i'm going centering

i'm not in the mood so i might as well write to warm up. I just saw the cindy crawford interview with howard stern. It must be difficult being that beautiful--every man wants you and those who can't just hates you for no reason.

You can see from her body language that she was defensive. I can see that she doesn't trust a lot of people. I'm sensing that she grew up lonely. But then again i am just projecting my self here. She probably had a great time growing up. Why not? If you are a good person you see that reflected back to you.

I guess i envy her? I guess so. What else did you pick up there? It's a job for her. Would you have seen her, would you be in your best behavior? Of course. I'm always at my best with people i don't know. I do tend to have good conversations. But when i sense a person is ot there, i tune out. I tune out often these days.

Why is that? I'm going centering. I don't have to impress anyone. It's quiet here and i didn't do much here. Should i go out? It's not raining. Soon as kids are home i go out for a walk. Wife is making baked mac later. I can start cooking that thing? No. She'll want that cooking with the tomato sauce.

This one flea got it good from me. I was asleep. I think that's what woke me up. I can do a good editing. But i don't want to go there. I am back with chrome. It's faster. I moved the modem closer. The speed wifi is so much faster now. I'll leave it at that. I can easily connect the ethernet to this if i wanted more speed.

For now, this is good. It's friday. I am going to hang that outside. I'll do so after i finish writing. This is what i do. This is my job. I create content for my channel. But what else can i do here? Create content. Write and it'll get better. Just write. Trust the process. It's big concern...unique situation...gets sucked in...shift perspective...change. That's the process for me. At least that's how i analyzed the story.

I went over it in my head. It makes more sense this way than the other story structures i've learned so far. It makes sense and that's how the stories i liked seem to be written that way. I tend to go gamma when i go for a walk. I get to decongest my head and i get good connections that way.

Do i get to write about things afterwards? Is it going to rain? I may have to wear jacket and bring an umbrella. Or not. I think the weather forecast says improving but i'll wear that jacket. It's not so warm but the jacket will do. What's in store for the weekend? I don't know yet.

Not much to see around here. Her eyes told me she made a mistake there. How come she didn't say anything? Because i had a lot of baggage there. I think she is sorry. She just didn't think she should be sorry for that. I know .but it wasn't my fault there. I am not holding this. It's negative energy and i don't need it. I can use it up and see what's in there.

I won't hold a grudge there because i am putting negative energy into the awareness and i don't need it. Someone's coming upstairs. Maybe he'll check the inbox before coming up. I'm expecting a package. It should have been brought up? I think so. I suppose so.

Someone's coming up. It's probably the so because of the heavy footing. I lost my train of thought. No package. I guess it's coming next week. At least it's in the country. What am i going to do with it? Just write. My son says he's good at math that he was invited to take this test in school. I believe him. All my kids are good at math.

How come i wasn't good at math? At some point i was. It just wasn't good grades though. I did enjoy trigonometry after i graduated from high school. This teacher took the time to teach it in a way that i understood. I've bee broke for months. Why is this here? What do i get out of it? I see true value. I am building up self esteem.

It's inside out. I've been putting myself down. And there was something else in here. I forgot what it is but i am going out to walk. I don't have to pick up the kids because it's not raining. I forgot to turn off the internet for them earlier. Just set it up that...i forgot.

What happens next? I have the old router out. I might use that as a repeater. It's a project. And i had insight last night. If i was in my uncle's shoes back then, what would i do differently? You see, my uncle was unemployed, alcoholic and was abusive to his family--verbally. He was a drag but it served a purpose. It was hard for him and spiritually, he agreed to be in that role. That's how much he loved them coming in to the world like that.

At times i feel like i'm worthless as a father. And if i referenced his experience and overlaid it with mine, i see what i am doing differently. I get inside. I do be without seeing the reflection outside. And that's what i've been doing. That's a good insight if you ask me. That's why i was up last night.

And then i felt better about myself. I have purpose. Is it raining outside? Kids are going to be home sooner. It's a friday. The two have work all weekend. This is my job right here. I create content for my media business. I present my unique perspective--in a way.

I got good at copywriting but didn't get much business there. I think they have umbrellas and i don't have to go out. What happens now? Keep up with writing that. Go gamma while you write. This way you have better connection. I think i have a good setup on my phone.

Do you have to do things differently? I don't think so. I'll post this one later. In the meantime, i have everything i need. I can choose not to walk today but i prefer the break. I can do with some sun. Go inside. Be in spirit and you get the reflection back. It's that simple. It's all about reflection.

What to do over the weekend? There is no hackathon anyway. I think they are over extending themselves. Why are they doing that? And what's up with the fundraising. I think i can look that up when i have to. For now, i only do this. You connect by doing one on one. Then you send that message to the audience. You'll get better than one percent that way.

Have you tested that? I guess that's the drawback there. Should you be checking out these other things? I am going out for a walk. I need that. Need is such a negative word. Requirement is a better word? It's connected. That is somehow a better word to use to say why i go out for a walk.

It's connected that i get some sun to get my body clock working. It's connected because i get to stretch out my mind and process my thinking--or something like that. Also writing like this is good for me. It's connected. I don't need it but it's part of my process. That too is a better way to describe it.

Need is negative because it connotes that i don't have it. Everything is here and ow. Whe you say you need it, you don't have it and you can't use the energy that way. It's better to connect with it. This way, you get feedback as to how to go about it.

If she was within reach, how would you connect with her? Good connection. When i sit down there, i'd have some good ideas. I won't come across as desperately wanting to get in her pants. Was i there before? I think so. Now you can move forward with this. I think i see the problem there. It's why you have this.

What can i do with this then? I don't know. Maybe something's coming up and you are processing the information from the inside. It's what i do all the time. Then use it that way. What was that noise about? The cat's outside. It's raining so he's probably in some shade.

Do i post this? I think so. The kids are busy with their lives now. I can get on with my life. This is what it's about anyway. I write much. Maybe i can improve on this? Of course. Whenever i put my awareness into it and build a habit around this, i get better at it.

Historically, i've seen it happen before. You just build a habit around it until you have that frequency.