughter. She has been patient. She thinks good. I see that. Am I the one to bring balance to the force? Everyone is. It's everyone's job. You know how to do that anyway. How do you apply that to this situation?




Be in the moment. Is this how all my kids are going to be? That's sad. Why not let them be? She has disappeared from the roster. It's like she's not there anyway. So be it then. So be it. Do I have to be firm with her? Just be open. Ask her how things are going to go forward.

I don't think she can go online again. Not in this term at least. There's two months remaining in this term. If the guy is in love with her, then two months he'd still be there. I don't think he'll be there though.




We'll see then. Just be open in the moment. Grades? She can work on that. If she was smart, she'll make better grades than her sister. I don't want passing grades. She's not doing anything anyway. She has to excel at something. She has a choice. I want her at awards? That's for the end of the year.

That's when she'll get internet on her phone then. In the meantime, get better grades. Excel at something in school. It has to be the highest grade possible in that category or that is not excel. Is it unreasonable?

She has to put effort into it.


that sounds interesting

It has been a stressful, challenging 24-hours for me. There was sleep in between stress points. I am adapting. I think I am allowing as well. This helps me adjust to the energy frequency.




I cleaned the car from the tap upstairs sink. It was a good workout. I do these things when I need to process things in my head. That helped me get over the hump. I'd like to talk more but it's not for this. I am past this already, water under the bridge.

These kids have gone past beyond poptropica. How time flies. Now they are into relationships. What I saw this morning shocked me. It's gone now. The local mind keeps going back to process it, but it is water under the bridge. What did I gain from all this? That kids have grown up now. I have one more and he is growing up fast.




I spend time with him yesterday. He is interesting. He has a lot of ideas in his head. I reformatted three gadgets this morning. The hp is now running on manjaro. I think that's good enough for now to program in. the hard drive in that now has more than enough memory. How did win$ get to occupy so much and still not be effective?

I will run clamav on the hdd later on. For now, everything is here. Wife is out. I get her around midnight. This way, I have more time for myself. Old friend from perth made contact. He is still trading and is now looking into eas. I wonder if he is still making money.




Did I teach him? Not at all. I did show him much on how I trade. I wonder if he still has his stuff in there working. For now, only do this. Will I ever install skype into this? I don't know. The connection is slower. My son hav mic in his thing. The mic on this is weak. I need a support on that.

Maybe I can get something from amazon to get me over that hump. I forgot how much we worked with those things. For now, only do this. I don't think I want to work with that. This is where I am anyway. I don't think I want to go there. I repeated myself there. Keep writing. Better with the eyes closed. The bus yesterday went all over the place.




I wonder if there was another trip. It was a struggle for me. I was upset. My kid was also upset. That made things challenging for me. I learned much from there. It was a long day. Did I fall asleep sooner? I don't know. Wife fell asleep immediately. Did he just poop in the toilet? Should I clean today? Not yet. Do that tomorrow.

There is another batch of laundry to do tomorrow. The kids are going to church. Also need to get some towels cleaned. But they put one in every day. Let the kids decide on that. For now, only write and get to the other side.




What do I do here? Just write. This is where I am. These kids are growing up and I get worried. It's the same with your parents. They were in the same boat. They were afraid of the government back then. It's different with my situation. I see that. Never cross the same river twice.

What is similar is that it's all connected. What to do now. Is there a gadget in there for them to work through? I don't think so. It's manjaro. They can communicate through gmail. I am not taking that away from them. How do you create such a game?




It's javascript. It has something to do with mouse and keyboard. It's quiet outside. I don't listen much to my music anymore. It gets old listening to that everyday. Maybe I can build my own playlist and create a web app for that. Then you can make one in android then use that for private.

That sounds interesting. How soon do you get there? I don't know yet for now, I can move the xdd anywhere as there is nothing running off htat. This other laptop is challenging to run the usb installer. It doesn't recognize it when boot. How to fix it? Xubuntu installer seems to work. Maybe it's how things are sturctured.




Keep that as is. You can leave that on as a win$ machine. Use the others as is. There's three machines on linux anyway. I can leave it at that. Are we going back to raiderz? Keep this as is. There is steam in that pc anyway. They can go play in there now. It's different now. She can buy her own machine if she works for it. That will keep her busy.

If she really wanted to connect, she will work through it. If he cares for her, then there's a means through that. What's going to happen now? I don't know yet. Leave it as is. Is there a different device in here? I don't know. Check what else is in there.

I can check into that.


f*ck you money

I got stopped out twice and got upset. I should have stopped trading. I was in negative space. I allow that. This is how you make it positive. I learned something there. I am upset. Wife's birthday is tomorrow. I am in broke land.




I do not see myself as poor. For me, poor means you do not see what your choices are. For one, you can align your thoughts to peace of mind. That is the state of being of being at peace. Not making sense here and that's alright.

Wife don't want to go to bed yet. I keep her company. I got nginx to work. It just needed some config files taken care of. Does that mean there's not a lot of people that use it? Probably so. I should have made an entry to my blog for future reference. I'll do that next time.




Should I install manjaro on the acer? Nobody's using it much. I stopped playing poker now so I don't use it as much. It's my backup laptop now. I have moved to that level. I can install my stuff in there when I can find a bash script for that.

The thing is, how do you do that in arch? I can look it up. Surely there is a way to install everything on auto-pilot. Who is that sidekick? There be people watching that. I don't think wife is watching. She is just whiling her time away. Is she working? I don't know. She's on her laptop. Probably working as it's her office laptop.




I write as I am not doing much here. I am waiting for wife to get sleepy. Past week I have someone to keep me company at home. That's nice. It's always changing anyway. You want to be a part of a team? I can do php and trade on my free time. How to get more of that?

Trading alone can get me there but will it take time? I can learn much watching the market. There must be an indicator telling me that it's gone sideways and you shouldn't trade. That first stop was a good signal there. I know better next time.




For now, keep writing. I have music in the background. It's so hot that inside the headphones it gets hot as well. Can't wait for winter. I am on my path this time? It's different? I don't know anymore. Let it be there. The nexus 5 is now working. I did a factory reset as wife suggested. It makes sense. It could have been caused by a software update or malware.

I wiped all data and now everything is good as new. I can make it better and just let that be. How is that when you are one of the richest persons in the world? I don't know. People are ready to kiss your a**. that could be interesting. It has to be life-work balance. If when you are enjoying what you do, you do not have to go that way.




What do I enjoy doing? Writing? For myself, yes. For others, no. I do this for myself. What else is here? Listening to good music. These headphones are awesome. It's such a good investment for me. It's aleady been a year and it's still working well. Consider that the sennheisers did not last a year, I could have bought three of that and it wouldn't sound as good as this one.

I can work with this for as long as it's here. Let's get working again. That is interesting. I like going there. The kids can take care of themselves now. I can fund my business that way. When do you quit? When you have enough in there. Also the student loan needs financing already. Let's get going then.




Which field? Web development sounds good. There's a hefty ad always for php devs. I can do that. I can finish a tutorial each day. That gets me ready in a week. I can keep adding to by git account. That builds up the portfolio. Let's get going there then.

Will I get a new laptop? I don't know. You know how to do this. I have aws experience. I can grow stuff from there. What am I not seeing here? I don't know yet. Learning new stuff. I learn fast anyway. I can go in that direction and see how things go.




That is weird. How would anyone want to fuck that? It's part of the story. Someone pays good money for that. This is karaoke. no. it's the original. He's gone now. This is his legacy. That's where you are headed. How to get yourself going in that direction? I don't know yet. I haven't created anything of value here.

Given the chance, I can pull together something from google. I don't have to learn everything. Tell me which way to go and I can get that right. That is sexual tension there. I wonder why there be no sex happening in there? I don't know. That is part of the equation.

That scene there is classic.


now or later

That thing with the sidebar fixed itself, it seems. The right click menu is dark, so you have contrast when you use it. Daughter did not go to school—using her recent going to the hospital as an excuse to recuperate. That's fine with me. You don't learn much in school if it isn't for you.




The ones that did well in my school were the ones who conform best with the status quo, sure they worked hard but do you call that success. Those top ten in class are nowhere near having changed the world. Is that a good measure of success? How do you measure success anyway? Making positive changes in the lives of others is a good indicator for me.

How do you quantify that? Success as you define it is comparing yourself to what? To others? That's not a good measure. I think what your friend shares with you is a good measure of being who you are. If those top ten were doing what was exciting for them, then they were following their path.




At the end of the day, the question is not whether you are a success or not, but how true are you to your higher self? Acting on your excitement for me as I see it is a good measure of what? Success? It's in that direction, but there's a fork in that road. Not comparing self to others but to your true self.

Did you get what I am saying here? I do yoga after this...poop first then yoga. I already had coffee. I wonder if wife is working late tomorrow? She said she wanted to see walking dead. We'll see. It's wednesday. It would be great if she just stayed home, but that will drive the kids crazy.




I guess things are perfect as they are, until you compare it with something. Is comparing good? It's different every time. You never cross the same river twice. What for do you measure or compare? The better question is, how do you feel right now? Are you acting on your excitement? If so, then yes it's good. If not, ask yourself why not?

I saw my trigger yesterday. It was fear. The motivation was to move away from that and short term, that is putting carbs in my mouth. It felt good while I was doig. But before I finished my stash, it was gone. The regret was already there before I finished.




How do you change it? Go inside. Change from the inside. When you feel the fear, go into it. Expand. Then see the light inside. It could be a small light, feed that dragon. You always have the opportunity to make a choice. Go in that direction. One step at a time. You've been here before so you know what it's like.

Then you expand. Take it one moment at a time. This is where it's all at. This is where the action is. This si your defining moment. I don't have to write for someone else. I can only do trading if when I choose to. I don't have to be someone else. I can read charts good. Stick with this and see what happens.




Everything looks perfect in hindsight. Is this going to go sideways. What is that spike there? Spike plus doji, what does that mean? It could be worth something. See what happens. Take note of it. This is what you do. Those that trade higher time frames are control freaks? They want everything in perfect order. Is it so?

When it bites them, it gets to something. It's all the same anyway. Be in your own light. You get there sooner anyway. It's the same stop. See it that way. What happens now? You get there sooner. Either win or lose, since you do more trades, you get there sooner. That wind is driving that carton off its hinges.




Can I do something about it? I think so. What's happening with this pair? Is it going up or down? You've been here before. It's been down before. Why am I biased towards the long side? Because it's been down. Let's see what happens now. If you went short on that signal, you are sitting on pain right now.

How to trade this then? Look for breakout, then trade pullback to confirm. It's a smaller time frame. You get pullback to confirm all the time. You see this in everything. It's all fractals. This is why it's interesting. You do the numbers. You put in the words. That is making the trade. You learn from it anyway. I can close out that window. We are headed into winter anyway.




What next? Finish this then do your morning glory. Laptop's almost fully charged. I have stuff from the library. I can do this now or later it don't matter. Do one thing finish it this week. You don't have to be like osmeone else. Be yourself. It's the only way? There are many ways to the mountain top. Choose what works for you.

Done.


in the light

My resolve is on a downtrend. What's the motivation here? That having carbs is a good thing, will make me feel good. Is that true? Short term, as in while I am eating it—it's going to feel good. After i'm done eating, regret will set in for the rest of the day, and could linger for several days.




What to do here? I am bored? I am not in the light. See it. Allow it that way and you will see. My phone keeps restarting, or I think it's restarting. Maybe it's just a feature with cmmod. I am going to observe that. If I have carbs, it's going to be clean carbs? You don't will not like that regret phase.

What are my options then? Get out for a walk. The kids are going to have ice cream. Just get out and do something else. These flies are fast. I see that thing come up often. What does it do. I don't see the google logo though when it reboots. Why is that there? Maybe it's something else. Like what? I am sleepy.




Wife will cook sweet and sour fish. There's rice. It's still regret for dessert. You don't like that. It's not what I prefer. It'll feel terrible for the rest of the day. I can go out and ride my bike. Or do something else. Like writing. I can listen to bashar. Them chat with traders is boring.

This is why I write. Just keep writing. It's going to put you into this mode and that. What else can we do here? I think that place in ultra was good. There was so much space in there. I wonder why they gave that up? I don't know either. I can't remember. Anyway, this is where we are now. I mean just me. It's not part of me anymore. I have moved on since.




Would I still be there if things did not change? I'd probably be bored with it. Or something else. It's the two older kids that are having a great time. It's different for each one though. They are back. The phone or the cmmod logo keeps coming up. I'd see the google logo if it were there, so I guess it's not really a restart.

What is it then? Kids got a new shoe. And they got ice cream. It's not for me. Do something else. This is what I do now. Keep writing. I can go take a nap. The sleepy phase is over. Wife is about to make lunch. Sisters are here. I want to take a nap. I can do that but other one is going to commandeer our room. Sit here and finish writing.




What does it feel like to finish writing? You are never really finish anyway. It just keeps going. At some point you say this is good enough. You publish then. Wife will make the sweet and sour sauce now. There be things here coming up.

I can go take a nap in the couch. There be flies but it's manageable. I can take a nap later on then. Was that synchronicity? I am watching y phone and it's soon to get that animation going. I think I see that now and then. What causes that?




I have meetup by the end of the month. I am in this frequency and I am done here. There's plenty more for me here instead. Wife is still going around in circles. Why can't she start cooking? She gets easily distracted. That happens to me too. I plan on doing something yet end up with something else.

For me though that is synchronicity. That anymation just comes up. It's not really a restart. What then? Kids get water from the main container. You know which ones do not refill. Maybe I get another one? Better yet? Something else that's more in alignment. When is she going to start cooking?




Am I hungry or just bored? I am bored. Finish writing then take a nap. I will go out for a walk at sunset. I enjoy that. Daughter's friend goes out to walk with her parents. I am getting upset here. Why are these things here? That is passive aggressive actions. Why can't they deal with it directly? That way, you can fix it. Why is that here anyway?

Allow it to be. I don't have to deal with that now. I am sleepy. Wife don't want me to ask her where she looked? It's because I need to know where it's not. This way, I can see in my head where I saw it last. If they can't find it there, then it must be someplace else. Why does she label that as negative?




Why not just look for it instead? Family is what puts me here? Of course not. It's my decision to go here. I can choose otherwise. I can choose. It's my responsibility to make choices. No one can force their decisions on you. You let them or you don't.

What if it were just that?