i havent written journaled in about a week. I did not feel up to it. I'm not keen about doing much lately. But things are not the same. Why am i anchoring myself to that.
At least it's in my awareness. It's not the same. Just this. It's not just me. It's a theme for mankind--pretty much everyone willing to be in this space. Why the need for such pain?
It's to bring everything out on the table. Do iwant to be with her. That's the question. She changes the rules when it suits her. You end up playing in a game you dont have the heart to and when you find out, it's i'm devastated.
What then. Show her the consequence of her action. I dont have to be here anymore. I have choices. I have much going for me. Staying on this means it hasnt changed much. But it did. That's the point. It's not the same river.
What can i do different in this regard. Not sure but you get the idea. You have that in you already. What comes next. You simply do the instruction manual. That's what got me across all this time.
What then. What else is there. I'm not in joy here. It's like i need to do things i'm not excited anymore. Like i have to do all these things just to keep afloat when i could be doing the same anyway on my own.
Do i want to leave? It's there. It's just looking for an excues. I already have that. Why get another one. How come price went down that much. What can i do about these things. You get the idea. Let's get going.
I would rather go do that and this and have that in the middle of the day. Not sure about this one though. But that one is reminiscent. It has flashback. It's not a choice. But she defines it that way. Do i even understand what is going on here.
Not sure. You get the idea each time. Simply do this. Get to the other side. Maybe i dont want to go there. I do five hundred videos before that gets in the bag. I think it is something like that.
In the meantime, you do all this. It resonates. Then you get into this and resonate. What are my options here. Not really sure. But it's been like this all this time. Where did that come from.
I have insistence. I observe. I can change things anyway. Son is up. I can deal with that, or do something else. He can choose. I can work something out anyway. The kids can go this way and that.
I'm not sure how this works out. Trust the timing. What can i do about this. Not really sure. It's the trust issue. What can i do. Simply use up the energy. This time next year it's different but you get the point.
I can awareness. Put this in your awareness. If that's all i can do then this is more than enough. I dont have to go there. Do i need that instead. Not really sure. I would rather have it now than later. Ok.
We can finish up sooner or simply do this get to the other side. You get the idea. What comes next on here. I'm not really sure. That is not my liking. I would rather do something else. Like what.
She's broke af. Why do i have to deal with all that. Not really sure. Just do this then. I dont know how to work that. It would have been different. Just get to the other side in this way.
I always have choice. I always have the instruction manual. Just get to the other side. Use up the energy. It soon changes. You get an insight and it's not the same boat. Trust the timing.
