i'm sleepy. It rained early this morning. She stayed on, lingered. That was positive for me. I'm a different man now. I am not the man she married years ago.
I've integrated this negative into a a neutral, meaningless situation--even positive at best. The relationship is stronger. We talk a lot. We spend time a lot. We hold hands when we are together. I'm different. She too is not the same person.
It's like i'm getting to know this new girlfriend that i just met a while ago. It's great. Next step of me is getting work done. I've been sick these past few days--physical and spirit are connected. I know this and this experience showed me how it was.
Again, this is integration. I have pain on there. Trust the timing. It's there for a reason. Wife is making lunch. We head out after lunch. I finish washing the dishes immediately after finish meal. She be preparing anyways before we go. Tonight is wimbledon finals. We be up late again.
What now. Finish up. Get to the other side. This is how things are and it's all good. It's all positive in this way. Do i even have to message them. It's not sincere now is it? Because it will reflect back to you the negative intention. Leave it be. It's not the same river twice.
What then. Finish up writing. Tomorrow i go to work. I do extra ten km each day and i guess this is connected. I be stronger in this way so it is connected. Maybe i can leave the bike on there or something. Is it secure?
Not really sure but i can work something out. I saw that earlier before. I had extra cash and spent it on junk i dont really need. Now i know. It's in my awareness now. It's not the same river. What to do next. Finish up. Maybe i can take a nap or something. Bring those stuff.
Or i can do something different altogether. I guess so. We been there before. It gets easier. I can map out directions this way. Or not. Still it works out the same way. I can do full-on video tonight when we get back. I can take a nap later even.
It's up until 2am. I can work something out. Or maybe it becomes easy and that is a level of mastery you dont see anywhere else. It is also plenty mental games at that level. I can work something out. Maybe do a video of her so she can see how she plays.
I think that will work for her. I can turn it off anyway when done. But the thing makes a lot of noise. How to work with that. Maybe there is concentration going on. Other than that, you can work something out instead. I ordered a racket last night. It should be here tuesday perhaps.
Hoping it be earlier. We get up early to play in the park. This is shared meaningful experience. It's in the mission statement. I go this way. It's easy with afterpay and i get better at doing this. Also trading is on full-swing.
It's all lined up this time. You get where this is going. How to trade this. Trust the timing. After it heads up on there, you can do something else. In the meantime, work your way through this. Use up the energy. I take a nap later.
Why did i go there anyway. What was the motivation. It was perception. Me thinking i am better, comparing. This is the lesson i got from all this. I'm not guarding bantay on her but sincerely want to spend time with her, get to know her.
It's different now and i hardly know her the past several years. I see a different wife partner this time. I didnt see much of this before. Plus i learned much in the process. I have a skill that's not common on there.
The other had to use external tools to get what he wanted. I was more about giving to her than getting what i want. I get what i want better after she gets hers. That's the difference. I think she can tell. I dont have to compare myself and ask about these things.
I can tell given the context so far. I'm glad she did not go on with that direction. It would have been hard for her. We both got something positive out of this situation. I'm glad i came back. It's never the same without her anyway. It's what all this was about, but now it feels like the frequency shifted higher.
