there with this

it's 2 am couldn't sleep. I get up and write without contact lens so i close my eyes. I might not be able to post until tomorrow. I listen to cello music radion on mello cello. I like how it sounds. Maybe in one dimension i play cello. Can i do so now.

Why not. I can take lessons on that but can i compose music with this? Why not. It's an instrument. It's a tool. I can do something with it. I get my son to enroll in boxing. He doesn't like it. He has social anxiety and it seems to get him in the dark more. I am doing internention. He won't get it but i see the manifestation.

He doesn't go out as much other than school and even school he won't go in certain days. This is for intervention. I am going to spend time with him on this. I may have to forgo getting a job. I will stick with mecs and freelance writing. This too is part of my process. I go do this for now.

I don't have to add tracks at this time. I smilpy write until i reeach that time or i get sleepy. Simply be doing this for now. I can add exemplary tracks when i discover them. Otherwise i keep writing. I was sleepy a while ago. What happened. Not really sure. I do mecs tomorrow as well. I may will cancel on date with wife. We don't need that. We spend time together anyway.

The relationship is a priority. They get hot sooner but they get old sooner as well. That's the other end of the stick with that. No thanks. I am happy with what i have thistime. I can add comments but don't have to elaborate on these things. Then what happens. Do i have to go deep into that. Not really sure. But this is where i am. There was the financial partner. I guess that is a business.

I changed playlists as it was getting weird on there. He won't get it. I will have to use the trust factor. It's not getting better that it is affecting normal life. And his actions show for it. I will have to go with him even if we jast sat there each time until he feels comfortable about it. Then we sign him up and then we go from there. We do this each time. He doesn't have to go. He stopped playing hockey.

That wasn't good and he lied about it. He did not do anything. I used to go with him to make sure he went. What happened. It got out of control there. He won't admit to it but i see it. He wouldn't even go out. What happened. What caused it. Not really sure. I simply noticed this getting worse after we moved in here and he moved school. I guess it was the cahnges.

Then when there is big change, you gotta work with it. Use up the energy and transform the situation from the inside. You change the response to it. Even if we sit there for a year, we are going to do it that way. I am taking a break on those days anyway. Then so be it. This is the way it's going o be for now. I should have spent time with the brother to make sure he got it. But i did not have it either.

I should have stayed on. Maybe things would have been better. It was my shortcoming as well. It was out of control. I did not watn to face up to it so i left. It was that way each time. Now i see it. But that is not being responsible. I wasn't.. I am now. I go here and hange my response. I see it now. The inside is different. I know what to don this time.

I have anxiety this time. I am responding differently this time. How do you add all that into the playlist. I don't click on like as much. I simply write with the track in the background. How do you sleep sooner. Maybe we don't talk about these things. Why isn't she talking to him about it convince him. She perhaps lacks the social skills trusting on what she knows rather than synchronicity.

This is what writing has helped me. I go to the unknown knowing that i get support. I'd know what to do when i need to know it. I trust the synhrocinicty on this. Then i am able to go into the dark knowing that i have both dark and light in me flowing through me. That is the point to all this. Do i get my contacts then. Simply write. I rest today. The legs feel heavy anyway. If i rode today that be over training. I ride like six hours including rests. That is more than enough training.

But it's ok that way. I keep writing until i feel sleepy or when i feel like i've had enough. I just write about anything. Maybe thisis synchronicity for me. Write slower. See to it that the keys are hit enough and no letters be missing. I think i wrote ok there. I can write more if needed. I write about these things.

If he were alone on this, when does it change for him. He will come to realise that he needs to get out here. But that be years from now. If he doesnt have the tools or means to do so, he'd be stuck or not go through the process. But that is his responsibility. I see that. He gets to decide until he is an adult. Right now, he is young and it's my responsibility and duty and job as father to help him through this. Even if he doesn't understand or he feels anxious about it, then i help.

No judgemetn. I simply acknowledge that it's there. I help out. That track was getting weird. Why do they go there. I will have classical music recommendation from here on. But it's good to listen to these when moments like these. I can't sleep. These help to ease up. Writing also helps. I get to put things out there out here. The keys seem stuck but it's the writing. When it flows then you can write more.

Simply write. Do i have to poop. No. This track is ok. I quit the job because it don't resonate with me. I had two tubs of ice cream today. It was rest day. Did i have to test it. No. I simply wanted to experience this. No judgement or invalidation. I see it. He don't have to admit. Maybe he wants to play more, but i see otherwise. We'll have to intervene on these. Or we cut that altogether.

The keys have to change. I guess so. Then so be it. This is where we are now. Only do this. If he doesn't want to we don't have to go there. It is simply this. But that brings it deeper. You'll know what to do when you gett there, not before. You can let go for now, cross the bridge when you get there. I feel fake when dealing with that friend. Something doesn't feel right.

But i sense something there. I allow it to be there. Maybe one day it'll change. But for now, it's that. There is a wall there. It's ok. I guess that too is my creation. I allow it there. That way i can change it, or not. If not, then let it be so. Do you use this energy. I can write slower. How do you heal that sooner. You don't. You let it there use up the energy. It is energy afer all.

I am supposed to be done by now. I remember that dinner in albany with the wife. It was good. I hada job? Not really. But we can do more of that. We can go out with the kids. Three are with jobs. This here is mine. I own this. I can change this. I can let it go let him handle it, but i own this. It's my process. It may work or not. But this is the path i feel is relevant for now. It's easy and can be handled easy. Let it be so. Does that mean i can't work anymore.

Short term i can't work on a job. And that is connected anyway. I don't want to get a job. I would rather work on my copywriting or writing in general and figure out a business out of this. If it don't work out, at least i am acting on my excitement. I enjoy spending time with my son. I'd like tothink that he trusts me.

Then go this way. I might not be here for long. I'd like to help out as much as i can. For now i see he needs my guidance. Then i'd do so. The job can follow. I fix this theni can move on with my life. Let it be so then. Is it mental health issue. Sort of, if you look at it this way. Or from a certain angle. So be it then.

He is smart. He finds means and ways. I am here to help and to guide. I accept responsibility for this. We don't have to enroll him immeditaely. We can go there for the first month make him comfortable with the new situation. Then we can start easy. The point is to make him cowwfortable and safe, then we take baby steps. If when he says he is ready or take small steps towards that. Get him to do the easy ones. Once comfortable then he can progress. He big achievement is when he gets in the ring for some light sparring.

When he is there, then my work is done. I'm good with that. I think he can go from there. That means he enjoys it and he is comfortable pairing up with anyone. That be good. Then i might be able to help out from there. I guess so. There be people in there. Different folks. You see the point to all this. Maybe one of the daughters will want to get in there as well. Only do this.

This is my path. Maybe one of the kids might want to go as well. We'll see how it goes. For now, only do this. It's the baby step in front of us now. I can see what's next when after i use up the energy. No need grammar check. Only write ideas. Grammar and spell check comes later. Why did i not do anything about it. I had a job.

She won't get it but this is a priority. Then you can talk about it later. For now, this is where i am. I see that. Is the coffee still active. It could be the coke for diner. That was a lot. You needs to be able to fift the firngers as you type. Then you can see the letters come in often. When touch type you sometimes just hover not press deep enough. Slower means you are more aware putting in more awareness into it.

You write until you run out of words then creation flows through you. How long does that take. You don't wait for inspiration. You start writing. When it gets to that point, the energy shifts and you get creation flow. At times it's sticky as mud thick as mud. Just wade trough it. You get there eventually. No need to write fast. Put in more awareness into it.

The trip had its down times. I inetrvene now. It's time. The timing is righ this time. He knows it and i see it. It's time to do something about it. Reassure him tthat it is safe for him and important, he can do something about it. That is the point to all this. Then he can play games as much as he wants. The eng game here is to get in the ring for a light spar. When he is good and going, then i'm done.

The process would have changed for me as well. Then this is my process too. I can be coach if he wants it. Then i can use some of the tricks i know. Like see the ball, hit the ball. You see the opening, you do the combo. That's all there is to it. You'll know when the opening comes up. You simply train make it automatic. That's the point to it all.

The sparring will come eventually. For now, only do this. Should i enroll myself? It's a different schedule and i might not be able to get some work in. That's ok. He'll make friends in there. Kids here grew up with bullying not ok. I think that is still the policy. Then we can work something out. I see that. What can you do about it. They have to come forward with it. I guess the kids are there. What happened to that one.

I am not sure. I am disappointed with how thatturned out. I did not know how to fix that. Wife don't get it as well. Why can't she get it. I don't know. It is sad that it went there. I can't reverse that. How come i did not see it. Not sure. Is that why she is there. Not sure. But she won't come back. She is having fun in there. She knows that she can come back. Always welcome. But it's her choice not to. She is independent now.

Independence comes from responsibility. Not sure really. Then how are you going to write about it. Not sure. Who is that. Someone opened a door. Perhaps going to bathroom. It could be that or the other one. Just write aboutit. No need to see that or otherwise. You know the path. Allow for this to be here. See what comes out of it. Then you'll know.

It was great back then. I could have talked to the other parents. Why did i allow that one then. I guess i was too allowing. Is that bad? There be consequences. But they are aware that they chose their own path. What comes next. You simply write. I don't go to bed yet, i am not sleepy. I write much slower at this time. What. Why when where. It feels like that letter don't wmmwrite well. I cant use different finger for it.

The finger has to go there. Who is this. That looks good. The images still change ofter. The yes are there. I am to schedule appointment there. How to pay this one off. You will. Trust the timing on this one. Take baby steps. It will get there eventually. If i had to write until dawn, so be it. I can get up later anyway. At least i am doing something abouti .t then you simply add to it over time. You have seven days. I give time to compost and simmer.

I add every time. I make it better this way. The end time is seven days. It'll be ready by then. I have research anyway. I add to the fee each time i get an upvote. This way i get more feedback and get more assignments. No need to write fast. Simply put in more awareness to the writing. It'll move on from there. It's using up he energy this way. I get that often. Is there a different way to write thise.

Not really. Just keep writing. I've done two sets already. I am not sleepy yet. Keep writing. Doing the hird set. If i go through this not yet sleepy then do another set. I can leave it up to her but she don't have the positive awareness yet. Turst the timing on that one. You'll know what to do. She got upset with that one. Theyve made up since. What happened there. And i was put in the dark there.

Just know that it was part of the process. I can do some work now, or later. I start right away. It's the research that's key. Once you get the idea or concept you are selling then you can start outlining then make it better. You have seven days anyway. I can write with theyes closed. Then you can use a reader for this. Or not. Simply use up the energy as you write.

I can use a typing aid, but i've gone through that. You can get the job later on. For now, only do this. If it starts in two weeks, how do i make sure i get in there. You make good with all that. The point is that you quit because you were moving. Then see how it goes from there. If you get negative feedback, so be it. At least you learned something from the experience.

I see your point. But why go there. It's the experience here. How else do i deal with this. I don't know. Being so far, you leave it with her nad she won't have the means to handle that. Then things get broken and you may have to intervene. You want to use up the energy here and now, let it expand from there. I feel getting tired of this music. How else do i listen to music here.

I'm trying out jazz this time. Mellow jazz hoping that it's all instrumental. So far so good. Not deep jazzz heavy fusion stuff. Just mellow instrumentals. Those two fingers feel tight. How to develop them more. Do i get to quse the other ones. They seem ok. It's the right fiher and they get used more often that awy. It is the programmer keyboard so it's all lined up to be used that way. Maybe they are better of more spred out or with a smaller keyboard. I can do with out the numpad but it's there.

So be it ther. You can get something else. These images look hot. I am listening to jazz music this time. It sounds ok. I can intro from here. I get to deliver to these houses and i am developing that market this way. This is interesting for now. I get to meet with people but it feels superficial. Maybe there is a better way to this. The food isn't that hot with hem.

Just do this and write listen to this music. Do i follow it. Just play it when he need is there. The fingers not writing much. Simply write. There is more soundstage with these tracks? I am not sure. You'll see more of it when you get there. This one has good soundstage. Maybe i listen more to jazz for the soundstage. I do that now. I enjoy this.

I bought this with the proceeds from selling my share of don mariano. I see this as a gift somewhat. It was synchronicity. I was'nt expecting it but it's here. I am open and took it. Then i found the shop and yes, got the headphones for me self. I've always wanted one. The opportunity was there, and of course, i use up the energy. This is the path for me.

I was using this when i landed sydney. And i had fun. I had connection. It was good. There be four of them there. That was deep synchronicity for me. I felt it. I was open to the experience. I did not know how but took the chance. I walked through the door and realised how it was connected. This is the path for me. This has worked for me. Even when not sure, i follow the path. I act on my excitement, taking it as far as it will go, with out expectations.

And i went back to airport, took a nap. I wasn't feeling good after that phone call anyway. Getting that nap felt good so i took that step. And when i woke up i was feeling better already. This is how i live now. I act on the synchronicity. This is connected. How do you call this path. Not really sure. But this is what the guides have shown me, by synchronicity as well. And it makes sense. So i live this way now.

That was a yawn. How do you get there with this skill. Not sure yet. But if it is resonating with your excitement, then this is the way to go. You best line up with it. You don't have to convince anyone else. When you have alignment, then everything points downstream. You move on with your life. And that meeting too was part of it.

There was so much contrast with her life. I don't not waat i prefer. And she don't want to let go from there. I guess her partner is part of that process. The marriage would not have lasted with me. Then it's all good. I got a lot of insights from that rip. In a way, they were all part of the synchronicity. It's not even four yet and i've written much. I can go back to deb now. Bed. I can go to bed. This is not the track for me.

Settings on always high. No mater if mobile data or wifi. I have it there anyway. How come not in maila? It could be withthe network. It's sad thatthey get cut like that. You pay cheaper that's why. But you lose much as well. I see that. How can you change those things. Not really sure. Just let it be so. Take things easy now. You want to go autopilot on th ecash flow. Or trust the synchronicity there.

I am here. It's going to be ok. If you ask me, then tak ethis path. But that's my excitement but if you did, then you make me proud. But you gotta enjoy it. This has to be a path that's relevant for you. It rcould be you know. The nation had been on peace for decades now. Things could change but you have options here. I see that one. Maybe they can make arrangements there.

I see that point. How then can you go there. Not really sure. I could go to med school through that. Should i try one. I am kinda fit atm. It's just the age that's an issue. But i have the physical fitness. I think i can make the cut. I have it skills. I can go into med background in there. Let's go for it then.

Or not. But i can try. No need for the restrictions. I can make changes here and now. No need to see a career path. Only know htat this is part of my synchronicity. It has been a buzz word for me here. And it gives me insider knowledge. I can do reseach anyway. How is that related. Not sure yet. I can make the cut. I don't have to be exceptional in physical but mental and spirit, i am there.

Then go for it. You can see changes as we go along. Or not. You nkwo the drill. I don't have to go all the way to that. The fingres get tired? Yes. Then i can take a nap soon. I don't ge to listen much. There be stuff that i'm doing here. Even if cleaning toilets there. I can do a good job doing so. At least you get paid and don't have to deal with all that.

It iss still part of the process. It's time for bed.