grocery is after work. That means i'm fasting until then. It's the same energy, different filters. I dont have to talk about the things that kept me up last night. It doesnt concern her. It's my issue.
This is part of my process. If there was one thing i can do consistently well, it's LAO--let go, allow, open to synchronicity. It's like three things, but when you zoom out, it's the same one thing. This keeps me on an even keel.
The ego wants certainty. It doesnt care much for the unknown. If i choose that path, divorce, it's a lot of certainty but it's still the unknown. That's the paradox. And it's the same with staying and working on the relationship. There's plenty unknown, but there is a hint of certainty to it.
When you see paradox, as bashar said, you are at the center of your being...or something like that. I stay here then. Not that it is safe, but because it is what i prefer. It's great in bed. I like it.
And we sing a lot. I am injured but i am able to take a break. And i discovered tennis. I love it. I should have done this earlier, but like aikido, it doesnt matter. I can do this for ten years. I have been injured because i was careless. Lesson learned.
I cant change the past. Not that she's safe but it's the same with everyone else anyway. If i get careless or not care much, then it goes. But i did care back then. She still chose to go down that path. If so, it is a process you had to go through.
That gives it purpose. That turns it into a positive for me. Or at least i get to open up to synchronicity knowing that it's part of the process. I can work with this energy. I am curious about how this turns out. As it is, here and now, i am open and quite excited about what's going on.
I learned much about my self. This is ok. This is key. I am expanding in this direction. No food until grocery time. Or i can skip meals until we get to canberra, or something like it. I regret that i broke my fast last night with one hour to go.
I do this. I write. The sex is great. Is it really? It's me that's making things complicated. But then again, she's open to the idea. I can work with that. I must have hurt you, and i am aware of that now. If you give me a chance, i'd be more sensitive this time.
If not, then i'll let it go. Not everyone is perfect. I can work with that. There are other things we can do. I can work with that. I repeat my self. That's part of my process. I dont want to go there. I can watch her do wall practice, but i want options.
I am not leaving her alone. I can walk around on there. But i need to rest this butt from now on. I needs to finish these now. It's not a long way to go. I am halfway through. She be working. Not sure i can head out do anything. We grocery around lunch perhaps.
She asked to do wall practice but when i told her i cant walk dog, she changed her mind. The issue is with me. I am aware of that. I do autophagy fasts. It's not just not eating 24 hours, but going for three days.
That's when it kicks in. Mostly it's after the first day. I can work with that. I can eat tomorrow once we reach canberra. In the meantime, i can get food for the trip or something like that. This is my process then. Or i can skip and continue work next week.
She's on leave monday. That's a long stretch weekend. She leave again the friday after that. It's a lot but she's invested much into that career. At least you see how it all is.
Just do this, get to the other side. I can skip that. How come it's paused. We be headed out and she's watching that video. It's a lot different now. Why do i keep going back tothat. What do i get out of it. Control. Insistence. I see. I have it in my awareness.
It's not the same. This is my process then. The sex is great. It can be better, but for now, i have it good. Would you leave good in the hopes of something better? If it were relevant, then that better would be here instead. But it's not. I have good. This is what's relevant.
