getting professional help

 i scheduled myself to get professional help. I'm giving her too much of a hard time. Maybe i shouldnt be therapist unto my self. 

I'm scheduled to get a referral tomorrow. The therapy sessions might not start until a week later, maybe two. At least it's moving in this direction. I may have to stop being my own therapist. 

Maybe the outside perspective will help. Do i need other things. Not sure. I chose not to head out today. I could do ten. Wont finish start going until five anyway. I get there one. I can do ten, then do another fifteen tomorrow. 

I'm not doing much throughout the day. I can work towards that anyway. Ok. Fifteen tomorrow be nice and all that. I can work with that. But if i made double runs, it only takes twelve of those to finish. 

That is something to consider. Does he ...clarence wants to nap on the bed. He's showered yesterday so it's an easy yes for now. Do we need to do laundry. She's doing the vacuum cleaner. I am a mess. 

What then. Not sure. Maybe i can head out. But fresh legs be nice here. I've already sent her that. I can still do doubles. One weekday then the other one is over the weekend. But if kids, then it could be a challenge. We'll see how it goes. 

They can hang out anyway. Mum will make sure they take trips. For now, this is where i am. Soon as things get sorted, i can help out. This is the path for now. Let it be so. No need to be my own therapist. That's what makes things neg. 

Was it good. I think it was. I'm ok in this department. It takes a while, but it's mostly on that elevated phase. He doesnt want to go down from bed. Is it something else. Did she say something on there. Look at the sadness. The energy is down. 

I think dog is hungry. What other things do i do around here. Saturdays on sunny people would rather go out. But this is me making up excuses. We'll see how things work out then. They can hang out. I can do my runs anyway. Finish up and see what comes out of it.

At least it went this way. The backhand needs working on. Is it going in. But the point is to return for rally. I think that point was missed. But it's not my job to be therapist. That is someone else's. You know these things. You can work something out.

What are my other options. I'm not sure. That one worked out. It's all about blame. I guess i am in punisher mode. It's in my awareness. How do you stop doing that. Simply observe. You dont have to act on these thoughts and emotions. You can separate yourself from this.

How do you move on from this. Either you do or move out. It's messing things up. You cant be the same for both. You are not punisher. You reflect that to yourself. That's what is happening here. 

How do i move on from this. Put it in your awareness. It's like these are not relevant. I was ok. But i dwelt on those. That image was a trigger. Now you know. Now you see. What can i do now. You can get busy with a lot of other things. You can work in that environment.

You've been there before. Why doubt yourself. It doesnt resonate with me. It's not exciting anymore. I was there. I am dwelling on that. It's in the past. Put it in your awareness. Redefine. 

I was doing the redefine thing. How come it doesnt stick. Because you go back to that perspective. You identify with it. This is why ego isnt letting go. Me. My ego. Ok. I am being my own therapist again.

And then it feeds itself with this energy. Put it in your awareness in this way. Now you see it. I dont have to be therapist. Just be here in the moment. This is where everything is. It's in the past. You cant do anything about it. You can do something here and now.

this time, why not do the right thing

 you are selfish. You were going through a rough patch. You wanted life to be easy so you chose to have an affair. You kept it secret for six years. You say husband and kids are your priority and yet you kept it for six years. And now that you've come clean, you want your life to be peachy?

Something's not right here. I am angry upset about all this. I have insistence. It's not about her. It's about my insistence. So what if she kept it secret. That's on her not me. 

Still i hold on to this. Now i have thisand bitcoin isnt doing well. I be grinding my way through this. You see how i have embraced the exit plan. I am an eternal being. If i take that samurai path, then i go the path that's most challenging.

But why am i still here. If this were to end, it should have. Do i listen to that. I am invalidating. Simply put this in my awareness. I can choose. What are my choices. I canceled today's booking, made a new one for tomorrow.

Forecast is rains. I would rather sit and wallow in my negativity. How does that help me. It uses up the energy? I am not invalidating. I am going deeper into self. Youcant fix make sense in this  level. You needto zoom out. 

Staying at home wont fix anything. Not talking about it will neither get this sorted. Maybe it doesnt need sorting. Maybe you simply be in the present. You got something from the experience. Why not simply move on.

That's a light of hope. But hope implies despair. It sounds positive but it is negative. Better to be in knowing. You get how this works. This doesnt have to make sense. You dont have to fix this.

Just because you dont see the results you want doesnt mean i'm not doing anything. She is being selfish. What am i then. Am i being selfish here. Do i need to watch you again. Do i need to verify everything and not have to trust?

That's not my preferred state of being. I would much rather walk away than to have to watch you. Now what. We back at square one. But it's not. It's not the same starting point. You have much awareness into this.

I am on tilt. I am on tilt. Having to go every memory and label them as not real. That's fake enough. That's why she was excited about moving. They had plans together. Every single thing. It wasnt real. 

She wont have time for you today. She be working. But if she had to she can take time off for him. This is messed up. How do you move on from here. You dont. You wallow on this if you have to.

It doesnt have to be perfect. Just work with what you have. Just do this. Get to the other side. Trust the synchronicity in all this. It's all connected. How do i move on from here. I'm not really sure. 

I needs to fast. Simply ride out to fast. You can take it easy. Just go and fast anyway. They go to vet. I wonder if she be going solo this time. I think so. I be at work anyway. Just get to the other side.

I am on tilt here. I be doing the same thing all day anyway. It doesnt matter how you go. This is terrible. How to move on with this. Trust the timing. You were selfish. You are selfish.

How do i move on from this. You simply let go. It sounds easy but i am not letting go. Why is that. What do you get out of it. That she needs to get punished for all this. Your actions have consequences.

I dont know what to make of this. Dog is sleeping. I needs to get away from this. Her actions have consequences. I dont have to protect her from the consequences of her actions. That is not being responsible. What then. Be in the moment. If you dont want to forgive, then so be it. You dont have to make it positive.

obsreve ego identity

 i woke up early, sooner than expected. I have insistence. This is causing pain, confusion, crazy. It's not what i prefer. Maybe that's what it is. But i insist, hence i have resistance to what is.

Why can i not be this clear throughout the day. I heads out today. I could have fasted last night. Now you know, see. But i was reactingto the past. Now you see know. Then you can work something out.

Trust the timing on this. You get how these things work. You go to the other side. Trust that this is all connected. The ego mind identity is there. You give it meaning and work with, not against.

There's plenty to this. I can head back to bed, take a nap quick. I dont do yoga. I no fast today but i can make that my first meal. That works too. This way i can take a nap, do yoga then hit the walls. 

I can finish these then head to booking court. We do tennis much these days. We have free access to court because of membership. This is way much closer and is ok to play on. There be asians throughout the day. 

I guess you see what the neighborhood is about. Things are way different now. You have access to all this. It's in your consciousness. You know how this is connected. Work with in the connection. 

This is what synchronicity is about. You have abundance in that regard. You have it in your awareness. I dont have to go there. Do i head out much. What is causing that. I guess i wasnt. But for a thursday, that was different.

They hardly do these promotions. Plus this and that. They switched things around. Now it's not the same. I am shifting into trading. It isnt much but it gets the job done. I can work my way build it up from here. 

I can trade off that. I can define that and see how to trade it. Not much happened on there. It doesnt make sense anyway. But when you have alerts on there, i dont feel like finish writing. But this is the point. It's in the past. Now things are different. You were in that identity. It can be different. 

How is that even possible. If you cant wrap your head around it, then it is synchronicity. It's supposed to be there. You had an agreement to do this. She is your soul mate in that regard. 

It feels too much because of insistence. I am not allowing. But ...i have a lot of baggage on that. I dont have to invalidate. I simply observe. This is where it is. Observe. I've been around that block already.

I dont have to make sense of it all. If it were to make sense, it would already have. It's been a month of this. You have all the tools you need. If so, then leave it at that. Put it in your awareness. It'll get used up as energy.

That's the point? We do tennis shortly. It's not the same anymore. Things are way different now in this regard. I go back to that. I observe. I dont have to invalidate. I dont have to put energy to it either. You get this.

What happens next. You act on the here and now. I can go there but not really. I sit this one out and there's always more than enough to it. I have more than enough. This is the point. It was effortless.

I see where you comes from. I can do yoga when i get home, then nap, then head off to whatever needs to happen. It's the mon to wed thing. I can even extend to thursday or friday. 

You got this. Now you see things different. That's the point to all this. Trust the timing. You get what all this is about. You can go this way or that. It's a lot of connections and you are part of it. You are the connection.

without reference to past

 what does price tell you? There's selling pressure. Why go into the past? You cant change that. She is here. She is putting in a lot of effort into the relationship. Trust until you cant. Love until you cant. Trust the synchronicity.

I can do that. I've been living in this space all these years. I can work with that. I can feed that imagination, but it's mostly ego generated. You can work with this something else. 

Weather forecast is rain. I can stay home. I can go back to bed then tell her court's going to be wet, cant do tennis. I dont know if i can head out. If i wanted to i can. If it showers like yesterday, then it's a go. Play it by ear.

What then. You can focus on the here and now. I can make video. The position is still on. Trust the timing on this. The rev on that isnt reliable. I be doing this instead. We can do tuesdays on there. Thursdays she has work.

Why not fast deep into this. Pain. But i could have gone out do something else. I shoulda done that. What then. Keep my options open. If clouds seem higher and prospect of better weather, i head out.

The runs are dis-appointing. I booked for tomorrow on prospects of better weather. I can do 3 from there. I works thursday instead. This is part of the equation. It doesnt seem like that but i do help out. 

What comes next. Trust the timing on this one. You'll know what to do about this. There's plenty on this you get how thisworks. Something opens up because you have this. God wouldnt interfere with that. Not religion but higher self. Higher power.

I prefer higher self. This goes up to all that is as a reflection. Something like it. I can stay home do plenty other stuff on here. I work on the video. I publish twice weekly now. 

One could be before friday or friday itself. But then again, you have runs. I keep my fridays open. Plenty on here is about options. How do you get on doing that. They want to listen tune in to what's happening in the account.

I dont have to correct that now. Am i writing still? Not really. What's this. It's journaling. I can work with this. You have plenty from the past. I've been using this blog platform for years.

It works for me and easy enough. They milked that for the longest time. I wonder if things still work from that perspective. That was a fluke of nature. Will it ever go back to that. Not sure. But i got into this and it's workedever since.

I can stick with this. No homeruns but you churn. This works for me. How do you trade this. As a failed harami. Court's wet. We no tennis. I did book for tomorrow. I can do walls today. 

But then again, if sun comes out, i can do me runs. Better runs because i have revenue but that is short term. What are my other options. I can take a nap on here. This is where we are.

Trust the timing. It's all connected in this way. Dog is up? He's still in bed. Do i need a better keyboard? That's so in the past. She doesnt talk about these things. But i did something on there. That's the point. 

I think that helped out and i was on here and it woke things up. I havent been like this all this years. It was a wake up call. Things are better now. The intimacy is way much better. Is this what resonates with you.

I didnt chose not to do the richmond quest. It's quiet on there but it can be. There is sprawl. I would rather do congestion with tall buildings. I enjoy rides like those and up the hill. I can work with that. It's what resonates with me.

book - not just friends

 should i be reading those instead. I write first. I think we are on track. Do i need to go through them details? I have the book. I can read at a leisurely pace.

Would you rather go through that. I think it's a bum thing. It could have. This would have been moot. Do you want to go there instead. I dont know. This is too much work. But going in that direction also requires work.

I'd rather stay here. Would you get into this. If it stays above that ice-line, then i open on the trib. Let's go then. What's dog doing. Is that a phone call happening. Is she truly done with it. That part i needs to read about.

It was vicious. How do i continue with this. You have stuff to keep you busy. Continue on this path. I can claim shoulder is sore. She'd still go. I can hang out and do stuff. Or not. It's going to rain the rest of the week.

It wouldnt. You get forecasts like these and it never lasts more than three days. That was a bum six years. You have a roadmap to healing. Keep to this. You'll know when to add more and stuff like that. I reads about these things then.

Do i have to watch over her. I be accessing these stuff. It's not choking, but rebuilding trust. I be accessing those anyways. It's a daily grind then. So be it. Is she going to delete stuff. If she was sincere about it, she wouldnt.

Ok. Let's go back to that. I was feeling more secure this way. What's dog up to. I can head out. But will that support the narrative. She was good at hiding, but not that good. I wasnt paying attention. 

Things are different now. I need to be less trusting but more verifying. We can go through all that. It comes in and there could be a backdoor. How would you work on that. It could be the work laptop. But she's not allowed to install. 

It can be a website then. An anonymous email account that they send to. You'll need to see the sent messages and deleted inbox. I can go through that at the start or end of the day. I am paranoid but it's because i have wants.

Did the system fail us? It seem like it. It feels like it. How then. Do you go short on that. If it closes below, then you see more downside to this. I can claim that. Is she going then. I can work less or so.

She be buying stuff from the grocery. You see how this works out in this way. If she was sincere, which i think she is, then we can work things out. But she has to be transparent about these things. 

Ok. I have these things in place. I be checking them when. At the end of the day when i'm on this side. It comes in, easy to delete. Which way am i going there then.

I can check from the router level. I did not see them there before. How else. I be access from the hardware level. You dont have to go there. But you see how all this works out. Does she use them. I can have a look.

She goes through that and i have access. She wakes up at eight. It rains tonight. That's good enough. Soon as the rain is done we can head out for more explorations. But this is on track. I think we have a shot at this.

Trust the synchronicity of in your life. This is what needs to be here. You can expand on this later. For now, it's only this. You have opportunity for spiritual growth here. Trust the timing.

It works out this way and that. You know the drill. Do i have to go through every chapter? Not really. When i have healed, i can work through those. But not now. I can look into them. Not now. Work with healing.

short end of stick

 the position is in profit. Do i add more to it. Or do i go back to bed. I'll go at five. Ive been up three hours by then. I cut back on melatonin.

I increase leverage on the trades. I'll go half that on 20x leverage. Is it out of negative. It's in my awareness in this way. I can work something out. Maybe i can open a different account then see how things work out.

Or not. You get the idea. But that is in there anyway. It's in the black this way. What comes next. You do your magic. It's not about ego. I needs to give this a break. 

Booked the court for tomorrow. This is synchronicity. It's effortless almost. It works out. I did forms last night. I feel confident about the serve now. Next stop is to do more practice on the ball-toss. But it works out.

This is out of fear and greed. It's fomo but you dont trigger that by talking about it. You get the idea. You are moving on and this is where it's at anyway. I can change into that but you get the idea.

What comes next. The short wasnt filled. You are moving on with this. We move out. We fly out soon as it resonates. In the meantime, you are doing something else. That was vicious. But it is what woke you up. Now you know what to do about this.

I goes back to bed at that time. It's more than enough time anyway. Simply do this finish up. Is it headed up. You have news coming in tomorrow? I dont think that'll be relevant. It's time to move on then. Is it going to be there that way.

What's up with this dog. Maybe he needs to be out in nature. I think so too. Just do this then. What are my other options on this. Keep to the position. You know what to do. Is he headedinto the room. I needs to sleep so he dont have to be there.

I practice forms because arm dont have to be over-used. It is psychocybernetics in action. That's a long word. I think you hyphenate that. It is social conditioning and you get how all this works out anyway. Focus act on this. You know what to do. 

Is dog sleepy or something. What's he up to. I think he goes back to bed in there. Or not. You get what he is doing. He's a big boy now. He enjoys going to park. We go again next. In the meantime, i finish these. 

How to take profits. You know what to do. We see action tonight. I'm not keen about it. The energy has shifted. Are we running out of things to say. Let it be so. It's never the same river twice. She got the short end of the stick on there. 

I guess so. That's why she let go so easily. She dont go there anymore. Now you know. Now you see. She saved herself. She knew it wasnt working out. Now you know. What do you get out of this. It is a reflection. It is a gift. How do you trade on this. Do i need to go on there.

You can zoom in if it resonates with you. You get how all this works out. I can add to the position then. This forms a bullish pattern but solana swings wider. You do trades off sol but using bitcoin as indicator. 

I dont know what he wants and i am getting sleepy anyway. She leaves for work. I dont have to because of trades. You get how this works out. How then. You simply do this and that. You see how this is right now. It's ok. You have much in place anyway.

Trust the timing of your life. You get how this market works. You are doing this and that. Support held and it's pretty much the same thing anyway. How to add to position. You go with the signal. 

Is that an entry point? It sure looks like it. What else can i do with this. You simply head back into that, or open another one. It's all the same. This is second pages for the morning. I can stop here. I've drained me balls and have post-nut clarity.

respond as healed

 sol gave a better signal yesterday at around 2pm. Cynthia is more focused on the illusion. You saw that difference. I can build up on this awareness. 

I am also shifting my attention now into a more active trading lifestyle. I still do runs, but this time, it's more as a side-gig than the main thing. The main now is crypto-trading.

I usually look at the market open looking for tribs--tight range inside bars. I trade off that based on what the market looks like. This means i dont get to do a lot of trades because of the higher time frame. I can do something about this. It's starting to form another.

How to work with this then. I'm not sure, but this here resonates with me. I can take this business almost every where i go. It was a good talk last night. She is a good person. Am i justifying myself here. Perhaps. The local mind is to help me focus on physical reality.

When you give it higher mind jobs, it becomes a negative ego. You get that part. Let's get going with this. Where is the market going. Can i do better simply leveraging my account? I did so before. I think see that it is possible to do so again.

Let's get going. I also have this so i have socials. I can work something out in that regard. I have that lounge to hang out in. I think you get where this is headed. She can attend such socials. But this is me here and now. Let's see how this works out.

I get how all this works out. Is this time to trade? It looks like it. Let's get going on this. What are my options on this. Trust the timing. You get where this is headed. You dont have to but it is an option i can explore. 

I can take the day off. This is the main business. I do a video later in the day, take a nap. Take it easy today. The local self doesnt like it when its maxed out like that. This looks like a neg. 

You could have traded off that. You get...it's not accurate, but it is reliable enough. I dont have to sell this. It works out on its own. What if i were to do so off the bands, will it work? Not quite. The signal generated could be an issue.

Ok. I can get rid of those. Is this going sideways? It's wednesday. It's trash day. I think dog went back into room.i'd simply lay in bed and think about these things. I can meditate though. Do i should i do yoga? 

I have tennis. Yoga feels right this morning. I can do that. It's cold but this is going to be the morning habit. How do you sleep past that time. I can leave the dog outside. But she likes the dog on the bed.

I get that. It's time to move on. You can observe the response. This is teh practice for me. I observe all this happening in my head. At some point, it zooms out on itself. For now, you observe. You put this in your awareness.

That was a reflection experience. You simply do this. I get it somehow. Now you know. You have this awareness in you. It's time...if time happens through you, there's an insight on there. You have here and now.

It doesnt matter what happened in the past. Use this to propel you into synchronicity. I am not breathing deep. Take a deep breath then continue on. This is fodder for you to use. Is this a tradeable situation? I dont think so. I already have a long position.

I do nothing then. You do one percent days? Is it possible to do so again? It is. You've been there before. You simply do this get to the other side. It doesnt matter how much. This is a rangebound market. You can work something out on here. That was at ny session.

You get how this works. Trust the synchronicity of your life. I do yoga. If i needs to i get back in bed. Can i yoga later. That too is an option. Maybe later. Or now. I'm not sleepy. I can do yoga now. 

open to the pain

 deep into pain. That's what i did early today, most of yesterday and last night. I stopped hiding it. I owned it. I used up the energy. After lunch at around one, i had clarity. The pain was gone.

I do this again next time. The energy shows me the beliefs perspective filters i have still. By inertia and echo, i can see that it's not the same. It's just me playing the same imagination movie film over and over. The mind responds to this then. 

How do i go on from here. You simply get to the other side in this way. Htis is an old movie. I remember we saw this years ago. Things are way different now. Trust the timing. This is connected. It's here for a reason. 

I have my own story. It's not the same. What can i do different on here. Just get to the other side. Use up the energy in this way. I can move on from here. This is a sad story. I can write one. It doesnt have to be cheeky like these ones.

Do i want to finish this. It's sad this way. You gotta use up the energy. It doesnt matter the money. What's important is the synchronicity. Right now i have so much energy flowing through me. It shifts from positive to negative because of the filters.

In general though, i am open. It doesnt have to be negative. I am open to this idea. I have already forgiven her. I accepted. I allow. It's the neergy that ebbs and flows. It's energy. At least it shows me the filters i have. 

This i can use. I dont know how this will turn out. No insistence on the outcome. I have that about the past. I see that. I simply observe. I dont have to invalidate. Simply put this in my awareness. Eventually, the energy gets used up.

It's not even the same energy, nor filters. Why do we go through all this mess. It can be nagtiveor positive. It's all up to you. What are you going to do about this. Trust the timing. I dont know how this will turn out. Just do this. Just write about this. 

At some point, you are going to look back to this. You are an eternal being. Whatever you say goes. This is not happening to you. It's happening through you. Trust the synchronicity of your life. Just do this. Use up the energy. 

I dont have to finish these then. I write about all the confusion in there. Does she ever want to be there. It doesnt seem like it. But she works. She makes time for those she loves. Give her time. Give her space. This flows through you.

Ok. Just do this then. You get to the other side in this way. It brings the energy together. There is conflict, but you know see how this works out. You simply write about this. What are my options here. I think you can work something out on here. 

There is so much music on here. You get how this works. Trust the timing. What comes next. You get it. This is going to happen in this way. You get how all this is connected. It happened for a reason. Be open. You dont know cant wont understand how all this works out.

Do the instruction manual. Take it as far as it will go. You get it. You dont have to be in that space but you can choose something. It's all up to you. And then you get things working out. I can go there. It can be this one or that.

I dont know. Just be open then. It is connected. The balls are dry now. It was there he dog was playing with them. I dont think they walked out and you have all this in place. It's a gift. It's an awareness. Aha. That's the difference to this. And he plays those characters. Maybe there is something else to it.

How what can i do about this then. It connects through this and that. You get how it works out. Can i do something about this. Not sure how. Just trust the synchronicity of your life. Be open to life.

This is ok. If there is so much noise, leave it be. Let it be there. Dog wants to pee again or something? Nothing on there. Just get to the other side. I can finish these and you have a guitar in place and you have all this. What is this about. I think you see how it is connected.

open to positive

 i am feeling stressed. This is resistance. This is insistence that things be easy. But this is here for a reason. This is pages number two.

This is how i use up the energy. It's connected. At that leverage, i can simply up the position. I use less anyway. I can work with this. I can also do that thing with that one. I can work with that. 

I can log in to the account. It doesnt have to be on there just be in the moment with this one. I think you see how this is going. Is it being singledout. I guess so. Let it be so. I can always move elsewhere with this. 

Or not. I dont think she is going to quit her job soon, unless it's time to shift. So stay here for now. I think you see where thisis headed. Is there sincerity in the equation? I think so. You've been here before.

I dont really know for sure. How do i move on. Allow. Be open to positive. This is connected. It's here for a reason. If it's not, then there is something else here for you. Be found on that side of the equation. You get how this works out.

How else is this going to turn out. I think you opened on way too early. It gets to this one. I think it was too early. How could i have done differently? No need to second guess yourself. These things happen. It is from the day chart so it is has gone long anyway.

I can work with this energy. Soon as i move, then we can work with something else. For now, this is where i am. I dont have to deal with that equation, but you see how this works out anyway.

It's never going to go that way. But you get how these things work out. It is the weekend. Non-farm payrolls just happened. Price did not crash but held up on support. I am feeling anxious. Allow. Be open to positive.

This is the process then. It is. Trust the timing. It's here for a reason. I can go back to bed. She sleeps until nine. Let her be then. You can take a nap as well. What's her plan for the day.

I'm not sure. No fat-shaming on there. That is a reflection for you. What are my options on this side of the fence. I can move on to the next one. You get where this is going. Trust the timing on this one.

You've been there anyway. It is like this. Trust that this is so. You get how all this works out. It has colored my world. I've been on that side as well. Just do this. Get to the other side.

That one is the process. It took a while to get there. It is. What are my options then. Simply do this. Get to the other side. It was six years. Allow for this to be here. It is neutral. It doesnt come with a default meaning.

It's up to you how to define this. Why am i here then. She wants you to get better so you can go on with your life. That's the point here. If she wasnt sincere about it then i dont think it's going to be like that.

Ok. I am open to this being true. Take it one day at a time. Simply wake up, go through the day. It is ok to be just a zombie at times. It is ok to dwell on the past. But put it in your awareness. Observe. Be the passive observer.

A lot is going through my mind. That was tough. This is tough. I've been through a lot. How do you move on. You see that it doesnt come with built-in meaning. That's the point. Be open to the idea that this can be positive if you let it.

Let it be open to the positive. Observe. Allow. Awareness. Just do this. When it comes up, get into this frequency. Can i work today. Is it going to rain. I can head out if it doesnt rain. Let's do that. We aint doing anything anyway. How come this is different.

doing the laundry

 is it worth it to go into triggers/dwell on the past? It can be if there's something to learn from it. But if i simply go there to not learn, then what's the point? I think it is ego trying to control things where it cant.

It's not the ego's job to do that. I can ride get the coke box. It's too heavy at this time. Go for that one instead. Ride, then get the cokes. I fast today? How far can i take this. It rains anyway. 

Ok. If it rains at lunch, i can get a box for lunch. That works out this way and that. Son left for work. It's his second day so i guess this works for him. How many in the shop? Idk. But it is work experience for him. He gets to go out anyways.

I can go talk to him. But he knows what this is all about anyways. Trust the synchronicity. You have all these tools for you to use. Let's get going then. Wife is at work. I know what or how concentration is about at that level. You get to work on the creative side.

I guess it was all me. This is me accepting responsibility for my actions and more importantly, failure to take action. It is what it is. These things happen for a reason. The meaning you put into it is the result you get out of it. 

I know there is a positive in this. I stay open in the inquiry. I stay with the question. This way, it can come in through different channels. Trust the timing of your life. There's something here for me anyway. You get how this works. 

I dont have to go that way. I dont think she's that kind of person. But this did happen for a reason. Trust the timing on this one. It can be an issue. The kids are affected. I'm affected in a deep way. But this showed me things i would never thought i something. 

This is the purpose then. I can work with this. Is it going to rain? It looks cloudy but it's high clouds. If it does rain, i can come home later. But it is three days of rain. I dont have to go anyway. Let's see how this works out. You have the rest of the week.

This is my synchronicity. It's all connected. What are my options on here. You get to see these things. That's the point. I do the mail thing, ride out to that take it easy. Then i come back and do the coles for lunch while she's working.

I get that. I dont think it's headed there. But if it does, i can look into other things as well. I dont have to dwell on that. Is she going there? We'll see. If he is careful, which i think he will be, then there's no way for me to catch that.

Trust the timing. I can choose to dwell on that protect mode but that shuts me down. I choose not to dwell on that instead. I trust that she knows better this time. It can be that she forgives him, but it can be this is a better pull now. Is it just the excitement? 

It feels like it. The responsibility did not kick in before. The only thing that's different is that channels of communications are broken. Does she miss him? I suppose so. The kids know. This is what's different. They hinge on how i am doing. I think she's invested on that.

So be it then. I can dwell on the past, or focus on positive change. When i get lost or dwell on the past, i check in on my mission statement. This works? It does. Also i keep myself busy. This helps as well.

I can do walls today. She goes to tennis. If it rains, i can head back. Otherwise, it's a rest day. I can extend on different days later on. This works for now. Also, weekends are cool, but it is for hers as well. I focus on weekdays then.

Finish up then hang the laundry. Let's get going on this one. I can do other things. For now, finish these. What's happening. Finish up and there's more laundry to go through. Simply do this get to the other side. 

I think i can finish these right here. Is it going to rain. It seems like it. But clouds are still high. It could, but if it doesnt, then it's not going to rain the rest of the week. I have a day off then. I worked four days? Maybe three. That's good enough. You know what to do.

rain last night good

 a lot of things are different. Even when it looks the same. Why is there this foreboding feeling like something is about to go wrong. 

I was spot on that time. It was different. I dont know how that is. I had resentment on that. It was terrible that time. Why did i put myself through that. It was a reflection as well. Was it better that than this. I'm not sure. 

It was a fucked up time. How do you move on. People had it worse. This is your end of the stick. You can choose to invalidate, or continue on in this path. You have something good on this. Now it's time to get moving. What else be here. 

Simply have fun on this. Trust the timing. You get where this is headed. You are an eternal being. You know how these things work. But i am in that frequency. Then it's what's supposed to happen. 

Something in me couldnt take that in. I cant get it my self. It's not the ego-mind's job. Dont give it this job. It's not meant to figure out how this will work. Ok. I get that. I guess this is habit--identifying with an idea.

It's all in your head. How. This is in the past. You cant change the past. I know. Just allow. This is something you use to accelerate. Trust the timing on this one. I swing hard on that side of the fence.

I wish i can let go and continue on there. But it's here you chose to be. There is something here for you. Is this the part where i say goodbye? It can be. I'm 55. I'm that old. But i feel like i'm just getting started on this journey.

What happened that time before. I'm not sure. It's all a blur. You loop around to that. You get how this works. There is tennis tonight. Let's get going with that. I have this to work with. Plenty on there to work with. I was there.

But it's not what you think it is. Plenty layers on there you dont know about. Now you see. What comes on to this. You have timing. You get how all this works out. I can go on that side or this. 

I finish that off, then i have extra to explore this side. It's sufficient for now. This accelerates somewhat. It already is where it needs to be. This is the perspective. I have coffee later. I take a nap on the way back.

There is tennis tonight. She has plenty of work. We do this and that. How did that come about. You see how this works out. Is there something else on here. Just be open. I can do yoga after this. It's part of the equation and it loosens up the joints.

Just get to the other side this way. It's still there and you see how this works out. I have them skills anyway. You have abundance on this frequency. You get how this is connected. Trust the timing.

You may not have it on that side, but you get how this works for you. I'm not sure is this going to go downstairs? I dont think so. Trust the timing. You channel. There is one energy. This is prime radiant. It could be anything. 

You understand these things then. You have much time. You turn things around and get to where you need to go. What's the end game on this. Happy? Not exactly. No insistence on the outcome. 

I simply do the instruction manual. Every second or when i've used up the energy--do the instruction manual. Just do this. Ok. I see the point. I fast until saturday or sunday even. That's when i resurface. 

That is a long time. I do yoga after this. Instead of just browsing around, i start the day off with some yoga. I can always take a nap later. Just do this. Get tothe other side and see how it works out.

her happiness mine

 i see now what the issue is all along--she was happy with someone else. That maybe i couldnt make her happy? She's happy with her work, her friends...i seldom see that in her.

I get that now. This is the issue all along. It had to manifest in taht way. I get it. What can i do about this. Now you have it in your awareness. Trust the higher self. The ego mind doesnt know how to find its way here. Trust your higher self.

First off, do the instruction manual. You fast. Do three days. This raised your frequency enough that you were able to do such things. Ok. I see where this path leads to. I dont have to make her happy. It's her choice. But i can do things to share my energy. It's up to her to share in that or not. Either way, no insistence on the outcome.

I get it now. Things are different now. You cant share that with someone else because the perspective is different. Who they are is different. I can share the experience but it doesnt have to go there. Is this going to test the lower limits?

They were not able to predict that before. Why would they have insight on this one. Trust your read on this market. How can i make use of that then. Now i see. It doesnt have to be my story. I write my own life-story. It's no insistence. You want to be part of it, good. If not, it's still a positive.

This frees me up tremendously. I dont have to dwell on that anymore. I go grocery tonight. I have choice. I can do runs later in the afternoon. I used to do it at three pm until late. I can do something similar, or not. You get the idea. 

The point here is to reach that target anyway. Now you know. It's all connected. I have something to work with. It doesnt have to go in that way. The rest are details. Now you have the root cause of it all. Now i have choice. This is liberating. This frees me up. 

What are my choices now. You do the instruction manual. I am still here. I support. I put in the effort. But i put myself first. I dont have to go there. I dont enjoy there much. You see all these things and  you have insight on these things. At five i am headed into day 2.

I go in this way then. Not much on there for me. I can leave after lunch. She can hang out with son and the dog. I dont have to be there. It this is liberating for me. This frees me up to focus on my healing. This is me then. It doesnt have to go back that way.

Plenty insights on here. I also have synchronicity in this way. It's not this or that. You gotta be whole before you find partner that ...they do not complete you. You are whole and complete and you experience the reflection of that.

I get that. It makes sense now. I can work with this. You know what to do from here. Now you are free. Now you know. This is knowing. It doesnt have to go this way or that. Now you know. You have choice every step of the way.

Trust the synchronicity of your life. These has been my guiding principles. Now things are different. It's not that but it is added contrast to my reflection. This is the definition. I lifted plenty weight off local-mind's load. Now it makes it easy for me to look around. I can stand up now.

It can be sad or not. But you know how all this works out. It doesnt have to go there anymore. Just do this. If she doesnt see, then it's not about me is it. Now you get it. I'm here. I do everything i can within the context of the instruction manual.

If insistence, then i let go and be open. Trust the timing. You have this. Now you see. It's not the same river anymore. We do grocery. I can do a video so i dont have to do the same thing next time. Just do this then. What are my options on here. 

I can work something out from here. It's all connected in this way. You get how all this works out. You see where this is going. I dont know if it goes there. You see how that is. I dont have to make her happy. It's up to her. If she gets it elsewhere, then i dont have to. I let go of insistence.

I dont think she'll get that from me. She is her own primary...we dont have to. She's attending this other tennis thing. It doesnt ...lost track. Clarence was asking for treats. But now you have reflection. Things be clear now. Do i do another set?