it gets old

I think too much. it’s time to let go. i’m at woosh now. I am supported. Wife is still sleeping. What I prefer is to make her happy, but that’s outside my control. No matter what you do, you cannot ever make anyone else happy.

The closest thing you can do is to make yourself happy, then everything else reflects off that decision. How do you put yourself into that then? I have issues. Money is where my energy goes. Why did it stop? Maybe it’s there to give you space. When you have used up the energy, then you can move on.

How do you do that? You choose how you respond. there’s always opportunity for you. How do you write about this? You put one foot ahead of the other. One step at a time. If it’s not relevant it’s not going to be there. Start where you are.

I just lost this much in the last week. I have anxiety now. I feel anxiety. I fear what if it happens again. But it’s never the same thing twice. You already know that. If it happens then the universe is telling you not to go this way.

I have written about it. I know much about it. I miss them days in that mall. We used to go there a lot. I did at least when I got started trading this market. I miss those days. You can go back. But this time it’s different. You have kids to hang out with you. Where do I sleep? I can hang out there. I can sleep with them. I can sleep in thteir couch.

I can easily move around that way. I can ask my colleagues and friends to couch surf with them. Or do airbnb. I think that be available there. You have kids. You need to be with them. Spend the day away from them if you have to. it’s all connected. Do I need to setup the new trade explorer? I can do that. What else is there?

I don’t know yet. You need to get this up and running. Or not. it’s all up to you. there’s so much here to do. You are going there anywya. I get gas after driving the wife over there. I have phone calls coming in around that time. let’s do that then.

Or I can leave the phone with daughter. Tell her to just let these people in. there’s three of them here. The youngest keeps to herself in the room. There’s no connection? There is. You simply have expectations about it. What to do now? Keep watch. You will see what opens up.

For now, keep writing. This is page two. You don’t have to go there anymore. I think there’s something with the algorithm. Were they hacked? Or is it just me? I am accessing the index page. I think they got hacked. What else to do here? You can see where this is headed. Or not. there’s so much out there.

For now, write about your experience here. Expand on what’s happening and what you are doing about it. that’s a big drop right there. How to trade that? Why not keep to that part and see where it’s going. It can go sideways again. Or not. that’s a big drop right there. Is the yen getting strong?

Why would they do that? Cleaning up? Then you can start up something. You can always do something else. Like what? I don’t know. But if it’s here then it’s here for a reason. I feel like there’s still that definition. I can access that. What if it’s not meant to be?

Why would you hang on to it then. Why not use up the energy instead? I can do that. I have trash to go through this time? I can go out later. Do I want to run? Is there food for today? Tomorrow? I think so. there’s noodles. I can go there.

If not, we can make chicken. I think we bought milk. I can make that chicken soup. I will check it out later. Do you want to turn on that auto-correct for vim? I can go there. But the i’s are a thing. it’s like a speedbump and you are on a bike. it’s part of your process.

What els ecan I do about it? Not much if you allow for it to be there. I have issues. My head keeps going back to it. it’s for you. You can choose to change how you respond to it. Not to invalidate, but to use up the energy. It points to your source code.

This is how you reinforce then. So be it. let’s use it that way. what’s going to happen now? there’s news coming out today or tomorrow. I can move beyond that and see how it goes. You don’t have to wait up for much but it’s an opportunity there. You see where this is going? Build it up buttercup.

I used to like that song. I stil do. They have a lot of new content over at netflix. That became big very fast. it’s good that way. what’s up with you here? Do you want to finish them books? I can read about history. Nonfiction is good for me.

I can do fiction. I used to enjoy that dragon-something novel. Now it’s moved forward. There has to be something that’s more in-depth. You have already read that. Sometimes it gets old--the energy. That tells me it’s time to move on. You can make changes later. In the meantime, you write on ahead.

You have so much anxiety. You write about it. it’s how you use the energy. Why is it? What is the source code? That everything has to be lined up. That I need to control what’s on the outside to have peace. But even if you think you can control that you still can’t. Nothing like surprises come your way.

What do I do here then? I don’t know. Keep to your light. Use up the energy. I keep repeating that. I guess there is no connection here. You have days like this anaywy. I feel like I don’t have it. I feel imposter syndrome again. it’s because you compare. The human locas mind is wride to compare. it’s how it functions. But you don’t have to act on it.

You see it there then use it. You have feedback this way. You then move on. You got here perfectly well. it’s all downstream. Right now, things have flattened out. Allow for it to be here. it’s going to start moving again. it’s not like that but it’s a continuous energy flow. You tap into that. it’s how you make things happen.

How do you use it then? I don’t know yet. All I know is that when you get here it’s here for a reason. Keep writing about it. You will see where this is going then. Do you need conttrol still? I can give myself the illusion of control. But what would it feel like if you were in 4d?

Things will be different.