every now and then

 i havent written journaled in about a week. I did not feel up to it. I'm not keen about doing much lately. But things are not the same. Why am i anchoring myself to that.

At least it's in my awareness. It's not the same. Just this. It's not just me. It's a theme for mankind--pretty much everyone willing to be in this space. Why the need for such pain?

It's to bring everything out on the table. Do iwant to be with her. That's the question. She changes the rules when it suits her. You end up playing in a game you dont have the heart to and when you find out, it's i'm devastated. 

What then. Show her the consequence of her action. I dont have to be here anymore. I have choices. I have much going for me. Staying on this means it hasnt changed much. But it did. That's the point. It's not the same river. 

What can i do different in this regard. Not sure but you get the idea. You have that in you already. What comes next. You simply do the instruction manual. That's what got me across all this time.

What then. What else is there. I'm not in joy here. It's like i need to do things i'm not excited anymore. Like i have to do all these things just to keep afloat when i could be doing the same anyway on my own.

Do i want to leave? It's there. It's just looking for an excues. I already have that. Why get another one. How come price went down that much. What can i do about these things. You get the idea. Let's get going. 

I would rather go do that and this and have that in the middle of the day. Not sure about this one though. But that one is reminiscent. It has flashback. It's not a choice. But she defines it that way. Do i even understand what is going on here.

Not sure. You get the idea each time. Simply do this. Get to the other side. Maybe i dont want to go there. I do five hundred videos before that gets in the bag. I think it is something like that. 

In the meantime, you do all this. It resonates. Then you get into this and resonate. What are my options here. Not really sure. But it's been like this all this time. Where did that come from.

I have insistence. I observe. I can change things anyway. Son is up. I can deal with that, or do something else. He can choose. I can work something out anyway. The kids can go this way and that.

I'm not sure how this works out. Trust the timing. What can i do about this. Not really sure. It's the trust issue. What can i do. Simply use up the energy. This time next year it's different but you get the point.

I can awareness. Put this in your awareness. If that's all i can do then this is more than enough. I dont have to go there. Do i need that instead. Not really sure. I would rather have it now than later. Ok. 

We can finish up sooner or simply do this get to the other side. You get the idea. What comes next on here. I'm not really sure. That is not my liking. I would rather do something else. Like what.

She's broke af. Why do i have to deal with all that. Not really sure. Just do this then. I dont know how to work that. It would have been different. Just get to the other side in this way.

I always have choice. I always have the instruction manual. Just get to the other side. Use up the energy. It soon changes. You get an insight and it's not the same boat. Trust the timing.

it works out

 i'm not keen about much of anything. It's because i look back. Use this as a stepping stone. It's not the same.

Why go back. Because i get something out of it. I dotn think so. It isnt the state of being that i prefer. It's not me. I move on now. It's all connected. I can use this nursing gig to get me to the next step. I dont know how, but this too is connected. 

What comes next. Trust the timing. You simply go ahead in this direction. That one had to happen to get you going here. Now you are at a nice spot dont you think. I can have coffee now. You zoom out to higher self. It's there for you. Why not use it.

Maybe i can make a channel from this. Idk. But you continue on. Thisi s what needs to happen. How do you close out ofthat trade. It went sideways then took out that stop. I get that. What can i do here. It's sideways. Do nothing.

You dont have a read on this. Continue on to the next phase. I stay at home take a break. I take a nap most of the time. This is positive. I can head out tomorrow. Or not. I have that one lined up. I can work with that.

Ok. Let's get going here then. What is happening on there. Is it a job that needs to get done. Idk. But she has been balls deep in that work for quite some time. It ruined this for me. I dont think so. It is different. It is time to move on. It was a permission slip more than anything.

This is how you bring heaven toearth? I can work with that. Maybe i can start writing in this direction. Where do you get such ideas then. I'm not sure where but this too is connected in this way. It doesnt have to go there. Just do this get to the other side.

Ok. It is a direction i can play with. Let's get moving then. Is something happening tonight. Ican work tomorrow then. Ok. Rest up for today. I can head out tomorrow. But friday saturday is best because promo. Go there then. Thursday is rest day. I can work with this better yet.

Ok. But isnt saturday a day off. It can be. Or not. Just do this. You get what all this is about. Finish up then i can work on that removed that orphaned package. I can rest this up. Three days on the road trip is good. It is time to recuperate. It is time to heal.

Aha. That is a good metaphor on there. Is this something i want todo. Or is there something else. That one recharged all night on a fast charger at that. Things like this happen. Continue on to the next one.

What's next in store. Have coffee. But finish up. I cant do yoga. I am injured in this way. I get injured all the time then. I think you see how all this works out. Let's get going. That is starting to bunch up. 

Ok. I see where this leads to. But where is that headed for. You see how this works out. Let's get going. Did she feel sorry for that. All in all yes. It's time to move on. Thisis moving on. I dont think that resonates with me anymore.

You have all this. It's why it happened. And now you see how it all connects back and forward. But it all hinges on the here and now. No need to go there. That is not relevant for me. Just do this. Maybe i can start a project in that way.

Or not. But you get the idea. It fills up easy and a billion users is a lot. It continues on and if no revenue how is it supported. It gets permutations. You get the idea. I can walk the dog later. That is part of the idea.

Or not. It's all up to you. I have coffee after this. Then i continue onto the next. I take a break and take a nap. It looks like so but it is not. There you have sometihng else. It is different this time. I can let go now. 

It connects back somehow. Trust the timing. You know what you are doing.

reflections relevance insight

 i was watching the market at this time. How do you move forward with this. 

I can open a trading account with less than a hundred. I already have one. I can move to a different place that lets me trade futures on leverage. There's plenty you can do on here.

This is the univers saying, try this. It's a reflection. This is a different path that resonates with you. I guess it's past that. Things are way different thistime. Simply have fun with this. 

I dont have to push it going there. This ends next week tuesday. We have two weeks of tennis and adventures from there. This my dog? It is he is a reflection and a soul here for me. That's the point somehow.

I can live with that. There is peace of mind. That is joy comes forth. It's the fertile soul from whence it grows. I would cultivate this then. If it's in the mix, then it is relevant. If not, then there is something different for you.

It can be better or worse, but it is there and it is relevant to the state of being that you chose. That works for me then. I have something else. Now you know.

I can use that time to grow my audience. This again, i have options. I have choice. That is true abundance. You are never want for choice. It's there. If not, then there is something here for you. This too is relevant.

That's the point. Now you see. I have moved past this. I got something out of it. If not this dog, then i have the respect for self. That's more than enough. I can move on. Not that i have to live with this, but that what is coming next.

If it goes there then so be it. If not, you have something else in the mix. Is this bullish for me. I dont know. We'll see how it goes. Trust the timing. You can work with this or not. You always get something out of the equation. 

That's the point to all this. It is positive. It is expanding. You have everything you need on here. Trust the timing. It all flows through you. That's the point. I think he wants to go back tobed.

It doesnt have to make sense for someone else. It's all here for a reason. Trust the timing on this. You know what all this is about. Did she ...two hours of tennis is enough. I can do another set in the afternoon or evening.

I think the point tehre is the rest in between. It's a reflection for you. Give to others what you want for yourself. It wasnt fair, but there was a lesson there for you. Now you know.

I can move on and forward from here. Choices were limited to get you going in this direction. It's not that you were restrained. It's just that things are so different in this way.

It was beautiful country but that is what distracted me. I got something out of it anyway. It wasnt that there was something wrong with me, but that given the circumstance, i got something out of it.

It's the freedom. It's the choice. It didnt go that way but i had choice. I had this awareness. That's more than enough for me. Now they have negative. I've been there before. The other shoe fell.

And things are different now. I can look back to it, but i got something out of it. That's more than enough. I can work with this then. Do people need advice on that. Maybe, or maybe not, but i can make something with it. Go there.

forgave safe now

 it's safe now? It seems like it. Four months and she's been there all along. I see a reason to forgive. It's a gift i give to my self. Even if she not there, i can move on now.

It's been difficult. It was traumatic. But it is something you chose to experience from a spirit level. It's not just you. So much has happened since. You saw a different you and you made positive integrate this.

Lift now works. We move on. Do something different. Experience more of the unknown. I cant tennis tonight this weekend wrist injury. Give this time to rest, you can play again next week.

I dont have to go there but this is fun. We continue on. We move on. What comes next. You build up on this. It doesnt matter that. You continue on and see how this works for you. That's the positive aspect to this. You continue on. You move on. 

It is safe to do so now. This is here and now. It sucks it happened but you got over it. This is behind me now. I got something out ofit. Seeing forest from the trees. She too is different now. 

What comes next. I dont know. I dont have to know these things. But you get that you can move on from here. It's not the same. Things are different. You see how it was but how, does it serve at this time?

I've seen it already. It's time to move on. Explore more of the unknown now that i have safe harbor. This is how it feels like. It is time tomove on. Not that you cant explore more of that anyway. 12-hour fasts are easy.

People go there do that. I can create that channel more videos. And it is about the pleasures of food. I can do edge. It is interesting to explore more of that. It was this and that but now different. 

You get how these things work. Let's get that going. If it doesnt resonate then you try something else. We build up into that and then weekend explosion. That is interesting indeed.

What comes next. You simply get with this program. I can edge myself if i had to. Why not do the same. I can work something out. Or not. We can do this and that, go to bed then continue on the next day. 

That is interesting. I just smiled there. Let's see how this goes. Who was buying. That was a two percent move. It's not much. I've seen better before. This is the quiet before the storm. People be watching these things.

It's different now. I fasts today. I continue on home then things be different this time. What comes next. You simply continue on. Things are way different and i read that book. I have coffee twice today.

I do edge. It can be this and that. You love and trust me. I can build on this. It doesnt have to go there. You can explore these things. We can continue on the next day. That works out for me. It is the exploration of these things. 

We can do so together. I think that is interesting enough. It can go in or not. But you get the idea. Let's do that. Saturday there is tennis but i am resting. Then we can work something out. Or not.

I dont have to go sunday. But if i am feeling better wrist it is an option. But i dont have to go. Saturday i can rest up and see how things work out. That is something interesting. 

Continue on. You get how these things work out. There be the kids to consider. You get how all these work out. You see where this leads to. Trust the synchronicity. Trust the timing. It's all here for you. Dog loves you much.

like a splinter in your mind

i am seriously considering getting a divorce. I woke up this morning feeling disillusioned. 

She hasnt changed much. This time around, she wont be having forking off that way. Less options this time for her. She's still passive aggressive. She'll do anything to avoid confrontation. In the meantime, the relationship suffers. 

When? How? Asap?the sooner i get these band-aids off the better. I can recover given a year. It's christmas. Maybe we can put this off until the new year. It's tough, but we are not happy this way. 

Do i need to talk to her about it. Will she want me still? I want to be able to talk about this. I dont want this to be pushed under the rug. It's going to be between her and me but is it going in that way? Will she really change? I cant change her. I can only change my self.

We can do so next year. We'll put up a mask together through the holidays. But it's over now. Is it me? Definitely so. I dont buy her way of thinking. To her it's all water under the bridge. To me, it's about teh reflection.

Actions have consequences. I'm pushing this away. She knew the price she had to pay. Why am i subsidizing this. I'm not sure. But you'll see if she really wanted you in her life, she'd change. If not, then it is time to move on. It's only going to get worse from here.

It's only fair to all concerned. She doesnt buy into this thinking, but that's how all this got started. I would rather bring up issues up front so we can work things through. I'm opento consideration, but if she's not, then it is time to move on. 

Am i wrong about this? I could be. You can never be too sure. But if we were meant to be, we'd be back together. If not, i dont think it is that. I'd ask around someone wil help out. There is a reflection on here. 

Trust the timing. She's headed outtomorrow. It needs to be addressed today. This way i can sleep tight anyway. Why is that an issue? Because it is going to fester. And you saw  how all this unfulred.