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i don't have to fight her, or prove my point in any way. I can't change anyone anyway. I can only change myself. Why does that have to be sad? Isn't it liberating?




It's sad because i enjoy spending time with her. She's a good person, if you look at the big picture. Is there anyone better? I don't know. Everyone is different, that's for sure. I am also sure that there could be a better fit. But until i know who that person is, i'll stick with this one.

And, why can't i have both anyway? It's not this or that, it's this and that. You already know this. I am open to this. I did not feel like having coffee this morning. There is hockey and we leave after four. I get back and send the car to wife. I'll do yoga, write then go out for a run. If i fall asleep then, that's good. If not, so be it.




The game is at kristin school. I like it there. The parking is not a problem and so is getting out. They widened the roads there. Easy for us to get in and out. What else is there? Just write. I can go check out that dojo at rosedale. I was there before. I think you can see plenty more around there.

It's a monday. I have been provided for all my life. I guess this is where i am now. Am i going to save that company? I'm broke right now. Am i going to regret this? If taxes are due, i am going to pay them anyway. Why not get this over and done with. The sooner you do that, the easier it'll be to get things done.




I can move to europe anyway. Let's get cracking with this and see what comes out the other side. It's all a part of the process. If you get to make a good book, then it's going to be all connected. You don't have to be wildly successful. Just get to the other side and you'll see what happens.

Wife comes home late today. The ref is almost empty. I think we'll make it through tomorrow. The kids at least two of them have money and will buy their own food anyway. I can do something else in the meantime. Do more with less is the process now. Let's get with it then.




Is it going to be difficult? Only if i think it through. But when i am in the moment, you hardly notice these things. It's almost eight. I finish writing then i can get on with my day. If not, i can always do something else. If i were writing someone a letter, is this going to help?

It may seem like it. They automate these things. So that you have to take a screenshot and show how it is. You then ask where is it that the problem is. You can go that way or not but if it is going to be so, let it be. How did they get there? They claim to have played ten thousand hours. Is that true?




Shouldn't people not want to listen to them if they started out terribly? Or was their path different? Is that a cop-out? It feels like it but therein lies your process. It's not a cop-out if you set out to match frequency. You get with it then. What's in store for today? How long will this hockey last?

We do this until september. That's a long way to go. I would have been over and done with this months, years ago. What is different? I am blaming someone else. If i were in this light then could i behave differently? I think so. Then let it be here then. I will use up the energy.




If it is to be it is up to me. That's a lot of two letter sentences. I used to live that way. What happened? I started blaming someone else. Now that you are aware of it, how do you change it? You allow for it to be there, then let go. Just be aware of it. When you see the forest from the trees, you are out of that forest.

And so it is with this life. I see it. I am aware of the habit. I can choose to let go. I can choose differently. It's all opportunity from here on. I get that. I don't have to preach that. I simply get on with my life. I have been dwelling on this. I am processing the information. This is coming out different on the other side. I get back i do yoga. Then i write then i go for a run.




This is my life now. Walk later? Of course. I forgot this was my schedule. Then we can do something different. I wonder if that thing is going down on thursday. I never received confirmation. They need to send confirmation for them. So be it then. That's a new thing. I am teaching them to be independent. They can still blame you for their life.

That's their decision. I don't have to fight it. Right now i am broke. I can't even buy my own food. This is why you are building up skills in this department. How do you know you have it? You write your own book. Replace fiction with whatever genre you want.




Half the market is in the romance genre. Women buy more books than men. You can write from this perspective. It is from here that people want to experience. They want something different. Your point of view is unique. Why write like everyone else? You give them the advantage that way.

How then should i write? Write as if you were telling your friend about your day. Write one to one. They don't get how it works. They do so from their point of view. And it's limited that way. This is why you don't teach. It will never work. They have to recognize and acknowledge what they learn.




But how do you move forward? You get on with your life, period. You can live by example. Again, you don't have to. You can be at peace with this? Of course. How will this move forward then? I still don't know. It is what it is. You don't have to...i have been in the negative since i had that thought.

Now that i am aware of it, i can leave it at that. I don't have to fight to get that idea off my head. Doing so only gives it more power. I can simply let go. I can say, ok, you sit there if you want. I can observe you from where i am. Stay if you want, or go. I don't care.




Then it starts to dissolve. You don't have to describe what's outside or how the weather is or what you are doing. It's irrelevant. Why do they do it that way then? I don't have the slightest idea. That is cliche isn't it? I guess so. But the communication should be direct and one to one.

Write like you do to your mom. You used to write long letters back then. Let's get right back to it. You write a lot. Sometimes i wrte twice daily. Then writing is not the problem. Connecting to flow is? Isn't this putting it outside of yourself? You intend to be responsible about this. Writing is about making decisions.




Then make that choice. What is going to happen next. Write it down. Show if you have to. Write the process if you have to. But not to use adjectives. Write what's going on what is happening here and now. How to get from point a to point b. Then you are doing good writing. You are precise.

You are clear when you write that way. You can do otherwise. It's up to you. I miss riding. I need to get out more often. Let's do that. Let's get more experience into our bag. Talk to people how do you do that then? Find them with gaps in their soul. They need patching up? I don't know. You want to be at peace. Get to it then.




You don't have to change people. You already know that. How do you get from here to there? I don't know yet. At least the games there are quiet. Those fields are big. How do they play more games there? Maybe there be other games during the week. I guess so. Why did he not do a different game?

That's his choice. I support him in that decision. I can post this later. If there's plenty of time, i can finish these now. No need to put off later. I can write later. I can do screencast, or not. That book would have been interesting. Let's read it again through this one.

So be it.