so much anxiety resistance in me

 here is so much resistance in me. I write. I have a negative perspective on this. I am not acting in my clarity. 

But now you see it. It's not the same. You have awareness in this. You are in the past and future. What's here and now that you can do? That's what this is for. 

You know what to do. Go through the week. Go next week on a thursday maybe wed or so. But you got this. You know what to do anyway. If it gets to be too much, do something else. But right now, this is what's relevant anyway.

It pains me so much to be in resistance this way. Now you see. You have something on here to work with. What are my choices. To stay in the here and now. There are things i can do to move in this direction anyway.

And this is what it's here for. So you see what your choices are at this time. You can go this way and that. It's a given in this way. I can work on the channel. But there is so much noise in here. 

Work through the fast. Finish this altogether. Maybe this is the trigger to accelerate. But it's not about avoiding. It's going through, using up the energy. This is the goal for the week then?

Definitely. You have to wednesday. I can either do fast4 or stay at home. And nowy ou see. You accelerate through this. That's what got you through that instance. And it felt great that way. 

It's what you have here now. Trust that this is where you need to be. Let's go on this one then. Now you know. Now you see. And this is where you are anyway. Trust that this is where you needs to be. 

This video has 10k hits. How come my subs are now reflecting that number? I'm not sure. Maybe i can experiment on something. There is something off about this. You can play around with a few things. 

Dogi dont want to go out i guess. He wants to stay home. Maybe he wants to go out with someone else. But it's the same path. I see that. Finish this. I see there. What are my options. 

I reinstalled this os. Now it's better because i'm on kde and it's not that bad. I stick with this because this is what the installer has for an offline install. 

The online one has issues to it. At least that got me going in this direction. I have the vbox images on the hard dirve. I'll use them later. In the meantime, i can work on the juice shop and all that. 

I have nikto to run a scan then see what the results are. But it's too much noices on here. Can i do wall? I'm still full in there. Not a good time. Best time is at night before bedtime.

I'll go later then. Even at nine, i finish some time at ten and it's shower then head off to bed. I feel better. Maybe because i got out of the head and put it in the experience. That could be.

Is there something else? I can finish that video. Or do one in teh morning, then at night work on the other channel. That makes sense. That's the schedule now. I can stick with that. There is that install thing.

I can get that going on here. Or find an alternative to it that automatically mounths the drive. I can change the setting in there. Now you see. At least not mounted it's separate and air-gapped or something. Look into it. This one has firewall.

so what who cares big deal

 i'll prioritize my self, put my self first. I'm not going to work tomorrow. I need a break. It's too much. Need time to catch my breath. Just do nothing tomorrow. 

I think the contact lens are coming tomorrow, along with the can of cokes. I have tennis at night. That's plenty time to recoup. I'm good with that. It's the middle of the week anyway. Busy days are monday tuesday. I was there.

The laptop is on the desk. I dont think anyone will sit on those. In the meantime, i have all this. Trust the timing on this one. It does make sense in that way. Look at the website and you'll see how it is. That's how you answer that question.

So you know much. And i take time off to catch my breath. Coming back i have this much and the next. I have this on here. I got the payment plan. That works out for me. I can do two at a time to finish it. 

It's a lot to take in, but it gives me plenty time to catch my breath. And i give myself space in this way. This is enough for me anyway. Just do this. Just be in this space. 

How do you extend that. I'm not really sure. But it's just this here and now. You get how it all works out. I dont get that much. But weekend was plenty and that's right. You do deserve a break on this. 

Just do nothing. Spend time with dogi. That's a lot in and of itself. What needs to happen next. I can work on the channel. It's a week into this. It's high time i work on the second one. Maybe start work on the juice shop exploit.

Maybe there is a better word for that, but i can edit that later anyway, not now. How do you take a breather better on that. Two weeks off? Idk. But it's just here and now. Work in this direction. I have this set up and planned mapped out. 

This next unit is a culmination of all the others. That's all good for now. I think you see where this is headed. You learn all these things and it doesnt matter much right now. I'll start recon on there. Study the url and see what the patterns are about.

Maybe i can test them against my notebook sources, see if i can find my way through this maze. It is a maze actually. You are solving a puzzle in this way. That's what you do throughout the day anyway. And you get that. 

You see the context. They cant see that. And you build trust with the audience by what's the word there...i forgot. But you side with them for a while and that is what works for me at least.

And then you see. You get how this is. And you are protecting self from burnout. You dont want to outpace yourself. You pace yourself. You'll get that momentum soon. But whenever you can, take a moment to catch your breath, take in the view.

Enjoy. Have fun. That's the point. That's what this is for. I dont have to explain myself. This is the point. Ok. I give myself space. I did put in a lot the past few days. The rest is well-deserved. And i dont know how the rest of them wil lfunction. 

This is me. This is where i am. Just do this anyway. I wonder when those come back anyway. But you have this in the moment. Trust that this is where you need to be. Trust that this is where you are. 

I think i was right on the first time around. It was inside so it is. Look at the website. You'll see where it needs to go on there. Or you can test out a few other things.

I was going to write out that phrase, but i can do without it. I am sleepy now. I am crashing. No wall practice tonight. I wanted to owrk on the assessment finish that to submit before thursday. And it works out for me this way.

interesting point of view

 i'm tired. I just want to sleep tomorrow. But that's tomorrow. I'm about to go to bed anyway. I can take a nap in the train. Or maybe getting home, i'll take the bus from here to courts.

I think i have half hour on that. That's one less item off my list. See how it goes. You dont have to plan ahead. You cross the street when you get there. And it's practice. I dont have to win. Just work on getting that ball back.

Ok. That's be the thing then. No winners unless you see it's obvious and there to take. I wonder who the team is. Just cross the street when you get there. It is something to look forward to. Plus i get to fast into thursday.

What time was your last meal? I cant remember. It was some time around seven i guess. 36 hours is into 10am. Too warm for this jacket. What's the temp ten? Get cool enough to bed time. Dogi's up. He was taking a nap.

It's like tennis. You dont want to take things easy. You want to be there on the cutting edge, temper your skill finesse. You get what this is about. Go easy and you dont get enough practice. 

What now. Just do your best. Act on your clarity. Take baby steps if you need to. Smaller baby steps just to get you going. You're going to use up the energy. It'll shift. But not wanting to shift. Just use up the energy.

Ok. I see what needs to happen here. What is the story on here. What is this about? Why would anyone want to do that. What is the habit there. It's not an exploit. It's more like social eng. Maybe they ran out of ideas to play with.

Or it is something else. Finish up then continue on. Get ready for bed in one hour. That's more than enough. Just do baby steps. Even if it were just finishing this is more than enough. I use up the energy in this way. 

Ok. I can do this. Friday is going to feel great. How to cross that thursday. Simply choose to continue on. When you get to that level, you'll feel how great that is. 

I need to send out sms who's playing saturday. Ok. Just do this. No expectations for now. See how they will how many play. You pick up from there. Then youl'l know what to do. I am tired. I am going to be this.

Is this where it's headed at. If that is a queue, then it's an issue in that way. I think that was the situation earlier. I could have stayed one hour more. Or not. There is that and this. 

Ok. I did pick up the pace when i had everything up and running. That's ok. You had to go through all that anyway. You get this and then you'll know what to do with the equation. 

Plenty noise in my head. This is what the practice is. To clarify, temper remove impurities. But it's not a negative. It's just that. Too much over-thinking. The practice is to return to breath. Return to mindfulness.

That's what you do in the gaem. That's the mental game to all this. What happened there. See how it works out. If not, you can test things out and see if you get that in there. 

That is what is the exploit is for. Now you see how that connects with this and that. And then you can work something out in that direction. This gives you ideas. How do you reverse that.

I think it's a lot of paperwork, but it gets into this and that. You see how that is. How come this is crime. I'm not sure. But it is all based on the database. And then you have this in place. That is interesting.

move to bisect trajectory

 saturday. Got my shoes from the post office. I'm quite pleased with it--yonex ad-accel or something like it. 

I bought tennis shoes instead of running shoes this time. It's more durable and the hard texture of the sole makes it easier to run and adds stability somewhat--rather than having them squishy soft and hurt my leg long term.

What then. It's raining out. I am not sure there'd be tennis as forecast is rain later in the day. I write. I can work on the video. The match sf in garros is worth keeping. Even if i cant publish, i'll keep it in my libs. It will come up maybe ten years from today or less.

But it's a good doubles match i'd want to see down the line. And there's a lot. There's so much going for this. And there is a correlation to all these things. It's all connected anyway. What happens now. 

Maybe go head out get food or something. We did so yesterday. See how it goes. I dont even have to do much if that's in the manual. Just be in this frequency i prefer. That's all htere is to it. 

I gave it another go with clementine. It's the same issue. I will try figure it out, but for now, just this. Maybe i put it over in the local drive. But it's already full the local drive. I'll see how it goes. 

I get these reminders and it helps me going in this unknown. It's like breadcrumbs i've put out myself along the way. More like higher self pointing the way with synchronicity. And i miss tennis this week. Might get to play tonight, or tomorrow.

What then. USe up the energy for today. Work on the projects finish them and see what you get out of it. I think it's more in alignment to work on the lab and the video. I'll get working on that. 

Trust the timing. No assumptions of how it will be. Just do the manual. You know how it works out along the way. What else is there for now. Get things going. I'm not sure how to use this for now.

Finish up. It feels like it's been forever at this level. You can work this way or that. It's different this time. You can sense it. Ok. This is relevant. Just be in this. The ego is there and it has function and you know when to switch to blink. 

And then you have relevance and reflection. It's this way and that. Go hard and it goes easy. That's the point. And you learn along the way. No need to beat around the bush. Get to the point. You'll know what to do.

And then you have all this in place. Simply send out an email. You can go this way or that. It goes there and this way. What comes next. I'm not really sure but you get the idea in this regard. What is hee is you know what.

What happens today. I can do wall during the morning. That's relevant. I can do another later tonight. That too is relevant. At least you get to do for the day. And then you have the afternoon free. 

And you come around again later tonight. Or not. You have choice this way. Trust that this is connected. I think i have enough tennis balls this time. A new one is coming next week. That works out just good. 

Or has it arrived already. See what you get out of it. This arrives next week but we are playing away. You know how this is set up anyway. Trust that this is the way to go. Has it come around halfway already? 

It could be. Or not. But this is a good first season. You know how to tweak this now. I dont know why but maybe he cant get to that. He just stands there and not bisecting the ball. How do you preach that. 

redefine with experience

 i feel anxious. I am trusting the negative? Then it's not the same anymore. I am building on the side. This gives me the means resources to work on these. In the meantime, i am doing good enough is good enough. That's more than enough. I give it my best anywaya.

But what is this headed for. Now you see. You have assumptions on what the outcome ought to be. What then. Just write. You can observe these things, or not. But you are using the energy in this way. I can recharge this while waiting.

I am getting that because it's to quiet the ego mind. But you know that when you have this in place, you got this covered. It's in your awareness. It is now choice. Because if you were not aware of it, then how do you change it.

I can choose to go back there, or not. It's up to me. I finish these then do wall tonight. Again, that is connected in this way. Do you want to see how this one works. That is a nice color nike. I have the shoes coming some time friday or so. 

Then you have something to look forward to. In the meantime, how do you wish to have this experience. Aha. Observe. Put it into clarity. Practice mindfulness. If spock were a real person, what would it be like?

Aha. Are there such persons. I can look into these and then explore. I have this in place anyway. Just do this. In the meantime, you have all this in place. You can go for one every three weeks or so. But you get how this works out.

Can i do once a month? Of course you can. It's all connected in this way. And then you see what you get out of it. Or not. But you get the idea. You can work something out. Could it be any different. It can be. 

This is internal. You have something going here for you and then you get something out of it. What are my options. Trust the timing. You get these ones and then you can work something out instead. 

But i have this in expectations. What is the energy left unused. You are not transforming this. Maybe it's that anxiety you feel. You can focus on the positive aspect of this. In this way, you are using it in a positive way.

Trust that it is all connected. That you put it in there yourself to have the experience. From here, you will use it in this way. Then you learn something and put it in there again. This spirals. But the thing is, you are using up the energy.

I have laundry so i wear them to work tomorrow. I have this and it works out in all the same way. I have this but it's not an excuse. The next part is to have this transformed in the experience. And now you use it in a positive way. 

Ransform via experience. Transform using the experience. Something like it. Now you see. How to proceed from here. Bring it in. USe it in a positive way. You are learning and it becomes you. You have the trust with this. 

You have the noites anyway. Now you see. Now you know. Then you build in this direction. What comes next. You are headed in this way or that. Can i continue on with this, take it as far as it will go. Aha. What can be positive about this.

Your choice. Your perspective. Putting it in your awareness already makes it positive in every which way. More often than not, simply having it in your awareness makes it neutral and positive.

And this is what the process is about. You dont have o analyze this. Simply ask the question. Quiet down. You already have the answer with the quesiton. You simply quiet down and start working in that direction. Have the experience in this way.

Once you get started you'll see. You will know. It's automatic. It comes with this and that. I can continue with this and that. Or i can post now. What are those shoes. It's not about the shoes. And you already know that.